This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "A Glitch is a Glitch" from season 5, which aired on April 1, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins with Finn and Jake inside the Tree Fort using the computer. Finn is using a program to make an animation of Ice King being attacked by spiders and a snake.]
Jake: Ha-ha-ha. Okay, now make him look angrier!
Finn: Alright, give me a second.
[Finn draws angry-looking eyebrows on Ice King]
Jake: Nope, not funny anymore. Sorry, dude—you ruined it.
Finn: Man, I don't have patience for this animation junk. Whoever does this must have no life whatsoev—
[Finn punches himself.]
Finn: Oof... Why did I do that?
[A brick is thrown through the window, and Jake approaches it using his stretchy powers.]
Jake: Yo Finn, did you order a brick?
Finn: Hm, I don't think so.
Jake: [Reads the floppy disk that is taped to the brick. It says, "Email to Finn + Jake."] False alarm; it's just an email.
Finn: Who's it from?
Jake: Looks like Ice King's handwriting.
[Jake inserts the disk into the computer. A video of a girl eating her hair and gagging immediately starts playing. Finn and Jake watch it, paralyzed with disgust.]
Finn and Jake: Eeeww!
Finn: Escape, Jake! Escape!
Jake: Alright, alright, hold on. [Jake presses ESC repeatedly on the keyboard.] Oh man! Thing must've had a computer worm in it!
[The computer displays a red screen and spikes emerge from it, and the computer becomes triangles.]
Finn: Whaa? Aaaah!
[Finn and Jake run scared from the computer. Scene changes to the Candy Kingdom , where Princess Bubblegum is watering flowers and the Ice King appears flying.]
Ice King: Hey, Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: What now, Ice King?
Ice King: Remember that time last summer when you said you'd only go out on a date with me if I was the last guy on Ooo?
Princess Bubblegum: I doubt I said that.
[Finn and Jake come running and screaming hysterically.]
Finn and Jake: P-bubs! P-bubs, P-bubs!
Finn: The computer went...
Jake: Open video and...
Finn: The email...
Jake: Potato trampoline...
Finn: Brick window with the plastic...
Jake: Then crashment!
Finn: Banana hummingbird...
Jake: 47 grapes!
Ice King: [cleans throat] Anyone having any... [robotic voice] computer problems? [A laugh track plays and stops once Ice King turns off the recorder he is holding.]
Finn: How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo?!
Ice King: E-ha-ha-ha-ha! My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code...
Ice King: Once the glitch does its work, the whole world will be deleted! Except for me and my "Bubblygums." [Attempts to kiss Princess Bubblegum, who moves him away with a stick and then throws it at his face.] Ow!! Well, see y'all! I'm gonna prepare for my... date. Ahaha! [Teleports away.]
Donut Guy: [Crashes out of the door of a house with a glitchy face, running in circles.] AAAAAHH! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!! MY HOPES AND DREAMS—RUINED!!! [Emits beeps and runs away]
Finn: Don't worry, Princess, we'll take care of this thing.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, me too. [Loads her candy horse tranquilizer] I'm gonna take care of it, too. [Slowly walks away]
Finn: Okay! [Runs away with Jake]
[The scene changes to a street within the Kingdom with a glitchy transition. The Candy People are seen suffering and screaming from the glitches.]
Finn: [Grabs Mr. Cupcake] Don't worry, guy! I got you! [Mr. Cupcake disappears.] YEOW! JAKE, HELP ME!!!
Jake: [talking to Chocoberry] Okay, shh, you're safe! [Chocoberry's arms and legs fell apart then disappeared.]
Finn: Come here, guy!
Sugar Cube: No... Stay away from me!
Finn: I'm trying to help you, yo!
Sugar Cube: I saw what happened when you picked up Todd. [Fades away]
Finn: But... No!! Jake, this isn't working! We need a plan.
[Jake immediately falls asleep. 52 seconds later, almost the whole Kingdom has disappeared, including the ground and the sky. Finn slaps Jake's face, which wakes him up.]
Jake: Aw, man. Okay, here is my dream plan. You were wearin' tights made of green feathers. These tiny green feathers. And I was this wisecracking coelacanth that only ate popcorn. Anyway, we were in this—
[Finn panics and displays some emoticons on his face while Jake is talking.]
Jake: Hold on, I'm almost done. So we were trapped inside this huge egg, and after a while you started dancing in this kind of sign language. And then Ice King's glitchy stuff started eatin' my dream up. I peed in my pants, but you went up and talked to it. You just... talked to it.
Finn: Then talk to it I will. [Grabs a bit of glitch static from the ground.] Hey man, tell me the haps.
Jake: Yeah, tell us your feelings! Get deep.
[The static makes computerized noises. Subtitles appear on the screen saying "I can't help you, goofballs," which happens to be in front of Finn and Jake. It appears in inverse, confusing Finn and Jake.]
Jake: "Sllabfoog uoy pleh tnac I..."
Donut Guy: [running and screaming] OH, SWEET LORD, MY FACE! MY PERFECT...!!
Jake: Slaw frog yokel snacky. Snacky slaw frog yokel. Sea salt yack let a snacky. Yeah, that sounds good!
Donut Guy: AAAAAAAAAAH...!!!
Finn: [Digging in the static.] Jake, I think I found a way in!
Jake: No, wait, dude. I think I cracked the code!
Finn: There's no time! [Grabs Jake and enters a portal.]
Jake: AAAAAAH!!!
Finn: AAAAH... AAH!!!
[After a transition effect, Finn and Jake are teleported to the universal source code.]
Jake: This must be the universal source code!
[Finn floats to an ice crystal that contains the coding for Ice King and Princess Bubblegum.]
Finn: Huh? Ice King and Bubblegum?
[Jake is looking at the hexagons of code for a spider and a snake. The scene goes back to Ooo, where a snake and giant spider are seen facing each other. Back at the source code, Jake grabs the snake hexagon and connects it to the spider hexagon. In Ooo, it is shown the snake and the spider had been conjoined, creating a hybrid.]
Finn: Jake! Don't touch anything!
Jake: Huh?
Finn: I think the shiny things are the building blocks of the universe, man! They store every single thing that is a thing back on thing!
Jake: Okay, enough exploring already. Where is this glitch guy? I'm gonna smash his jimmies. [Looks to the front and cringes in fear]
Finn: Jake, what is it?
[Jake curls up into a ball in fear and points to a glitch monster with Ice King's face. The glitch grabs the hexagon of a chair and eats it. Back in the Candy Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is in her castle loading her candy gun when her chair and her other things start disappearing and she falls down.]
Ice King: Oh, Princess Bubblegum? Guess who? Can you guess? Can you? I'll give you 3 chances.
Princess Bubblegum: No.
Ice King: OK, four chances. [Imitates rimshot]
Princess Bubblegum: [Stands up] Ice King, give me the anti-virus, or I'll shoot you with my candy horse tranquilizer!
Ice King: But sugar, look what I brought you! A box of chocos! [Eats a chocolate] Hm... Still good. [Box disappears] Argh. Look, I can't prove it, but... [Bubblegum shoots him.] made a promise we'd have at least one date if... [PB shots him twice, and he starts speaking slowly.] ...if I was the last person on Ooo... [Ice King is shot several times in the face.] You promised... [The tranquilizer darts disappears and so does the gun, making Ice King healthy again.]
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, well, even if I did promised, you're not the last person on Ooo, because I'm still here. [PB starts kissing her left palm.]
Ice King: Well, uh... Ooh, I-I have a hand too, y'know? I can lend you one... [Ice King starts shaking his hand and a gross closeup of it is shown.] Check out my cool hand! [The camera zooms in on Ice King's ugly hand.]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, that's disgusting.
Ice King: Grrrr!!!
[Scene changes to Finn grabbing Jake by his arm in the source code.]
Finn: Come on, Jake, pull it together, man.
[The glitch grabs a piece from Jake's coding which happens to be his right arm. Finn is shown with a realistic face and notices Jake's arm had unattached from his body.]
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Oh, no, my arm! [grabs arm.] We had so many great times together...
[A flashback of Jake "flying" his arm as if it was a kite is shown.]
Jake: Dooby, dooby, dooby, dooby, skeebily, skeebily, dapdy doo...
[Flashback changes to Jake in a bathroom with his arm tapping on his left shoulder behind his back.]
Jake: Huh? Who's that? [Sees it was Righty] Awww.
[Flashback changes to Jake lifting proudly a portrait of he with his right arm, and then the flashback ends]
Jake: [confidently] Let's do this... for Righty!
Finn: That's the spirit! [Grabs sword.] ADVENTURE TI--!!! [Finn's legs starts fading.] Oh, my gams!! Hold up, dude, my body's changing! 
[Scene changes to Ooo, almost completely deserted. Princess Bubblegum is still making out with her hand, while a sad Ice King is building ice statues of himself.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Kisses her hand several times, and then licks it, after that, she pushes it away.] ...No. [Continues kissing the hand.]
Ice King: Oh, come on, woman, I'm trying to be nice! Can't you at least make the best out of this? [PB walks to Ice King and kneels in front of him.] Are you praying to me? I'm into this. [Bubblegum lifts his tunic, covering his head as if it were a bag.] ...I'm still into this. [The princess pushes him, making him to fall down.] Still into it.
Princess Bubblegum: [Stomping Ice King's head.] GIVE ME THE ANTI-VIRUS!
Ice King: I can't, monkey peeps, I didn't make one! The glitch will delete everything until we're all that's last!
Princess Bubblegum: You mean, forever?!
Ice King: Well, yeah! I mean, you say that like it's a bad thing.
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Finn and Jake....
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake in the source code. Jake is stretched as a giant floating worm and Finn is only a head, with his sword in his mouth.]
Jake: So, hey, Finn, how do you plan on taking this guy out?
Finn: [voice is muffled by the sword]
Jake: Okay, I guess it's worth trying.
[A "One Second Later" transition is shown, which lasts exactly 20 seconds. After that, Finn and Jake get close to the glitch. Jake launches Finn with his tail, and Finn's sword cuts make a teeth-like formation that eats his sword. Jake goes back to normal, showing that he's also only a head now. The screen is shown to be glitchy, with lots of lag effects.]
Jake: Aah! What we do now?
Finn: We gotta get those things... outta his stomach.
[A glitchy image of the gross video of the girl is shown in the background.]
Jake: Hey, Finn! Remember that gross video Ice King sent?
Finn: [disgusted] Ugh, yeah. [confidently] Yeah!!
[Jake floats to Finn's hat and takes it away with his mouth, showing his enormous hair. Finn bites a bit of hair.]
Jake: Let's double team these locks! [Bites Finn's hair and starts swallowing it along with Finn. The glitch gets more glitchy. As the glitch roars and starts coughing, it pukes out all of the things it ate from the universal source code. Weird, random stuff starts to happen, it loads and the land of Ooo starts reloading with the candy people. By a pond, Finn and Jake come back still biting Finn's hair.]
Finn and Jake: We did it! [They high-five and start coughing.]
Jake: You should wash your hair!
Finn: You should wash your mouth! [They start walking as Ice King is seeing the land of Ooo reloading.]
Ice King: Huh? No way! Impossible! [Makes noises and when he moves, the house he was in reloads. His head was already outside of the house, so his head gets stuck in the wall.] Uh...
Jake: Everything back to normal, huh? 
Finn: Seems like it. 
Donut Guy: [running] Aah! My face!! My beautiful face is back to normal!!! Aaah!!!! [Runs around Finn and Jake, Finn stops him.]
Finn: Hey, have you seen the princess anywhere?
Donut Guy: Yes, she's in the Ice King's castle. AUGGH! [Starts running again.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Destroying Ice King's holographic computer with a baseball bat] Useless-- [Hits it with the baseball bat.] Ugh! --computer! You sassa-frassin-- Nu!! --hammer-slammin-- Ruh! --wamma-jammin... [Stomps on the computer.] Ugh! [elbow drops on it as the table collapses.] Ugh! [Hits the computer twice.] Ah-ya-ya-ya-ya! [Hits it hard. She sees Finn and Jake.] Finn and Jake! [Throws the baseball bat away.] My heroes! [Picks them up and hugs them.]
Jake: Yeah, no big deal. Geez... [PB and Jake make faces on their hand and elbow.]
Princess Bubblegum's hand: I missed you!
Jake's elbow: I missed you, too! [They kiss.] Whoa, you taste different, baby! You been playin' basketball in someone else's hockey rink?
Finn: Ahem... Hey, Bubs, where's the Ice King? I wanna kick his boingloings! 
Jake: Yeah. Where is he? I wanna kick his boingloings, too!
Ice King: Uh... guys? Hello? Princess. Uh... Let's forget all about this... [the snake-spider hybrid wanders onscreen and bites Ice King several times.] Ugh get off of me, you creep! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

Episode ends