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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Checkmate" from season 7, which aired on November 19, 2015.

Locations
Gumbald's Cabin
Forest
This transcript is complete.


Transcript

Peppermint Butler: [thinking] Evil is rising. In vile power, the fiend walks among us again. The Vampire King. With all my investigations into the supernatural, I should know better, but I can't help it. I'm dying to see him in person! [aloud] I probably will die if I see him in person.
[Someone knocks on the door. Peppermint Butler opens it.]
Peppermint Butler: Hello?
Jake: Yo, yo, yo, yo! Bubblegum sent me for the bucket.
Peppermint Butler: Dozo. [gives Jake bucket]
Jake: Merci and adios.
Peppermint Butler: Wait! Uh... how's it going?
Jake: It's good, you know? Uh, Marceline's got all her powers back. She's getting ready to give the Vampire King a big, fat whompin', uh, I hope.
Peppermint Butler: Um, while that's going down, do you think you could ask the V.K. to sign something for me?
Jake: That would be weird. You're weird. [walks off]
[Peppermint Butler slams the door.]
[Cut to Princess Bubblegum and Marceline jumping jacks. Princess Bubblegum counts in German while Finn is making stakes from a branch. He starts singing Bacon Pancakes (Stakes ver.)]
Marceline: I dreamed about you while I was in my poison coma. I was old and withered, and you were still nice and pink.
Princess Bubblegum: [stops doing jumping jacks] You think I'm nice? Oh, brains! I lost count.
Marceline: That's okay. I'm done with bat jacks. [sighs] I have this weird feeling in my tums.
Princess Bubblegum: 'Cause you're scared of The Vampire King?
Marceline: No, it's not fear. I know what that feels like. So, maybe it's...love? [stomach rumbles] Oh! What is it?!
Jake: [imitating trumpet] It's the herald of a new snack dawn! [pours food out of the bucket]
Marceline: [sniffs] Oh, yeah.
Princess Bubblegum: I arranged a snacky-snack for the team.
Jake: [eating a burger] I love you, Bonnibel.
Marceline: Yeah, me too, Bonnibel. [starts eating the food] Ohh! [continues eating, then finshes] Holy macaroni! Can we do this all the time?
Princess Bubblegum: Later, we can, all the time. But, for now-now, we got to get our plan together.
Marceline: [eats an apple] Easy. First, we take down the V.K, kill him, destroy him, and...kill him! [continues eating the apple]
Jake: I like this plan! It's got good bones!
Princess Bubblegum: Well, the devil's in the details. Like, how do we even find him?
Vampire King: I come to you! [materializes with his cow]
Marceline: Vampire King!
Vampire King: In the flesh!
Marceline: Not for long, sucker! [raises a stake]
Vampire King: Whoa! I just want to talk.
Jake: Oh really! Why don't you step inside for a nice chat? [runs at the VK in the shape of a spike closet with stakes for spikes]
Vampire King: No, thank you. [he raises his arm and levitates Jake, throwing him far away]
[Marceline hisses and turns invisible, going at the Vampire King with a still-visible stake. He sees the stake and stops her, crushing the stake with his powers.]
Vampire King: Just hear me out, Marceline.
Princess Bubblegum: [taking aim at the Vampire King and shooting] Hear this!
Marceline: [becomes visible again, revealing that PB had shot her with the stake gun] Ouch!
Vampire King: Will you calm down and listen to-
Finn: YAHHH! [Finn runs at the Vampire King with the huge stake he was crafting before. He throws it and it falls short of the Vampire King by several feet]
Finn: [breathing heavily] Shoot.
[The Vampire King frowns at Finn]
Princess Bubblegum: [to Marceline, who heals the stake out of her arm] Sorry.
[PB and Marceline look up to see the Vampire King holding Finn by the head, who has no hat on. He is struggling to escape.]
Vampire King: Stay calm, and nobody gets hurt. I know what you must think of me, and you'd be right. [pulls Finn's neck closer to his mouth] My thirst for blood is an awesome force. But in these new times, I have a chance to try a different course. [sets Finn down]
Vampire King: I think I wanna-
[PB immediately shoots her stake gun at the King, who catches it in his hand.]
Finn: Roll out! [somersaults away, grabbing a stake] Thorn arm! [outstretching his grass arm] ACTIVATE!
[Nothing happens.]
Finn: [to his arm] You gonna help, or what?
Vampire King: [throws bit of stake at Finn's face and walks up to him] Let me finish my thought.
Finn: [raising his own stake up at the V.K.] Stake you! [The Vampire King grabs Finn's wrist] Okay, go ahead.
Vampire King: This is the old way. Agents of darkness and light in a tug-of-war. But now, a creature can step out of that struggle. In this age, why would I want to be the Vampire King anymore?
Princess Bubblegum: [coldly] I don't know, why would you?
Vampire King: I wouldn't. I submit. [kneeling down, placing hands behind back] Take the vampire essence from my blood. Free me from the shackles of my station.
Marceline: [glances at the King, then at her stake, then runs at him] YAHHHH! [Abruptly, she stops when she sees Finn protecting him.] FINN! What the heck?!
Finn: It's against my code to strike a foe who's raised his bottom to the sky. The Enchiridion explicitly states so.
Marceline: Dem are your rules.
Finn: Dem a good rule dhough.
Marceline: Outta my way!
Finn: Ep, ep, ep, ep, ep! Look. [points to his eyes, which are big and sad looking] Look at these babies. These pleadin' puppies.
[Marcy shoves Finn out of the way and attacks, but the Vampire King grabs her and they fly into the sky]
Finn: Whoops. Shoulda staked him.
[The Vampire King and Marceline are struggling with each other as they rise higher into the air. They separate and face each other.]
Vampire King: How many times do you wanna do this, Marceline? Our lives have magnetized. We're in a negative loop. [Marceline turns into a bat and goes after him] But we can change our outcome this time!
Marceline: I like the outcome where you get staked!
Vampire King: And you become a vampire?
[Marcy snarls, but changes back into her regular form.]
Vampire King: Marceline. [she punches him] I know I was ruthless in the past. But tell me, what's the one thing you've noticed about the world, since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Marceline: Everything repeats over and over again. No one learns anything, 'cause no one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
Vampire King: But you've lived long enough.
Marceline: I know. Duh.
Vampire King: And you still think this is the right way? Fighting me?
Marceline: The other way's like a black hole; an unknown.
Vampire King: So let's consult a witch-
Marceline: [punching him back and taking out a stake] No witches.
[where the King flew back, the clouds part, revealing the Vampire King sitting in a cloud of water and vocalizing]
Vampire King: [rips off his shirt] I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounds chest] I have the power- [spins a pillar of water around, standing on it, as lightning flashes behind him] -to change destiny! Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate. Spill my guts, or face the unknown. Either way, I will not bite. For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune. And I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void, on a sick, flaming chariot! [strikes the water and it splashes all the way to the ground, where Jake, Finn, and PB gasp] Stake me. I will not hide. [rips off his pants as lightning strikes again] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [goes back to the puddle of water in the cloud and splashes around and yells like a maniac.]
Marceline: Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Vampire King: [stops splashing and yelling] My what?
Marceline: Your dang vamp juice, come on!
Vampire King: Cool. [slides off cloud and back onto the ground.]
[Marceline sighs with exasperation]
[Back on the ground, Jake has shifted into a catapult and is ready to fire Finn into the air]
Finn: Let 'er rip!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait!
[It's too late, Jake sends Finn flying into the air, screaming.]
Jake: Whoops. [shapeshifts back to normal]
Marceline: [as she and the Vampire King land] Truce, you guys.
Vampire King: No funny business.
Princess Bubblegum: No funny business us, or you?
Marceline: Him.
Jake: [to Vampire King] What happened to your pants?
Jake: Hold that thought! [As Finn is about to land from when he was launched, Jake stretches into a big pillow and catches him.]
Finn: [bounces off Jake and runs over to kick the Vampire King in the groin] Finish him! Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam-
Marceline: Finn, you can stop.
Finn: Oh, okay, now we're stopping. [to Vampire King] Sorry, dude.
Vampire King: [in high-pitched voice] It's chill. [to Marceline] See? No funny business.
[the scene cuts to the group walking up the hill to Gumbald's cabin.]
Finn: [whispering] Hey, Jake.
Jake: [turning around] What?
Finn: [begins using a code made up of a series of blinks, tongue clicks, etc. to talk to Jake as subtitles appear on the bottom of the screen] "PB says she's gonna set her vampire sucking machine to full blast if he tries anything funny."
Jake: [using same code] "What does full blast even mean?"
Finn: [continuing to use code] "I guess it means he'll explode to dust."
Jake: [uses one drawn-out fart to say] "Well, what do you want to eat later?"
Princess Bubblegum: [in the same code] "Hey guys!"
Finn and Jake: [simultaneously pass gas to say] "What?"
Princess Bubblegum: [in code] "Mouth fart code is for emergencies only."
Finn: [in code and giving a thumbs-up] "Sorry!"
[scene switches to inside the cabin, where Peppermint Butler is giving a pep-talk to himself and and clutches his journal from earlier to his chest.]
Peppermint Butler: Be cool. Be like, 'How's it going, VK? I'm Peppermint B and I know all about you!' No, that sounds lame. 'Yo, V.K., sign my book, jerk!' No...
Princess Bubblegum: [opens door] We're home!
[Peppbut gasps as everyone walks in]
Princess Bubblegum: Is the lab ready?
Peppermint Butler: [nervously] Of course. Is he here? [gasps]
Vampire King: [enters, holding his cow] Hey.
Peppermint Butler: [screaming internally] AAHHH! SAY SOMETHING; ASK HIM TO SIGN THE BOOK!
Vampire King: [staring at the silent candy person and shrugging] Meh. [walks towards the lab]
Peppermint Butler: [still silently screaming to himself] DO IT, HE'S GETTING AWAY! [runs after him]
[scene changes to basement, where the Vampire King is getting strapped into PB's extraction machine]
Peppermint Butler: Wait! Just a sec! Can you sign-
Princess Bubblegum: [closes the VK in] Sorry. Too late.
[Pepbut gives a disappointed sigh.]
Vampire King: [telepathically to Peppermint Butler] Hey. Peppermint Butler. I can hear your brains. Look inside your book.
[Peppermint Butler opens his book.]
Princess Bubblegum: [lowering goggles to protect eyes] Okay, shields down, everybody!
Peppermint Butler: [still looking inside book] A psychic autograph! Thank you, your darkness.
Princess Bubblegum: [pulling lever] Here we go.
[blinding light fills the cabin from the machine. Peppermint Butler, who is without safety goggles, clutches his face and yells in pain. PB, with no expression, watches the vampiric essence flow out of the Vampire King's and the cow's body through some tubes. When it is finished, PB pulls the lever up and the machine stops.]
Princess Bubblegum: His vampire essence is now completely drained. [takes off goggles] Well, let's see what we've got left.
[PB opens the hatch to reveal a very normal cow and a normal lion that used to be the Vampire King.]
Marceline: [happily] Kitty!
Jake: [waving his arms around] Best makeover ever!
[scene changes and we see the cow eating grass outside. Inside, Marceline eats a waffle sandwich stuffed with many different foods. Finn is napping on the couch covered by a blanket, while Jake is sleeping on the floor, melted into a pile. Peppermint Butler sets out a saucer of milk for the Vampire King/lion, and we see that his eyes have been very damaged.]
Princess Bubblegum: [to Pepbut] Hey Pep.
Peppermint Butler: [turning around to face her] M'lady?
Princess Bubblegum: Are you sure your peepers are all right?
Peppermint Butler: My inner vision is extraordinarily developed.
Princess Bubblegum: Okay, great. 'Cause I need you to go to the secret catacombs and bury this nasty bucket of sludge in the deep-deep down. [holds up the bucket that contains all the vampire essence] Just be uber-duber careful not to drop it. Pure vampire essence this powerful could kaboom reality off its whack.
Peppermint Butler: Don't drop the bucket.
Princess Bubblegum: Exactly. [hands over the bucket]
Peppermint Butler: [takes bucket and begins to walk away] Will do.
[Pepbut unknowingly steps on the lion's tail, which angers it and causes it to swipe at Pepbut, knocking the bucket out of his hands. PB catches it, but the lion rams into her. This causes the bucket to go flying. Pepbut yells in slow motion, grabs a baguette off of Marcy's table, and uses it to whack the bucket in the other direction before it hit the ground. It goes flying yet again. Pepbut chases it as PB, under the lion, yells. The bucket hits the ground next to the sleeping Jake, where it rolls to him, unscathed. Pepbut sighs with relief.]
Jake: [half-asleep, reaching for the bucket] Mm... buckie...
Peppermint Butler: [runs at Jake] Nooooooo!
[It's too late. The bucket violently explodes, smoke rising into the air in a mushroom cloud. The cloud begins to morph into something. PB lifts a emerges from the rubble and sees the dark cloud form the shape of a giagantic black lion. It roars.]

Episode Ends