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Five Short Tables/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Five Short Tables" from season 7, which aired on May 26, 2016.

This transcript is Unedited. Needs improvement


Transcript

 

Get back here, you worm!

12 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:39,738      What?! The last chapter       of "Cosmic Kissing"?

13 00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,974 My stirring lyrical interlude

14 00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:43,709         from "Fionna Goes          to the Market"?

15 00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,578         The epilogue from  "Flame Prince Breaks a Sweat"?!

16 00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:47,713             [ Gasps ]

17 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:51,717      Who gave you permission     to edit my fan fiction?!

18 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,719      Prepare to be punished!

19 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,020           But first...

20 00:00:55,022 --> 00:00:56,488         what'd ya think?

21 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:57,322                     Wenk!

22 00:00:57,324 --> 00:00:58,690          Great critique!

23 00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:00,492             [ Zap! ]

24 00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:02,194                     Wenk.

25 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:03,595      I don't need an editor.

26 00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:06,698       I'm my <i>own</i> editor --          editor-in-king!

27 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,000  Wenk. Wenk!

28 00:01:08,768 --> 00:01:10,869          Wenk, wenk, wenk, wenk,          wenk, wenk, wenk, wenk!

29 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,172       Ooh! My custom tape!

30 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,276             Remix!

31 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,777         [ Clears throat ]

32 00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:21,213         "Sunlight gleamed        through the window

33 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:24,950      as Fionna sat patiently     at the breakfast table."

34 00:01:24,952 --> 00:01:26,518      [ Humming ]

35 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:27,753                     Hah!

36 00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:31,190       Check out my sweet flippin' moves.

37 00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,425               You're a real ace                in the kitchen.

38 00:01:35,061 --> 00:01:37,129     Roar! Ha ha!

39 00:01:37,131 --> 00:01:38,297    Cooking is fun!

40 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,099                   Here come                the flapjacks!

41 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:42,034  Know what's better     than cooking?

42 00:01:42,036 --> 00:01:43,735                      No!          Wha?!

43 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:46,271                   These are             <i>narrative</i> flapjacks.

44 00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:49,408           Darlin', don't you see           the brilliant comedy           laid out before you?

45 00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:51,877          You wouldn't eat Act II             before Act I, silly.

46 00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:55,481           Now try starting           with the dockworker           having a moral crisis.

47 00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:56,949         Okay.

48 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,218      This...one?

49 00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,588   Fionna, this character doesn't       serve any thematic purpose

50 00:02:02,590 --> 00:02:04,423               until much later                 in the meal.

51 00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:06,291     Sorry, Cake, but these just look like

52 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:09,228    formless blobs of sweet flapjack to me.

53 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:10,629        Mmm...

54 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,763                  It's true.

55 00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,266            Maybe if I based them               off real people,

56 00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,934        do some "life cooking" --

57 00:02:15,936 --> 00:02:17,936            nonfiction flapjacks!

58 00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:21,440              Let's go griddle up portraits of the entire kingdom!

59 00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,009           Got to get my supplies                   together.

60 00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,578           My portable griddle...

61 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:27,346         Mmm.

62 00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,314          Some peppermint eggs...

63 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,650             and the twice-cursed                    flour!

64 00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:32,651                    Got it!

65 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,353               Ready for stories                and flapjacks?

66 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,321       Heck yes!

67 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:39,024         You're wasting me           on breakfast!

68 00:02:39,026 --> 00:02:42,461         Fionna and Cake:  No one asked you, Flour Demon.

69 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:45,164    That was like a cookbook...

70 00:02:45,166 --> 00:02:47,966       written by a genius.

71 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,801     On to the next chapter --

72 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,170       "A Game of Gumball."

73 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:54,806       Prince Gumball would probs     make a great flapjack model.

74 00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,441               Sometimes he gets          so absorbed in his work

75 00:02:56,443 --> 00:02:58,777             that he doesn't move                   for days.

76 00:02:58,779 --> 00:02:59,811        Ooooh!

77 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:02,614    I can break out the pink sea salt and --

78 00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,316                     Hey,               there's Gumball!

79 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,551        [ Papers rustling ]                       Uh...

80 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:07,019       Gumball: Is it here?

81 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,454              No. No.

82 00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:12,324       Ah! Just what I need!

83 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:15,194        The periodic table        of candy elements!

84 00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:19,198         If I use this one       and this one here...

85 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,668              Ha ha!       The perfect strategy!

86 00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:24,403               Hyup!

87 00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:29,741        [ Inhales sharply ]

88 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:33,011     Butterscotch Butler, the   butterscotch Scottish butler,

89 00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,280         I challenge you!

90 00:03:35,815 --> 00:03:38,150                   [ Sighs ]       [ Scottish accent ] Again?

91 00:03:38,152 --> 00:03:41,486 I've gathered all the necessary strategy and tactics

92 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,589 to finally defeat you!

93 00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:53,865               To play, one must              know strategy, yes.

94 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:59,705    But to know victory, one must        also know their opponent!

95 00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:00,839       Opponent?

96 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:02,407                Their dreams...

97 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:04,977           ...their ambitions....

98 00:04:05,878 --> 00:04:08,080           ...their rrrregrets...

99 00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,514            [ Hisses ]

100 00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,850              ...and their fears!

101 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:16,321    M-My mortality!

102 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,056             [ Pop! ]

103 00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,058              Byeeee!

104 00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:21,193                   King me.

105 00:04:21,195 --> 00:04:22,728      [ Growls ]

106 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,129           [ Both gasp ]        [ Glass shatters ]

107 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:27,499     Maybe we should find someone           a little more relaxed.

108 00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,636         How?!  How did you know?!

109 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,737                     Huh?

110 00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:35,240              Oh. You leave that         lying around everywhere.

111 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,842      [ Scoffs ]

112 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,450         Yes!

113 00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:51,023           [ Sizzling ]

114 00:04:52,091 --> 00:04:53,959 Still not quite right.

115 00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:56,895                How about this            for some inspiration?

116 00:04:56,897 --> 00:04:57,929      [ Hisses ]

117 00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,465 Pancakes and flapjacks  are nothing alike!

118 00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:01,500      [ Groans ]

119 00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,168                   Aw, Cake.

120 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:07,072    It's just that  flapjack literature is such a niche genre,

121 00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,841 and none of my flapjacks are turning out any good.

122 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,176                Come on, Cake.

123 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:14,179       We've still got 10 minutes       before the library closes.

124 00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,682              It's Flame Prince!

125 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,418 What's that fire hazard doing in the library?

126 00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:20,419               Hmm?

127 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,720              Oh, no!

128 00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,623          Oh!  I love that author!

129 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,991     Have you read   her newest book?

130 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,360    I-I could, uh,   find it for you.

131 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,629                Oh. Uh, n-nah,                 that's okay.

132 00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:32,297                I'll just start                with this one.

133 00:05:32,299 --> 00:05:33,498                Thanks, though.

134 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,100                  Uh -- Aah!

135 00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:36,468            Oh. Sorry about that.

136 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,103      Uh -- Uh --    W-w-w-- W-w-w--                        Eh...

137 00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,539  No, no, no, no, no!    Hot, hot, hot!

138 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,110               Wow.     I am not graceful today.

139 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,478 N-Not the first editions!

140 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,479        Ow, ow!

141 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:49,081      Ow, ow, ow!

142 00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,153        Easy...

143 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,154         Unh!

144 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,823            [ Foosh! ]

145 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,224      Gah! Huh?!

146 00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:02,661     Leaving, yes?

147 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,663               Yeah. I'll borrow               this one, please.

148 00:06:04,665 --> 00:06:08,133 Of course! I'll just need you to sign it out.

149 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,901           [ Sizzling ]

150 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,503          [ Both scream ]

151 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,571       [ Sighs ]

152 00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,839      I'm sorry.

153 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:16,375 I have a duty to serve the library's patrons,

154 00:06:16,377 --> 00:06:19,511  but I'm also sworn to protect the books.

155 00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:22,314 I can't in good conscience let you take it home.

156 00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:26,818   But maybe I could  <i>read</i> this book to you?

157 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:30,355      Listen, I just came in here        to use the bathroom, man.

158 00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:33,859      I thought you had to, like,   check out a book first to pee.

159 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:36,528           Actually, I don't even             have a library card.

160 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,029     [ Laughing ]

161 00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,898         [ Both laughing ]

162 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,100            [ Whoosh! ]

163 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,103            [ Panting ]

164 00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,038              Lumpy Space Prince!

165 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,441           [ Coughing ]

166 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:51,376             [ Gasps ]

167 00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:52,577            [ Groans ]

168 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:56,214        Lumpy Spaaaace Priiiince!

169 00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,616   [ Coughs softly ]

170 00:06:57,618 --> 00:07:00,285    Come on. You've been coughing                for five days.

171 00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,586                   Just take                one tablespoon.

172 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:03,955         Uh... B-Bumpy Space Prince?

173 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:05,891 Uh, there's no one here     by that name.

174 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,592                   Then who               am I talking to?

175 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:10,061   Uh, this is Ja--         Jack.

176 00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,730     [ Coughs ]                        Huh.

177 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:15,233            Well, if you're Jack,                then I'mmmm...

178 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,735               MMMMichael Dean.

179 00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,070            Yeah. And I'm looking       for this beautiful prince.

180 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,606               I got to give him             this...magic potion!

181 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:24,476              See, he was cursed         by this evil snot gnoll.

182 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:25,744        Really?

183 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,546                The snot gnoll                transformed him

184 00:07:27,548 --> 00:07:30,549        into a totally disgusting                mucus monster.

185 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,750        What?!     No, I'm not!

186 00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,251                   [ Gasps ]              Did you hear that?

187 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,486         Huh?     What is it?!

188 00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,054                It's -- It's --

189 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:37,589                   [ Roars ]

190 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:39,090             It's the snot gnoll!

191 00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,793                 [ Growling ]

192 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,928         Aah!

193 00:07:42,930 --> 00:07:45,263              Uh-oh! It's coming         towards your tree, Jack!

194 00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:46,932      [ Grunts ]      I'm stuck!

195 00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,600               <i>I'll</i> protect you,               beautiful prince!

196 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:49,801        [ Heavy footsteps ]

197 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:51,236            Step off, snot gnoll!

198 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,437            [ Crash! ]

199 00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:53,672 Get him, Michael Dean!

200 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,440           [ Crash! ]                Gah! It got me!

201 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,441                     Ugh!

202 00:07:56,443 --> 00:07:57,476         No!!

203 00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:58,743            [ Thump! ]                    [ Grunts ]

204 00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,512           I got one last hit in!

205 00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:01,947       [ Heavy footsteps ]             I-It's running away!

206 00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:04,282    [ Footsteps soften, fade ]

207 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,617               [ Sighs, coughs ]

208 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:07,352                    I think          this is the end for me.

209 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,254 Rally, Michael Dean!

210 00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:10,622      [ Grunts ]

211 00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:11,923             [ Pop! ]

212 00:08:13,426 --> 00:08:16,595              [ Voice breaking ]          It's...too late for me,               beautiful prince.

213 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:17,829               Take the potion.

214 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,998              [ Voice breaking ]               Take it and live.

215 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,299                     Live!

216 00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:23,101                  [ Groans ]

217 00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,804 I won't let your sacrifice      be wasted.

218 00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,138          [ Glug! Glug! ]

219 00:08:27,140 --> 00:08:29,274        [ Glass shatters ]

220 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,842                     See?               No more coughing.

221 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:33,712      Hey, yeah. Actually, I do feel better.

222 00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,881       [ Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!       Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! ]

223 00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:36,882                     Wow.

224 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:39,384                Maybe that was               the wrong potion.

225 00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,587                 Much better!

226 00:08:46,158 --> 00:08:49,461   Ice Queen: <i>Lounged atop their</i>    <i>comfortable sense of ennui,</i>

227 00:08:49,463 --> 00:08:52,631       <i>Flynn the human being</i>      <i>and Jacques the raccoon</i>

228 00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:56,334   <i>listened to the Ice President</i>         <i>read his fiction.</i>

229 00:08:56,336 --> 00:09:00,639 "Lynn the person looked at Janet   and asked, 'Am I my feelings?

230 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,008            Do I exist  because I can't stop feeling?'

231 00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:04,843    Janet the fox answered her.

232 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,478       'Feelings are action,

233 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,848    and like all mortal action,   they are doomed to failure.'"

234 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,883     <i>Flynn and Jacques sighed.</i>

235 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,152        <i>They totally got it.</i>

236 00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,320             The end!

237 00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:17,355      What do you guys think?        Too philosophical?

238 00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,324          [ Flute plays ]   [ Penguins chanting "Wenk!" ]

239 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:20,325            [ Groans ]

240 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,093          Out of my way!

241 00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:25,163         Blazin' blueberries --                comin' through!

242 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,699   [ Penguins chanting "Wenk!" ]

243 00:09:27,701 --> 00:09:30,368          You're ruining       my literary reading!

244 00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,736  Oh, hey, Ice Queen.

245 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,772   Do you want Cake to make your flapjack portrait?

246 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,207             Why, ye--          No! I mean no!

247 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,210 Why don't we table this for now, so I can...

248 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,379     destroy you!

249 00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,881     Hang on to your turkeys,

250 00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:45,884     because I'm about to make    the toughest flapjack ever.

251 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:47,686    Some purple chicken milk...

252 00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,120       dramatic cornmeal...

253 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,255        NOoooo!

254 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:53,091           And the tears    of this reflective turtle.

255 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,728  [ Whispering ] You will outlive        everyone you love.

256 00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,964         [ Normal voice ]     Cry for me, little mama!

257 00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:01,900           [ Sizzling ]

258 00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,735           Here, Fionna!

259 00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:04,736            [ Shing! ]

260 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,104                    Tasty!

261 00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,907                Hey, Ice Queen,       I really liked your story.

262 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,208           The imagery was tight.

263 00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,744    Can you bElieve it was my first draft?!

264 00:10:12,746 --> 00:10:14,679                    No way!

265 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,249              Gotcha!

266 00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,719             I call it     "Portrait of an Author."

267 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:21,920                   [ Chuckles ]

268 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,888                 I really did          like her story, though.

269 00:10:23,890 --> 00:10:26,791  I wonder how that Ice President                 got elected.

270 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:31,763            Talk about        life imitating art.

271 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,965        Gunter, did you see          what Daddy did?

272 00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,267           Did you guess         the secret theme?

273 00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:37,268                     Wenk!

274 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:38,937        No! You're way off!

275 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,406          Fionna and Cake   were at the breakfast <i>table.</i>

276 00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,175         Gumball consulted        the periodic <i>table.</i>

277 00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:47,445       Flame Prince set fire     to the <i>table</i> of contents.

278 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,682        The...purple thing    had a <i>tablespoon</i> of syrup.

279 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:54,586        And Ice Queen...did  a <i>tabley</i> thing, too, probably.

280 00:10:54,588 --> 00:10:55,787                     Wenk!

281 00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,489            They're not       like regular stories.

282 00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:58,690         They're shorter.

283 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:01,292     I'll call them...grabl--

284 00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,428           No -- <i>tables!</i>

285 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,529                     Wenk.

286 00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:09,100            [ Slurps ]

287 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:14,339     I'll never look at tables        the same way again.

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