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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dark Purple" from season 6, which aired on February 19, 2015.

This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Jake is skateboarding and doing tricks in front of BMO and Marceline.]
BMO: [hitting the ground with its skateboard] Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Sick! Sick! So sick! Dying!
Finn: Check it out. I got snacks for while we wait. For Marcy, red lick-rish.
Marceline: Thanks.
Finn: And for BMO... [tosses BMO pine tree car freshener]
BMO: [gasps] [puts it on] Fresh boys!
Marceline: So, Finn... [slurps red from lick-rish] What are we waiting here for?
Finn: What? Dude, it's Super Porp Day.
Jake: Yeah. Don't you know about Super Porp Day?
Marceline: Wait. "Super Porp"... like in the old commercials? Uh, let's see, like, ♪Super Porp, it hits the spot, messes up your train of thought. If you're thirsty and out of shape...♪
Everyone: ♪Get down on that fizzy grape!♪
Finn: Yeah, yeah. That's the one.
Jake: Today's the day when Squeez-E-Mart always gets their monthly shipment.
Marceline: What? That's really weird, guys. Why would s—
BMO: Stop talking! Here it comes!
[A drone flies in carrying a box. It deposits the package into the top of a nearby vending machine. The lady on the front of the machine winks and a recording plays.]
Cheryl (recording): Enjoy Super Porp!
BMO: I love you, Cheryl.
[Finn hands Marceline a can.]
Marceline: Man, this biz takes me back. I used to drink this stuff all the time when I was a kid.
Finn: What? That's not right. How could the exact same soda still be in production hundreds of years after the great Mushroom Wars?
Jake: [mutters gibberish] Okay, listen. So, okay, we could go track down the mysterious source of Super Porp. Do up a fuh-real, end up fightin' some big soda-computer-god-baby or whatever... We totally could. But... Super Porp is good. So why question this good thing, man? Why?
Finn: Hmm. Yeah, okay. Let's just go home.
BMO: Yay! Super Porp! Yay! BMO!
[The drone scans them but determines they are all "unsuitable" before flying away. Deep underground in Beautopia, the Hyooman tribe is waiting for their delivery of Super Porp. They cheer at the drones' approach.]
Hyoomans: [chanting] Super Porp! Super Porp! Super Porp!
Cheryl: Enjoy Super Porp!
Hyoomans: We will, Cheryl!
[Susan Strong drops in from above, landing on a pile of empty Super Porp cans.]
Susan Strong: No, Cheryl. Susan will not enjoy!
Rabbit Hyooman: Chill out, Susan Strong.
Giraffe Hyooman: Yeah. Super Porp taste good! Super Porp is good!
Susan Strong: No. It fake juice. Tough-guy hyoomans do not drink fake juice.
[Sally opens a can of Super Porp, preparing to drink it, but she hands it to Susan.]
Susan: Hmph. [throws can at drones] Go away, robots!
[A drone scans Celina, Susan, and Sally, deeming each unsuitable. It then scans a baby nearby, which it determines is a "100% match." It swoops down and snatches the baby out of its mother's arms.]
Mother: [gasps] Baby? Baby!
Susan Strong: Eh?! Baby! [runs after drones] Baby!
[Susan, Celina, and Sally grab hold of a drone and fly after the baby.]
Susan: Baby.
[The drones fly away from Beautopia and into the Super Porp Factory through a hole with a fan.]
Susan: [gasps] Oh, dang! [breaks apart her drone and jumps on Celina's, then throws the broken drone's wings at the fan, stopping its spinning]
[They fly into the fan, breaking it. The drone carrying the baby is not far ahead, but it flies up a shaft unexpectedly.]
Susan: [gasps]
[Susan punches her drone, and the three set foot in the tunnel.]
Susan: Baby.
[They backtrack a bit and end up at the entrance, which has a fountain, stairs, and statues of Cheryl.]
Celina: Porp fountain.
Susan: [growls]
[Sally pats Susan's arm.]
Susan: Hmm?
[Sally mimes drinking Super Porp and growls.]
Susan: Hmm? [gives thumbs-up and walks up to fountain] [grunts] Cheryl. [confronts cardboard cutout] Where's baby? Cheryl better talk. [touches cutout]
Cheryl: Hello, and welcome to the original Super Porp factory! [starts malfunctioning] Are you ready to get porrrped? I-I-I think we all need to get poooorped.
Susan: [smashes cutout] Baby!
Celina: Susan killed Cheryl!
Susan: [sniffs cardboard] No! [stomping on cutout] This is fake style bubblehead. Cheryl trying to trick us!
[The baby's cries are heard through a vent.]
Susan: [gasps] Baby! That hole too small for Susan.
[Sally mimes throwing and points to herself.]
Susan: If Sally say so... [lifts Sally and throws her at the vent] Hup! Hyah!
[Sally crashes through the vent and gives a thumbs-up to Susan and Celina.]
Susan: You two, follow baby cries.
[Sally helps Celina up into the vent.]
Susan: Susan will find other way. Hmm? [taps foot on rug] Hmm... [punches through the floor and drops down, finding workers preparing Super Porp]
Workers: ♪Super Porp, it hits the spot. It messes up your train of thought. If you're thirsty and out of shape, get down on that fizzy grape! Super Porp!♪
Susan: Uh.
[One of the workers reaches into the vat they are stirring. Another worker stops her and slaps her face.]
Female Worker: Hey! No one is allowed to taste pure Porp syrup! You know this, Carla.
Carla: But it looks sooo good!
Female Worker: Well, of course it does! I mean, I'd smash everyone's face in this room for a single drop of pure Porp, but that's not the Super Porp way.
Carla: [whines]
Female Worker: Aw, cheer up, girl. Maybe we'll get bonus reg Porp after that new baby gets processed.
[Susan breaks a pipe and swings down to the floor on it.]
Susan: Baby!
Workers: [gasp]
Male Worker: Hey, where's your hairnet?!
[Susan kicks him and throws him to the ground.]
Male Worker: Ow! W-w-where's your hairnet? Where's your hairnet?
[Susan ties his limbs in a knot.]
Male Worker: Where's your—?
[Susan lifts him above her head.]
Male Worker: Okay, verbal warning this time.
Female Worker: Protect the pure Porp!
[Susan throws the male worker at the female worker.]
Worker: Uh-oh. Uh-oh. [kicks and punches at Susan] Uh-oh!
[Susan elbows the worker in the chest.]
Worker: Oof! Uh-oh. [kicks and misses]
[Susan grabs the worker's leg.]
Worker: Uh-oh!
[Susan throws the worker at the wall, where the worker sticks.]
Worker: Uh-oh!
Susan: Now you tell Susan where you take baby or I'm—
[A worker sneaks up from behind and grabs Susan.]
Female Worker: Hey, are you new here? Are you new here? Are you new here?
[They both fall into a vat of Porp. Susan punches the worker and swims back to the surface. They remaining workers run away. Susan leaves the room, finding more workers at an assembly line. A buzzer sounds, and on a television, Cheryl appears with the baby.]
Cheryl: Attention! All employees report to the break room for the daily Porp break... sponsored by Super Porp.
Susan: Baby.
[The workers form a line.]
Workers: Break time. Break time.
[Susan grabs three and knocks each unconscious. She enters the line with the three workers on her head and shoulders.]
Susan: Susan is camouflaged.
Male Worker: [getting Super Porp from cooler] ♪If you're thirsty and out of shape, get down on that fizzy grape.♪
Susan: [thinking] Why is Susan in this line? Susan didn't think this through.
Male Worker: Wait. [sniffs'] That poorly disguised intruder is covered in pure Porp!
Workers: Pure Porp! Pure Porp! Pure Porp!
[The workers tackle her and begin licking.]
Male Worker: Lick the syrup from her eye holes!
[Susan fights them off, but they join together to form a giant mutant.]
Giant Mutant: ♪Get down on that fizzy grape!♪
Susan: Susan needs no fizz! Susan have hero heart!
[Buzzer sounds]
Cheryl: Break time, sponsored by Super Porp, is over. Get back to work. The Porp must flow!
Workers: The Porp must flow! The Porp must flow!
[Susan leaves the room and enters a room willed with Porp.]
Susan: Ugh. It's sticky.
[A humongous guard dog rises out of the Porp, growling.]
Susan: You a good doggy? You know where baby is? Doggy help Susan?
[The dog swipes at Susan. Susan runs up its arm and punches its face.]
Susan: No!
[The dog falls.]
Susan: Tsk, tsk, tsk.
[A baby's cries are heard through a door marked Control Room.]
Susan: Baby! Hold on, baby!
[As Susan runs up to the door, the dog crushes her underneath its front paws and holds her under the Porp.]
Dog: [cackles] Huh?
[Sally jumps down from above, hitting the dog in the face and knocking it on its back. Susan rips her hat off as she gasps for air, suffocated by the Porp. Celina jumps down from the ceiling onto the dog, causing it to spew Porp. Susan pries open the Control Room doors. They enter and find the baby crying in the arms of someone sitting in an armchair.]
Cheryl: Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh. [turns chair around] Hey. How's it going?
Celina: Cheryl?
Susan: Susan hates Cheryl!
Cheryl: So... you're the dinguses who trashed my facility.
Susan: Yes. Susan is the dingus. Now gimme the baby!
Cheryl: Oh, I see. You don't understand what's going on. This is a super spesh baby, a destiny baby, selected by my loyal delivery drones to take my place as high mascot Cheryl. [opens can of Super Porp and prepares to feed it to the baby] For you see—
[Susan uppercuts Cheryl and catches the baby.]
Susan: Don't drink that.
Cheryl: [groans] [mask falls off] Good job, bozo. Without a new Cheryl, brand awareness will go straight down the toilet. Our in-your-face flavor will be lost forever. Who are you to condemn our weird ancient ways? [melts into a puddle]
[The workers cheer as the three exit the control room, Susan wearing Cheryl's mask.]
Susan: Stop!
Worker: Cheryl?
Susan: Yes, I am Cheryl. [kicks apart a pipe]
Workers: Huh?
Susan: And Cheryl says this is what we do now. Back to work! Everybody, destroy the factory!
[The workers break everything in the factory.]
Workers: Destroy the factory. Back to work. Destroy the factory. Back to work.
[Explosion. Back at the Squeez-E-Mart, Jake awaits a delivery.]
Jake: Alright, well, it's one month later. Aw, yeah! Here it comes!
[A damaged drone deposits its package into the vending machine.]
Cheryl: Enjoy Super Porp!
[Jake gets a can and begins drinking. He spits it out and dumps the can.]
Jake: Ugh! I jinxed it! [throws can on the ground]

Episode ends

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