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Candy Tavern People
Candy Tavern People
This transcript is complete.
- Jake: [sets table] Finn, lunch is ready!
- Finn: [holds nose] Ugh, what are you cooking?
- Jake: It's good! I learned it from Rainicorn.
- Finn: I'm not eatin' that. It smells funny.
- Jake: Dude, this took me, like—
- Finn: Let's go over to Tree Trunks's and get some apple pie! Apple pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Apple Pie! Let's go! [grabs Jake's arm]
- Jake: Whoa! [grabs a shrimp from his plate before he leaves] Eh.
- [Scene changes to Tree Trunks' house.]
- Finn: [knocking on door] Tree Trunks! [opens door and walks in with Jake] [gasps]
- [Tree Trunks is lying on the floor next to a broken table, motionless.]
- Finn: [running over to her] Tree Trunks! Tree Trunks?
- Tree Trunks: [mumbling] Apples... my apples...
- Jake: Apples?
- Tree Trunks: You! [jumps at Jake] You took my apples! [starts hitting Jake]
- Finn: Whoa, whoa! [grabs Tree Trunks] Tree Trunks, it's us, Finn and Jake!
- Tree Trunks: Finn... and, and Jake?
- Finn: It's okay, Tree Trunks. We're here to help you. Just tell us what happened.
- Tree Trunks: [tearing up] They took 'em. They took all of 'em.
- Jake: All of what?
- Tree Trunks: Apples. My apples that I raised with love from, from mere seedlings. Without my special apples, I won't be able to bake any more apple pies.
- Finn & Jake: NOOOOOOOO!
- Finn: Don't you worry, Tree Trunks. We'll find those thieves and bring them to justice.
- Tree Trunks: Let me show you the crime scene. [leads them outside] You see, boys: scads of apple trees but, but no apples.
- Finn: Hmm. Is anything else missing, Tree Trunks?
- Tree Trunks: No, Finn, they didn't touch my rocks, or my birds, or my flowers, or, or nothing.
- Finn: Hm. Well, I don't see any footprints. What'cha got, Jake?
- Jake: [patting the air] No ghost doodies. Oh. Oh, wait. [feeling something invisible] Oh, no. No.
- Finn: Hm. Tree Trunks, is there anyone you can think of who might want to crunk you up?
- Tree Trunks: Oh, no, Finn. I take great care to assure that-that I'm loved by even the most heinous cretins—
- Jake: Hey, guys, I found something! Look!
- [Finn and Tree Trunks join Jake at the edge of a hole.]
- Tree Trunks: Uh!
- Raggedy Princess: Oh, heheh, hey, Finn. Heheh.
- Finn: Oh, hey, Raggedy Princess. Have you seen anything fishy going on?
- Raggedy Princess: Um, no, heheh. I've been kinda down in this hole for a long time. [laughs nervously] I got knocked down here by some ne'er-do-wells. It was terrible. I was so scared.
- Tree Trunks: Ne'er-do-wells? They stole my apples. [flapping ears] I'm gonna sass those boys up nasty!
- Finn: [laughs] Awesome. Where do we find these guys?
- Jake: Oh, the Candy Tavern, man. I used to hang out there back when I used to snatch old ladies' purses.
- Finn: [jaw drops with "brring" sound effect]
- Jake: Don't worry, I stopped doing that a long time ago. I didn't know it was wrong.
- Finn: [jaw still hanging, with higher "brring" sound effect]
- Tree Trunks: Okay, you two, let's get going.
- [Scene changes to outside the Candy Tavern. Someone gets thrown out of the window.]
- Candy Tavern Person: Whoa!
- Tree Trunks: [gasps] Oh, my!
- [The three enter the tavern. A Candy Person at the bar repeatedly stabs his hand with a spoon, and an angry cookie shakes.]
- Finn: Uh, does Princess Bubblegum know about this place?
- Jake: Be cool, man. You're gonna queer the deal.
- Finn: Oh, yeah. Try not to act suspicious, Tree Trunks.
- Tree Trunks: Okay, I won't.
- [The three walk up to the Candy Tavern Bartender.]
- Finn & Tree Trunks: Where—?
- Finn: Oh. [motions for Tree Trunks to continue]
- Tree Trunks: Where's my dang apples?
- Finn: Oh, [laughs] Tree Trunks, you're so silly. But, but listen, you wouldn't happen to have seen any—I don't know—apples around, have you?
- Bartender: "Seen any apples?" Y'all ask a lot of dumb-butt questions... almost like you're trying to solve somethin'.
- Finn: What? Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no.
- Bartender: Mmm... clean, too. Almost like some [pounds bar] do-gooders!
- Jake: Hold on, we gotta go potty.
- [The three enter the bathroom and rub dirt all over their bodies.]
- Finn: Dang. They almost got us, but I think we blend in pretty well now.
- Tree Trunks: [licking toilet paper] This, this toilet paper's drying my mouth all up.
- Finn: Uh, Tree Trunks, don't eat that. [sighs] Here. [holds her up to the mirror] [whispers to Jake] You gotta watch her, man!
- Tree Trunks: Oh, I look just like an army brat!
- [The three return to the bartender.]
- Bartender: What can I do for you?
- Finn: [pouring drink onto bar] You know where a guy might maybe score some apples? [drops mug onto the floor, shattering it]
- Bartender: Well, when you put it like that.... A couple of buddies I know have some apples for sale. I'll show you.
- [He leads them to a back door and opens it to a tall gingerbread man and an upside-down ice cream cone.]
- Bartender: Hey, fellas, these folks been askin' 'bout your... apples?
- Jaybird: [scratches chin] Okay, show 'em the apples, Smudge.
- [Smudge picks up a trash can and puts it over Jake.]
- Jaybird: Grab 'em!
- [The bartender grabs Finn and Tree Trunks.]
- Jaybird: You go back, and you tell your boss to stop looking for those apples 'cause they're ours now!
- Finn: Wha-what boss?
- Jaybird: Your boss! Dr. J?
- Finn: We don't know any Dr. J.
- Jaybird: [punches Finn's forehead] Liars! Come on, Smudge [walks off] [mumbling] ...gonna take my apples.
- [The bartender drops Finn and Tree Trunks and closes the door. Jake takes the trash can off.]
- Jake: What just happened?
- Finn: I guess these guys who stole Tree Trunks' apples also stole Dr. J's apples, and they thought we were workin' for him!
- Tree Trunks: Finn? Finn.
- Finn: Hm?
- Tree Trunks: This could be dangerous, a-and if you want to go back home, I understand, but I need to do this.
- Finn: Yeah, Tree Trunks, me too.
- Jake: Hey, Finn.
- Finn: Hm?
- Jake: [pointing to mark] What's that on your face, buddy?
- Finn: Oh, that guy bopped me one. Must've had a ring on.
- Jake: Y'know, I think I seen that symbol somewhere before. Yeah, right next door to where I used to hawk stolen bikes.
- Finn: What?!
- Jake: I didn't know it was wrong.
- [Scene changes to the outskirts of the Candy Kingdom.]
- Jake: [points to a building with the mark] Yeah, you see? That guy must work here or somethin'.
- [The three walk up to the building.]
- Finn: [knocks on the door] Hello?
- Wormo: [through door] Who's the heck happening? What?
- Finn: Uh, we're here about the apples?
- Wormo: Oh, okay. Let's see your ring.
- Finn: Um...
- Jake: Here. [forms a ring on his finger and shows it to Wormo]
- Wormo: [opens door] Come on in. Follow this guy. [leads them in]
- [Before the door closes, someone stops it with their foot.]
- Wormo: [leading them downstairs] My boss is gonna be real psyched I found someone to buy his apples. A whole crate. [shows them a crate of diamonds]
- Finn: What the?
- Wormo: What's wrong, guy?
- Finn: These aren't apples.
- Wormo: Oh, ya didn't mean diamonds? All ne'er-do-wells call diamonds "apples." Like calling money "bread" or rock-knockers "butter-slaps."
- Jaybird: [opening door] Hey, Wormo, we're back—what the?! [points to Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks] What are they doing here?
- Wormo: They're here for the apples.
- Jaybird: That's the dang Dr. J gang, Wormo! Grab 'em!
- [Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks are tied up.]
- Tree Trunks: Um, sir? [laughs nervously] I promise if you let us go, we won't tell no one about your apples.
- Wormo: Feed 'em to the pig.
- Smudge: Yeah, the pig.
- Jaybird: Heheh, yeah, all right. [walks offscreen and returns carrying Mr. Pig]
- Mr. Pig: Uh, I'm sorry, y'all. They're makin' me do this. I-I'll try to make it quick.
- Dr. J: Hold it!
- [Dr. J and his gang appear.]
- Jaybird: Dr. J! [drops pig]
- Dr. J: Yeah, yeah, and I want my apples back.
- Jaybird & Dr. J: [in unison] Get 'em, boys!
- [While the gangs fight, Finn, Jake, and Tree Trunks free themselves from the rope, and Jake brings the pig with them to Tree Trunks' house.]
- Tree Trunks: [starts sobbing]
- Finn: Aw, don't cry, Tree Trunks.
- Tree Trunks: But we're never gonna find those apples.
- Mr. Pig: Apples? You guys looking for apples?
- Jake: Uh, yeah, why?
- Mr. Pig: 'Cause I can hear a bunch of apples in this room.
- Jake: Wait, you mean "apples" as "diamonds"?
- Mr. Pig: No.
- Jake: "Apples" as "apples"?
- Mr. Pig: Yep.
- Finn: You mean apples that we eat?
- Mr. Pig: Yes.
- Tree Trunks: With all due respect, Mr. Pig, sir, my apples were stolen by a dirty, rotten criminal who needs to be put in jail.
- Mr. Pig: I'm just telling you the facts, ma'am. What I hear is a whole pigload of apples inside that closet. [points to wardrobe] They sound scared.
- Tree Trunks: Well, I hate to tell you this, boys, but there's no apples in this closet. [sticks tail into keyhole] You see, uh, I'm the only one who knows how to open this closet. [opens it]
- [Dozens of apples spill out.]
- Finn & Jake: [gasp]
- Tree Trunks: Oh, so I was the apple thief after all.
- Finn: No, Tree Trunks, that's preposterous.
- Tree Trunks: No, Finn, I'm a criminal, [picks up phone and dials 911] and I need to pay the price.
- Banana Guard [over phone]: Banana Guard speaking.
- Tree Trunks: Uh, this is Tree Trunks. I've done somethin' horrible, and I want you to come over and arrest me.
- [Finn and Jake exchange sad looks.]
- [Scene changes to outside the house, with Tree Trunks in handcuffs and two Banana Guards standing by.]
- Finn: Tree Trunks, you don't need to do this.
- Tree Trunks: Thank you, Finn and Jake, but I won't let myself slip away from such a terrible crime. Goodbye.
- Finn: Tree Trunks.
- Banana Guard: Ah, this is hard to watch. I'm gonna look away.
- [Several crows fly out of the forest.]
- Banana Guard: This place could use a scarecrow.
- Finn: Huh? Wait, what'd you say?
- Banana Guard: Uh, I-I said this place could use a scarecrow.
- Finn: A scarecrow, no footprints, all those magpies on the roof, Raggedy Princess in the ditch, and all the apples in Tree Trunks's closet.
- Banana Guard [in Finn's memory]: Boy, this place could use a scarecrow.
- Finn: That's it! [climbs onto Tree Trunks' house's roof] I knew it!
- [A nest is next to a hole in the roof. A magpie brings an apple to its chicks, but the apple falls into the hole.]
- Finn: The magpies have been stealing the apples and accidentally dropping them in this hole!
- Jake: And that's why there weren't any footprints around the tree!
- Finn: Yes. And the magpies were able to steal the apples because Raggedy Princess wasn't sitting on the fence post to scare them off!
- Tree Trunks: Does this mean I'm innocent?
- Jake: As innocent as a baby's butt cheek!
- Finn: [jumps off roof] [laughs] Awesome! This calls for a celebration! You know what that means, Tree Trunks!
- Tree Trunks: I'ma bake you the biggest and the tastiest apple pie you boys ever tasted. [strains and breaks the handcuffs]
- Banana Guards: Whoa.
- Tree Trunks: [to Banana Guards] Uh, you boys better stick around if you want a bite of my apple pie. [slaps Banana Guard]
- Banana Guard: She slapped my butt!
- [The other Banana Guard gives a thumbs up.]
- Tree Trunks: [laughs]
- [The others join in.]