Lady Rainicorn (mentioned)
Ice King (mentioned)
Lady Rainicorn (mentioned)
Ice King (mentioned)
This transcript is complete
- [Finn and Jake are sitting atop a cliff made from a decrepit skyscraper overlooking a body of water]
- Finn: Hey, Jake, do you think you should date someone just like you or someone who’s like your opposite?
- Jake: I don’t know. I’m the "first come first serve" kinda guy. Get in line, ladies! This Rainicorn thing can’t last forever! [chuckles] [Magic Man peeks out from under a strip of grass, unnoticed by Finn and Jake] I didn’t mean that. Don’t spread that around.
- Finn: So it’s not good to weigh someone’s qualities against your own?
- Jake: Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you feel something! [Jake’s head turns into a graph and his hand an upward moving arrow] It’s not about personality matrixals and charts, it’s all about the bu-bumps in your heart! [His head is a heart shape that beats every time he say “bumps” or “pumps”. He gets extremely close to Finn and his eyes are bugging out] You can’t stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! [Finn chuckles, as does Magic Man]
- Jake: What about them? [Looks confused]
- Finn: Would they make a good couple?
- Jake: Whoa! Wait! Did BMO say something to you?
- Finn: No no!
- Jake: Oh, I see. You’re being weird.
- [Magic man reaches down into his hole and pulls out a bag]
- Finn: It’s not that weird! Come on!
- Magic Man [quietly]: Do what thoust will be the whole piece of Law.
- Jake: BMO and Ice King?
- [Magic man puts the bag on the outside of Finn’s pants]
- Finn: Yeah!
- Magic Man [quietly]: I’m not coming back. [Retreats into his hole]
- Jake: You’re creepin’ me out. [Gets up]
- Finn: I’m just thinkin’ out loud. [Jake starts walking away and Finn bends forward so he can see Jake between his legs] What, can’t think out loud?
- [Finn is walking back home with Jake]
- Jake: Oh, is that what you’re doing?
- Finn: Yeah man! Pffft, jeez don’t be judgy.
- Jake: I’m not!
- Finn: Yeah, you are!
- Jake: How could you know that?
- Finn: I can hear it in your tone.
- Jake: You can? [in a mocking tone]
- Finn: Yeah, wise-guy.
- Jake: [Pointing to the bag] Hey, what’s that in your pants?
- Finn: [Looking at the back of his pants] What?! Not again! [Finn sees the bag on the other side] Oh. I don’t know. [Finn grabs the bag] Whoa, look.
- Jake: Crazy. [Finn opens the bag and reaches in] Careful, dude.
- Finn: What the--? [Finn pulls out his hand with Princess Bubblegum, Lumpy Space Princess, BMO, Jake, and himself]
- Jake: What the heck?! Are they alive?! [They are now moving around aimlessly]
- Finn: Hey, are you guys alive? [BMO starts to fall off, but Jake catches him] I don’t know, man, I think they’re some kind of magic toy.
- Jake: Maybe it’s black magic. Maybe we shouldn’t mess with them.
- Finn: No, man, look! That’s you! [Jake is playing the viola with Lumpy Space Princess on his back and Finn and BMO are dancing to the music] You’re totally shedding on the viola.
- Jake: Yeah, that’s good. How many more thingies are in there?
- Finn: [Looks in the bag] Dude. Like a lot. Come on! Let’s check this out at the house. [They run towards the house]
- Jake: I’ll make a special spagot [spaghetti] with a new sauce.
- [Finn is at the table while Jake is cooking the spaghetti. He dumps out some of the little people onto the table]
- Finn: Sheesh. So many. PB, you hang out with Lady. [Picks up Princess Bubblegum and moves her towards Lady] C-listers, go back in the bag. [Pushes Xergiok, Donny, Tiffany, Lemongrab, one of the Gumdrop lasses, and'Turtle Princess]
- Jake: [stirring the noodles] Who’s in the C-list? [Adds something, possibly wine, from a bottle, then dumps some spaghetti onto each plate]
- Finn: Tiffany, Donny. [To himself] Well, he’s okay. [Out loud] Xergiok... a bunch o' these guys!
- Jake: That’s not very nice. [Turns off the stove and brings the food to the table]
- Finn: Don’t worry, man. They’ll get involved eventually.
- Jake: Involved with what? [Sits down and gives Finn his food]
- Finn: I don’t know. Involved. Check out Lady and Princess Bubblegum!
- Jake: [Stretches to get forks. Lady and Princess Bubblegum are having a conversation. It looks as though Princess Bubblegum is asking Lady questions] What are they talkin’ about?
- Finn: It’s hard to say, but I think it’s got something to do with Lady being preggos [pregnant].
- Jake: Whoa! What kinda narrative are you trying to create here?!
- Finn: That’s your narrative, buddy.
- Jake: Alright, well, what else ya got goin’ on?
- Finn: Hmm. Not much really. I got Ice King over here. [Points to Ice King]
- Jake: Ice King? He’s not C-list?
- Finn: [Looking through the bag to find Ice King's drum kit] Yeah, well, I saw his drum kit in here. Here we go. [Puts it in front of Ice King] Okay, jam out, little Ice King. [Ice King starts playing]
- Jake: [Little Jake sees the Ice King playing and runs over to him to join in] No. Don’t play with that hack. Aww, man. Hmm. [Jake looks surprised] They’ve got good chemistry. Who’d have guessed?
- Finn: Chemistry...
- [Finn looks as though he just had a good idea. He looks at several groups of toy people. Ice King and Jake playing together. Marceline and Hunson Abadeer in the background with Finn stealing Lemongrab’s Lemon Camel in the foreground. Mr. Cupcake exercising. Flame Princess and Lumpy Space Princess playing cards]
- Jake: Hey, Finn, eat the food before it gets cold. [Pops up from behind Flame Princess and Lumpy Space Princess] I made a new sauce! Umm, earth to Finn, are you okay?
- Finn: Yeees.
- [Later on, Finn is now awake, but in bed with Jake fast asleep. Finn looks over at Jake to make sure he’s asleep. Confident that he’s asleep, he grabs the bag from under his pillow and retreats into his sleeping bag. He takes the lens off a flashlight and puts it in front of him. Then he takes Mr. Cupcake and Lumpy Space Princess out. Mr. Cupcake starts flexing and Lumpy Space Princess is impressed. Finn chuckles. Lumpy Space Princess looks enamored and begins working her lumps. Mr. Cupcake and Lumpy Space Princess start kissing]
- Finn: Whoooooa.
- [Finn looks curious and takes away Lumpy Space Princess. Mr. Cupcake looks surprised. Finn looks and the bag and then mixes it. Finn grabs Lady and then checks to make sure Jake is still asleep. He then puts Lady next to Mr. Cupcake. Mr. Cupcake starts flexing, but Lady ignores him and grazes a piece of Finn’s sleeping bag. When he sees nothing is happening, he pushes Lady into Mr. Cupcakes arms. Mr. Cupcake wiggles his eyebrows and Lady laughs.]
- [Finn then grabs Jake and contemplates what he’s about to do. He looks a bit concerned. Lady and Mr. Cupcake are kissing and Finn puts Jake right in front of them. Jake doesn’t notice, but Finn moves his head around to see them. Then Jake starts yelling “wah”. Mr. Cupcake drops Lady and she acts with indignation towards Jake. Jake argues back and then Mr. Cupcake starts yelling at Jake. Jake pushes him and Lady pleads that they not fight. Finn looks towards the bag and then looks back with realization. He empties out the bag. The scene ends.]
- Jake: [Jake wakes up and heads down stairs. Finn is sitting at the dinner table with a multitude of Jay T. Doggzone books arranged into a little town] You’re up early.
- Finn: I didn’t sleep. [Very blunt and tired]
- Jake: [Comes back to the table with a drink in a mug] You stay up all night readin’ trash books? [Finn makes a weak “meh” sound.] I told you, man. Those datin’ books. [Sips drink] That stuff is mess you up. [Drinks again]
- Finn: I’m not reading. I’m playing with the little wees.
- Jake: Oh, let me see little me. [Stretches his head to find little Jake is sitting by himself next to an open book] Me look so lonely. Hey, Finn, pass me little Lady.
- Finn: Uh, you guys broke up.
- Jake: [Confused] Wha?
- Finn: She’s with someone else now.
- Jake: [Angry] Who?!
- Finn: He’s a cool guy, don’t worry about it.
- Jake: [Hears Lady laughing and goes to the source. He finds little Finn in Lady’s lap kissing under a book teepee] Ahhhhhh! [Slams his fists on the table] What the ball, man?!
- Finn: [Laughs and shrugs; he doesn’t sound as worn out as before] What?
- Jake: What? What do ya think “what”?!
- Finn: Come on, they’re not real, they’re like toys. These guys here, they’re goin’ out. [Points the Marceline and Peppermint Butler in a tea cup. Marceline licks the red off of Peppermint Butler’s side.] Pretty serious. And look at Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl. They’re still testing the waters. [Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl are dancing and are joined by Abracadaniel] But I think things are gonna work out. Check out Xergiok and Turtle P. [Turtle Princess is seen lightly spanking Xergiok. Finn laughs.] Weird. But cool. Right, Jake?
- Jake: [slowly backs towards the exit] I don’t like where you’re going with this. It ain’t wholesome. I’m gonna go to Lady’s for a few days. To clear my head. [Leaves]
- Finn: Okay. Whatever whatevs. [Goes over to little Finn and Lady and chuckles] Weird. [Grabs little Finn and Flame Princess] Huh?
- [Finn puts both of them near each other, but nothing happens. Finn breaks off part of a cookie and puts in on little Finn’s head. He grabs it and Flame Princess yawns. Finn uses a pencil to move little Finn’s legs to walk towards Flame Princess. Flame Princess is pleasantly surprised to see little Finn and giggles. Little Finn breaks part of the cookie crumb off and gives it to Flame Princess. They then start to eat each end of what’s left. Lady comes out of her teepee to see little Finn and Flame Princess and starts crying hysterically]
- [Finn then drops Princess Bubblegum in between Flame Princess and little Finn. At first they awkwardly stand around, but Finn moves Princess Bubblegum’s hand onto little Finn’s shoulder. She begins massaging his shoulders and he likes it. Real Finn looks around nervously to make sure no one can see what he’s doing. Then they kiss and Flame Princess is outraged. She begins yelling at Princess Bubblegum and Princess Bubblegum yells back. Little Finn tries to diffuse the situation, but Flame Princess leaps onto Princess Bubblegum. Princess Bubblegum’s dress catches on fire so she runs away into Lady’s teepee. Using Lady as a kind of hose, the water being her tears, Princess Bubblegum partially extinguishes Flame Princess. They begin fighting and real Finn is astonished and begins blushing.]
- [A card that reads "16 WEEKS LATER" comes up.]
- Jake: I’m back! I got over all that messed up stuff you did. [The tree house is covered in trash and Finn looks awful] Yeesh. You okay, man?
- Finn: I don’t know.
- [Little Finn is standing on top of a book staring into the distance]
- Jake: What’s little Finn doing?
- Finn: He’s... thinking.
- Jake: [Looks concerned] He looks sad. What’s he thinking about?
- Finn: I don’t know. Probably lots of stuff.
- Jake: Where’s little Rainicorn?
- Finn: Probably still crying.
- Jake: Wha?
- Finn: She’s not handling the break-up very well.
- Jake: [sees Lady still crying in her teepee] Aww.
- Finn: PB's good, though. [Princess Bubblegum is on a weight bench lifting weights and she has become very toned. She looks very angry.] After little Finn dumped her, she started working out. Looks like she’s really into it.
- Jake: This is messed up, dude. You’ve crossed the line from weird curiosity to some dark messed up stuff.
- Finn: [Looks perturbed] I know!
- Jake: [Marceline has licked away half of Peppermint Butler] The destruction! [Xergiok looks like he’s in pain and Turtle Princess is furiously spanking him] The depravity! [Choose Goose, Abracadaniel, and Lollipop Girl are all tangled up together] The wrongness of it all! I’m taking that bag back to the cliff where we found it. [Tries to grab them but Finn grabs his arms.]
- Finn: No, man! I gotta fix this mess! Look at me, man! I’m staring into the shadow of my darkest mind hole! I gotta help him!
- Jake: You can’t! Just let them do their own biz, man!
- Finn: I junked them up too hard though! I gotta step in!
- Jake: How would ya do that?
- Finn: [Lets go of his arms and Jake steps back] I’m gonna talk to him.
- Jake: But he can’t hear you.
- Finn: Yeah, why is that?
- Jake: Hmm. Maybe we’re on different dimensional planes and the border between our planes is like a two way mirror. So we can see him, but he can’t see us.
- Finn: [Gets really close to little Finn] Lemme try this. Finn! Can you hear me? [Sticks his tongue out while talking and pokes little Finn a few times] We’re connected! FINN!
- [Little Finn is shown standing as the same cliff shown in the beginning of the episode and talks as though he’s depressed]
- Jake: Try shakin’ him.
- Finn: Why?
- Jake: Maybe we’re vibrating on different intervals. Try shakin’ him at different speeds and see if he responds.
- Finn: [Grabs him and starts shaking] Okay. Fiiiiiiinn! Fiiiiiiiiiinn!
- Jake: Now go faster!
- Finn: FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN!
- [In the Little People's world, some clouds begin to form a crude Finn head.]
- Jake: Faster!
- Finn: [The cloud Finn says this in the Little People's world] FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINN! [The clouds dissipate and little Finn looks surprised]
- Jake: Go slower, he saw you!
- Finn: Okay. [In the Little People’s world] Fiiiinn. Can you hear me?
- Little Finn: Wah wah wah.
- Jake: Whoa! Neat!
- Finn: I made you do those crummy things. I’m why yous guys is fighting. I’m the big you. I came to apologize. I will never interfere with your lives again. [Little Finn asks a question] Don’t worry I will take care of it. [The clouds dissipate and then reassemble] Sorry, my arm got tired. [Little Finn is confused by this.] Never mind. It’ll be fine. Goodbye, little Finn! I’m not coming back!
- Jake: Now what?
- Finn: [shaking Lady, Princess Bubblegum, and Flame Princess at the same time and they all see the cloud] Hey, ladies! This is big Finn! I caused all the problems! It wasn’t anyone’s fault! Don’t be mad at each other! Have a… dance party! Okay, goodbye! I’m not coming back! [Finn pulls a stereo out of the bag and starts the music. The three of them begin dancing and with the others.]
- Jake: Is that gonna do it? [The little people join the party and start dancing] Get the C-listers out. [They begin dancing as well] Good party. Oh, flip! [BMO and the Ice King are dancing] Look who’s hittin’ it off with the Ice King! [Chuckles]