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Dentist/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Dentist" from season 6, which aired on November 28, 2014.

Music
None
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[In Finn's mouth, Jake walks up to a rotten, blackened tooth.]
Jake: [sniffs] Blegh. Your tooth looks bad, dude. It smells like a garden shed in here.
Finn: [groans in pain]
Jake: Finn, I think you have to go dentist.
Finn: I can't go dentist, Jake. You gotta take care of it.
Jake: [sighs] Just go dentist, dude. [approaches rotten tooth] Okay. Easy does it. [presses against tooth]
Finn: [screams]
Jake: [screams]
Finn: [panting]
Jake: [exiting mouth] This is so bad. What did Princess Bubblegum say when you showed her?
[Flashback begins. PB looks inside Finn's mouth.]
Finn: Ahhhhhhhhhh.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmm. Finn, this is literally serious. You have to go dentist.
Finn: NOOOOOO!
[Flashback ends.]
Jake: Dude. You. Got. To. Go. Dentist.
Finn: [running out] Nooooo! I'm too strong for the world! [falls off bridge, crashes through the roof of the treasure room] I don't want to go dentist, Jake. The put you in a hole filled with snakes and rotten butter and they leave you there.
Jake: Come on, man. It's not that bad.
Finn: [sighs] Okay.
[Scene cuts to Finn dangling by a rope over a well.]
Finn: [screams]
Jake: Right?
[Starchie dumps snakes into the well while another Candy Person scoops in rotten butter. Princess Bubblegum gestures for Jake to let go of the rope.]
Jake: Whup!
Finn: [screams as he falls to the bottom of the well] This isn't so bad... [his sword lands next to him] My sword! Wonder wh— [screams]
[The floor gives out and Finn plummets further down the well and through a tunnel until he lands on a pile of sand in the Ant Nation.]
Finn: Soft sand. [turns and sees an ant] Ant.
Ant: Welcome to dentist, cadet. [salutes] I'm Lieutenant Gamergate. [sniffs] Snakes and rotten butter. A common mistake—you were expected to arrive with snacks and a flashlight. Either way, you're here.
Finn: So... dentist is ants?
Gamergate: Dentist is dentist, cadet! Drop and give me twenty!
Finn: I don't have any money.
Gamergate: Funny man goes dentist, huh? The queen's office is in the royal hill.
[Finn crawls into the hill and up to the door.]
Finn: Holes. [opens door and turns the chair around to face him; it's empty] Hmm.
Queen: Listen, I wasn't here when you came in. I'm a very busy woman. [sits down, swivels chair to face the wall, then swivels it back to face Finn] Hello. My name is General Tarsal. I am the current queen of this regiment, and please have a seat.
[Finn sits down as best he can in the cramped room.]
General Tarsal: As a first-time recruit, I'm confident that you have no idea what you're doing here.
Finn: My tooth hurts.
General Tarsal: Let's take a look at your file. [opens drawer, takes out folder] Ahh, you're a fighter! [to herself] We could use a fighter.
Finn: My tooth hurts.
General Tarsal: What? Of course it does. Let me explain. You have gone dentist. That means that you will server a brief tour of duty, and in exchange we will provide full dental rehabilitation. You will be on the front, fighting monsters. Monstrous monster worms!
Finn: Worms.
General Tarsal: The worms are employed by the flies.
Finn: Worms.
General Tarsal: Work for the flies. You fight them; we'll fix your teeth.
Finn: Me.
General Tarsal: Yes, you! [opens map] Your mission is to secure this junction at all costs. Upon completion of service, you will be sworn to absolute secrecy. The flies have spies everywhere. Fly spies!
Finn: Heh heh. [imagines a fly dressed like a spy]
General Tarsal: These worms are no joke, so you'll be assigned a partner. Ah, let's see... Cadet... Tiffany Oiler.
Finn: Tiffany?!
Tiffany: [in Finn's mind] Tiffany! Finn, I'm gonna kill you!
Finn: That guy wants to kill me!
General Tarsal: Tough nuts, that's dentist.
Loudspeaker: Cadets, dinner is being served in the mess hall, central hill subtunnel eight.
[Finn worms his way through a tunnel to the mess hall. An ant serves him a pile of granulated sugar.]
Finn: Hm. Do you have anything less sugary?
[The ant spews sugar and falls backwards.]
Tiffany: Yo, Finn! I'm gonna kill you!
Finn: [sighs] [to himself] Doin' it for my tooth. [sits beside Tiffany]
Tiffany: [growls and beats his chest] Ruff! Thought so. [shovels sugar into his mouth]
Finn: [sighs] Hey, uh, partner. Um. So how are you doing, Tiffany?
Tiffany: Yeah, I lost my teeth eating the Baker's Shard. It's a lot of sugar, right?
Finn: Oh. Did you already know what dentist is?
Tiffany: See, this is a good example of why I want to kill you. You're ignorant. [pokes Finn between the eyes] Heed my words, Finn. As the miller's wheel forever outrages the seed, so the good apple boringly receives his neighbor's worm.
Finn: [quietly] The hey?
Tiffany: And all the corn gets smushed to grease—to grease under the miller's fleaping wheel.
[Finn stares.]
Tiffany: You're getting greased!
Finn: Tiffany, look. We gotta work together, right? Why don't we let bygones be bygones?
Tiffany: Bygones? Ha! [points to peach] That's you. Bye! [smashes peach with tray] Gone!
Finn: [sighs] Do you want my peach?
Tiffany: Bye-gone! [smashes Finn's peach]
Gamergate: Hey! Stand down, cadets! Retire to your bunks!
Tiffany: Tonight, light's out. Tomorrow, your eyes out!
[The next day, Finn and Tiffany exit their hill. Finn throws his sword out and follows after it. Tiffany reaches for it at the same time as Finn, and the two bonk heads.]
Finn: What the stork, man? This is my special sword. Why didn't you take one of those ant swords they offered you back there?
Tiffany: I don't need some fancy thinger to kick butt when I've got these! [raises fists] You know about these?
Finn: No.
Tiffany: You will. Anyway, I just kinda wanted your sword 'cause it's pretty cool, I guess. Whatever. I'll get it soon enough... from off your dead corpse, you chump! [laughs]
Finn: [sighs]
[The two continue walking.]
Finn: Hey, Tiffany... you know, we're really not so different, you and I.
Tiffany: Bullstuff.
Finn: Well, we're both friends with Jake, and that's something, right?
Tiffany: I was friends with Jake. Then some baritone herb stole him away from me.
Finn: I didn't steal him. We're broth—
Tiffany: And when that snow-white wiener dog is finally dead, Jake will be devastated.
[Tiffany imagines Jake crying on his shoulder at Finn's tombstone.]
Tiffany: He'll need a shoulder to cry whiny, Finn-style tears on, and that shoulder will be mine—Tiffany's! Then I can get busy with undoing your cheesy influence, plus more! With my help, Jake will become the criminal juggernaut he was always meant to be.
[In Tiffany's imagination, a giant Jake roars and beats his chest over a city, while helicopters with searchlights hover nearby.]
Tiffany: We won't just be robbing banks anymore.
[Jake grabs hold of two buildings and rips them off their foundations.]
Tiffany: We'll be robbing the actual banks. The whole banks!
[Jake swallows the buildings.]
Tiffany: You get it? We're gonna steal actual whole buildings.
Finn: Yeah, I get it.
Tiffany: So don't tell me we're not so different, okay?! We're opposites, you and me. Oil and goody-goody snow-white baby-vanilla bean mitten water! Go, Tiffany! [runs off]
Finn: [unsheathes sword] Man, that nut's gonna try and stick me while I'm not even looking. [sees his reflection in the sword's gem] Don't even stress it, Finn. You're Finn Mertens, man. You got this. [sighs] Man, I hope so.
Tiffany: Finn! Get in here, quick!
[Finn catches up with Tiffany.]
Finn: The junction.
Tiffany: There's something moving in the walls. It was like [imitates sound].
[Suddenly, the walls rumble, and three giant worms break through, roaring.]
Finn: Wall worms! Holy cow!
[Tiffany prepares to stab Finn in the back with a dagger. Finn turns around.]
Finn: Dang it, Tiffany, not yet! We got to work together to beat the worms! Here they come!
[Finn slices off one worm's head, while Tiffany punches and kicks another. The third worm comes up behind Tiffany and prepares to lunge.]
Finn: Tiffany!
[Tiffany turns and shields himself with his arms. Finn throws his sword into the worm's head. It falls on the road with a thud. Finn retrieves his sword and smiles at Tiffany. More growling is heard.]
Finn & Tiffany: Oh, snap! Look out! They're coming in from the side!
[Finn and Tiffany each jump on a different worm. Finn runs up its back to reach its head while dodging worms breaking through the walls and lunging at him. Finn glances over at Tiffany doing the same. The two reach their worm's head at the same time, and Finn stabs Tiffany's worm in the head. Simultaneously, Tiffany punches Finn's worm. The two worms fall. Finn and Tiffany land back on the road.]
Tiffany: You good?
Finn: My tooth hurts.
[Another worm lunges at Finn from behind. Tiffany grabs Finn, and they duck as it passes overhead. It turns around and prepares another attack. Finn and Tiffany exchange looks and nod. Finn leaps off the road as Tiffany grabs his feet, letting Finn slice the worm down the middle. The two continue battling worms as a team. Afterwards, the two rest while panting heavily, thinking it's over. However, one last worm, the biggest of them all, emerges from the floor.]
Finn: Dang! It's the head worm, and she's livid! I say we get the heck out of heeeeere—!
[The road crumbles beneath him, and as he falls, he smacks his head on the ledge.]
Tiffany: Finn!
Finn: [hanging on to the ledge] Tiffany, quick! Pull me up! Quick, Tiffany! I'm slipping!
[Tiffany slowly takes out his dagger.]
Finn: Dang it, Tiffany! Weren't you paying attention? We're two peas in a pod! We're not oil and water. We're oil and vinegar! It's good, man. It's yummy!
Tiffany: Mm...
Finn: It's good for you!
Tiffany: [sighs] You're right, Finn. I can't bring myself to do it...
[Finn smiles.]
Tiffany: ...but I can't bring myself to save you, either.
[Finn is still smiling.]
Tiffany: Why are you still smiling?
Finn: Sorry. I didn't hear what you said. I was just gonna let it slide.
Tiffany: Look, you're—you're on your own. I'm sorry.
[Finn's smile vanishes.]
Tiffany: Catch you on the flip, I guess.
Finn: Tiffany? [His hand slips] Tiffa— [falling] nooooooooo!
[Finn falls into the worm's open mouth and lands on its palate. The worm coughs and gags Finn back out with such force that he smashes his head against a stalactite, shattering all his teeth. Finn falls on Tiffany, pushing him into the worm's mouth.]
Tiffany: [screams]
[The worm snaps its mouth shut. When Finn opens his eyes, he is back in the Ant Nation.]
General Tarsal: Whoa! Easy, son. Don't try to speak. Your mouth is full of ants.
Finn: Huh?
[The ants start leaving Finn's mouth.]
Ant: It's okay. We just finished up.
Finn: Ah. [smacks lips] What happened down there? Where's Tiffany?
General Tarsal: Well, the good news is the worm queen was defeated, choked to death on some foreign object, presumably Cadet Tiffany, who is missing in action, which is the bad news.
Finn: Tiffany...
General Tarsal: But we didn't have to fix his teeth, which is nice news. But we did have to fix your teeth, which is okay news.
Finn: [biting] Huh huh. Ayyyy!
General Tarsal: So, on behalf of the ant nation, I'd like to thank you for your service, which is now concluded. As soon as you're ready, we'll get you stuffed back up there well with all the snakes and butter.
[Finn reaches the top of the well.]
Finn: Holy cow.
[Everyone cheers at his arrival. A banner reads, "Welcome home Finn," and Princess Bubblegum showers him with confetti.]
Princess Bubblegum: Welcome home, Finn.
Jake: Yeah. Welcome home, buddy.
Finn: Thanks, you guys! Man, you'll never believe it. Dentist is actually—
Princess Bubblegum: Eh-eh-eh! [zips her lips]
Finn: It was crazy! Tiffany was there—
Starchie: Hey, deh-deh-deh! [puts his finger to his lips]
Finn: Wait. You all knew? What the heck? Why didn't you tell—
Jake: Ah-ah-ah! [points to fly spy]
[The fly spy looks through its magnifying glass. Finn looks surprised.]

Episode ends

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