This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Candy Streets" from season 5, which aired on June 24, 2013.

This transcript is mostly complete. It should be checked for minor errors.


[Finn and Jake are playing with cats who are pretending to push shopping carts in the Candy Kingdom while Princess Bubblegum looks at them.]
Finn: SLAM!
[Finn and Jake start laughing. Scene changes to Jake's cat sitting at a desk. Finn makes his cat wipe all of the stuff of the cat's desk.]
Jake: [Jake makes his cat pretend to say:] Hey! I was trying to read that!
Finn: That book is above your level.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake standing up with the cats in business suits.]
Jake: What business are you into?
Finn: None of your business!
Jake: Talk about it over lunch?
Finn: Heh, if you're buying.
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake holding their cats at a table with glasses of juice on top of it. Finn makes his cat knock some glasses over. Finn makes his cat splash in the juice spilled over.]
Jake: Hey!
Finn: Hey!
Finn and Jake: Fight!
[They get up and pace around each other and make their cats pretend fight. Princess Bubblegum walks over. Right then, LSP breaks in]
LSP: Ahh! it's terrible!
Finn, Jake and Princess Bubblegum: Lumpy Space Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: Whats wrong?!
LSP: You guys! Somebody stole something from me! Something I can't live without! [starts making noises and grunting]
Princess Bubblegum: I'll get something to calm her down. [Princess Bubblegum walks away]
LSP: I've been robbed! I've been robbed!
Princess Bubblegum: [yells] Out of the way!
[Princess Bubblegum runs into scene with a huge needle, charging at LSP and yelling.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Princess Bubblegum tries to inject LSP with a green serum.] I need help! Can you guys hold her down?
[Finn and Jake rush over and try to hold LSP down.]
LSP: Do something! I've been- ooh! [LSP is injected with the serum. Her voice drops pitch and slows down] Ohh! [mumbles incoherently]
Princess Bubblegum: Oops.
Finn: LSP! Who robbed you?
LSP: [in normal voice][mumbles incoherently and falls down to the ground]
Princess Bubblegum: I think I gave her too much.
[Finn and Jake face each other and have a quiet conversation.]
Finn: Jake. A crime has been committed. We must find the criminal.
Jake: We must.
Finn: [looks up] And retrieve whatever it is that was stolen from Lumpy Space Princess.
Jake: [looks up] Stolen. But all we have to go on is part of a name. Pete something. [Jake transforms into a magnifying glass] Need more clues! Hold me! [jumps into Finn's hand]
[Finn walks over to where LSP is lying down unconscious. He tries to use Jake as a magnifying glass.]
Finn: Clues, clues, clues.
LSP: [mumbles incoherently and holds up a golden key.]
Finn: What's that? I can't see it.
Jake: Oop, sorry. [opens mouth so there is a hole where the glass would be if he were really a magnifying glass] Aah!
Finn: There's something in her hand! [picks it up] A key! A key to...what? Three zero three. Hmm.
Jake: [closes his mouth so he can look at the key] Ooh, turn it around! [opens mouth again.]
[Finn turns the key around.]
Finn: Ah! [the key says 'The Coolest Hotel' with a picture of said hotel.] Looks like we've got our first lead!
[Scene changes to inside of The Coolest Hotel. Finn looks at a door marked '303' while Jake looks around in the hallway. Finn puts the key in the lock of the door and lightly pushes in the door before closing it and kicking it down again. He puts his hands in a gun-like position. They both walk inside. Inside is a purple room, worn down and littered with garbage. They both investigate the room. Finn searches using a flashlight, and Jake looks through stuff in the room.]
Finn: Hmm. Find anything, Jake?
Jake: [pulling out a plastic bag from inside another plastic bag] Got some bags and...wait- [pulls out another plastic bag] more bags. But no leads on Pete something.
Finn: [shining flashlight on can.] Same here. BMO. [BMO pops out of Finn's backpack.] Start marking evidence.
[BMO gets out of Finn's backpack and starts drawing lines around things inside the room and marking them with little flags. Jake is then shown shaking a potato chips bag. He finds some crumbs and eats them.]
Jake: Hmm.
[Finn opens the curtains in the room, and looks over Candy Kingdom. He spots a drugstore.]
Finn: Hmm.
BMO: [drawing hand turkeys on the wall] Hmm.
Finn: [Finn lifts a wooden log and finds a red substance.] Dude, check this! [Jake walks over.] Is this blood?
[Jake turns into a magnifying glass and looks at the "blood."]
Jake: Yeah man, that's definitely blood.
Finn: Hmm. LSP's injuries were 100 percent emotional. So it has to belong to Pete Sa-something. BMO, take a sample and do a full blood analysis. [in a Jersey accent] The works. [in normal accent] Hey, if that guy cut himself during the robbery, he might have gone somewhere to buy a mini adhesive bandage. There's a drugstore across the street!
Jake: [Jake jumps into Finn's hand.] Let's roll. [Jake morphs into a blob and consumes Finn within his body.]
Finn: Woah!
[Jake turns into a police car and drives himself out the window. He lands in front of the drugstore. He parks himself while making car noises. The scene changes inside the drug store where Ann is talking to a customer.]
Ann: And if the oozing persists, just come back [leans over] [in a slightly hushed tone] and I'll give you something a little stronger.
Finn: [Finn comes up from under the counter, pushing the customer out of the way.] I'm Finn. This is my partner, Jake. [Finn pulls up Jake who is in the form of a police badge.]
Jake: Hello, citizen. Had anyone in here looking to buy some mini adhesive bandages today?
Ann: A lot of people come through my store, gentlemen. You can't seriously think I'd be able to remember any one particular customer among the countless others I see on a daily basis, now, can you?
Finn: I guess not. Fair dues. C'mon, Jake.
Ann: [holding her finger up] Wait! Now that you mention it, there was this one guy in here earlier. Real suspicious type. Had a nosebleed. Said it was the first one he'd had in years. [As Ann is talking, Finn gets out a notepad and pencil.] Used to get them all the time as a kid, he said. [Jake slaps away the real notepad, and turns into a fake notepad for Finn to write on. He jumps into Finn's hands.] Can never remember if he was supposed to pinch his nose and hold his head back, or pinch his nose and hold his head forward. [As Finn tries to write on Jake, Jake blocks the pencil from writing on his body.] Maybe it was a case of being boxed on the nose too many times. [Finn finally pokes Jake, who stifles his laughter.] Made the blood vessels in his lower septum weak and vulnerable to hemorrhaging. Anyway, his mammy always said it was because he couldn't keep all those picky little fingers out of his dirty little nose holes. [As Ann is talking, Jake climbs on top of Finn's head and turns into a police hat.] He didn't buy it though. He always thought it had-
Finn: Ma'am, can you give us a name?
Ann: Mmm, nope. No wait, yes I can. Pete Sassafras.
[Finn and Jake look at each other with surprised looks. A transparent LSP flies across the screen from earlier saying, ""]
Finn: Did you catch which way he was going?
Ann: Of course! He said he was catching a train at 11:27, Candy Kingdom Station, Platform 5. Heh. Sorry, I wish I could remember more.
[Scene switches to Candy Kingdom Station, where Finn is looking through binoculars to try and find Pete Sassafras.]
Jake: See anyone who might be our guy?
Finn: [sighs] Nope. [Camera angle changes so we can see what Finn sees through the binoculars.] Nobody's suspicious here. Just a load of decent law-abiding folk. [Jake pushes binoculars away from Finn's eyes.] What the-?! Jake! What's with all the turning into stuff today?
Jake: I really like turnin' into cop stuff. I literally can't stop turning into cop stuff. [Scene changes into Jake's perspective. Jake puts on binoculars and looks at Platform 5.] Hey, there's Platform 5! [He looks down and sees a guy in an overcoat, and hiding in his clothes. Jake gasps.] I see a nasty tranch!
Finn: Let's book him, son.
[Finn and Jake run after the man, apologizing to disgruntled people as they run past them at the train station. Scene changes to show the man almost walk onto the train. Scene switches again to Finn and Jake jumping over the turnstyles.]
Finn: [at the man] Stop right there! What's under that skeezy trenchcoat ya-
Blueberry Cop 1: [shouts] Crook! [Finn and Jake grunt loudly.] Busted! For attempting to board a train without a ticket.
[The train whistles just as the man gets on board. Finn and Jake look on in horror. The train drives by them, leaving them in Candy Kingdom.]
Finn: Oh, guys, he's getting away!
Jake: We're not criminals, man! We're working the beat, just like you!
Blueberry Cop 1: Jimmy?
Blueberry Cop 2 (Jimmy): [licks Jake] Yup. Checks out. He tastes like police.
Blueberry Cop 1: [sighs] Sorry about that, officers, it was an honest mistake.
Finn: [looking at train] Ugh. We lost him.
Jake: Not yet we didn't! [Scene turns to show Jake in a police car form, standing over Finn. He lowers himself and eats Finn, which transports Finn into the driver's seat of the car. Finn looks horrified as Jake makes siren sounds. Jake drives himself along the railroad.]
Finn: Ugh! It's too far ahead! We'll never catch it.
Jake: If we cut through the forest, maybe we can head it off at the pass.
Finn: Sweet thinkin'.
[Jake steers off the railroad and into a forest. Finn pretends to be driving strenuously. The run into a lake and a herd of deer, sending the deer flying. Scene changes so we see the train exiting a tunnel. The forest is above the tunnel, and Finn and Jake drive out over the train passing under.]
Finn and Jake: Yeah!
[Scene changes to inside of the train. Finn and Jake enter through the back door's window and run to the shady man they saw earlier. Finn has his hands in a gun-like position.]
Finn: Are you Pete Sassafras?
Pete Sassafras: Wha-? Uh, I got a lot of names. Who's askin'?
Jake: [Jake turns into a gun inside of Finn's hands. He makes a clicking sound like Finn cocked a gun.] Give back what you stole from LSP!
Pete Sassafras: Who? What's that, an acronym or somethin'?
[Jake punches Pete as Finn shakes his head.]
Finn: Cuff 'em.
Jake: Ehh, I got this. [Jake morphs into handcuffs and climbs up the man's hands, breathing heavily.] You have the right to remain...[breathes heavily] busted.
[We see Pete on his seat in the train. The scene behind him morphs into a jail cell as cell bars fall in front of him.]
Pete Sassafras: Alright, you listen, flatfoot. There's been some kind of crazy mistake here. I didn't do nothin'!
Jake: Save it for the candy judge, Pete.
Finn: Look, you can cut the act and drop the sass, Sassafras. We've got an eye-witness and your blood at the scene of the crime.
Jake: You do the crime, you do the time, man!
Finn: Roll the dice, you pay the price.
Pete Sassafras: What dice? Oh, you guys are donkers.
Jake: Burgle our friend, it's the end. [morphs his hand into a giant fist] For you!
Pete Sassafras: I wanna see a lawyer.
[A lawyer suddenly appears behind Pete Sassafras. Everything he's wearing and even his body parts and hair are yellow-orange. He coughs 'A-hem!' and walks forward. He puts his arm around Pete Sassafras]
Lawyer: I'll handle this, Pete. You're upsetting my client. Just look at that face. That constitutes harassment, so give him some space. Don't worry buddy, I got this case.
[Finn and Jake start laughing. The scene pans back and we can see that the lawyer is part of Jake's arm. The "lawyer" starts laughing as well.]
"Lawyer": [in a menacing voice] Welcome to the next twenty-five years of your life.
Finn: [sighs] We deserve donuts.
Jake: Let's ball. [Finn and Jake start to leave.]
Pete Sassafras: No, wait, please! You guys!
[Finn and Jake exit the door, but then Jake puts the lawyer back through the door.]
"Lawyer": Guilty! [The door closes.]
[Scene changes to a donuts shop. Jake has morphed into a car, parked out front. Finn exits the shop with donuts and coffees in his arms.]
Finn: Man, we didn't just crack that case, we crunched it! Crumbled it!
Jake: We are awesome at being cops! [while eating a donut] No question about that.
Finn: [sighs] Call me crazy, but I was thinking maybe we should actually become detectives. Like, as a job! When we were out on the streets back there, getting those leads, busting that perp, it just felt so...I don't know...right.
Jake: [Jake forms a lump under Finn's coffee and puts his face on it. He eats Finn's donut.] I know, man. I actually totally do know exactly what you mean.
Finn: [Finn looks inside his donut bag for another donut. He pulls out a yellow one that turns out to be Jake. He starts to bite it, and then takes it out of his mouth.] Aw, dude. [Finn is shown sitting on the street with Jake in his hands.]
Jake: I told you: I have a problem. I can't stop!
BMO: [BMO walks by Finn sitting on the street.] Howdy, partner.
Finn: Oh hey, BMO. What's going on?
BMO: I finished processing the blood sample. And I have the result.
Finn: Nice!
Jake: Yeah, good work, BMO!
Finn: It's Pete Sassafras's blood, right?
BMO: No. It doesn't belong to anyone because it's not blood. It's tomato sauce.
[Finn drops Jake.]
Jake: Tomato sauce?
Finn: Hmm... [As Finn is thinking, Jake turns into a smoking pipe and climbs up Finn. He puts himself in Finn's mouth like Finn is smoking, reminiscent of Sherlock Holmes. A translucent LSP flies across the screen saying "Pete...sass" over and over.] Oh my mind! LSP wasn't trying to say "Pete Sa-something", She was trying to say "Pizza something!"
Jake: But how would pizza sauce end up in a hotel room?
Finn: [snaps his fingers] Unless it was delivered.
[Scene changes and shows Finn and Jake running through a forest. The camera shows their destination as they both say it's name.]
Finn and Jake: Pizza Sassy's!
[Finn and Jake walk in]
Finn: Where's the delivery guy?!
Man behind the counter: Oh, you mean Petey. He's out. He's makin' deliveries.
[Finn and Jake step back]
Jake: [whispering to Finn] Or maybe he's out tying up loose ends!
Finn: [gasps and screams] LSP could be in danger!
Jake: Danger! [Finn and Jake walk back to the counter.]
Finn: Phone?
Man behind the counter: Phone. [He smiles and points to a phone in the store.]
Finn: [Gasping, Finn grabs the phone. He makes sounds like he is typing in a number. He somehow makes a call to Princess Bubblegum without pressing anything.] Princess! Have some Banana Guards outside of LSP's hospital room!
Princess Bubblegum: Huh? Why?
Finn: LSP could be in danger!
Princess Bubblegum: LSP woke up and went back to her hotel room.
Finn: [screaming] OH MY JAM!!!
[Scene changes to outside of The Coolest Hotel. A pizza delivery guy's car is parked out front.]
Finn and Jake: He's already here! [They both run towards the hotel, screaming and gasping.]
[Scene changes to inside the front desk.]
Woman behind counter: Can I help you?
Finn and Jake: [screaming] LSP! [They run, screaming down the hallway to room 303, where they here LSP yelling "Oh no!" and "What are you doing?!" Jake breaks down the door and both Finn and Jake look in. They see LSP laying on top of the pizza delivery guy.]
LSP: It was you! You did it!
Petey: Help me! I was just delivering the pizzas she ordered. And now she won't let me leave.
Finn: LSP, what is going on? You said he stole something from you.
LSP: He did! He heart! [LSP starts sobbing]
[Petey looks up as Finn and Jake motion him to run away.]
Finn: Hurry up, dude!
Jake: Shh!
Finn: Right.
[They help Petey out from under LSP while she sobs.]
Petey: Thanks!
Finn: Shh. Go, go!
Petey: [while walking out] Yeah, no tip, huh? That's great. That's how it is, around here. Fine.
Jake: [morphing into police car] Huh, huh? Come on pal. Turns out the only case here is just another case of LSP being nutty!
[Jake drives out of the already broken window.]

Episode ends.