| Season 4, episode 22|
|Airdate:||September 17, 2012|
|Story:|| Patrick McHale|
| Written &|
| Somvilay Xayaphone|
"Who Would Win"
"The Hard Easy"
Marauder's area/Flame Princess' home
|This transcript is complete; however, it should be checked for errors|
- Jake: Ready?
- Flame Princess: Yes
- Jake: [Sounds of concentration] [Then farts] [Seals Squeez-E-Mart bag like a balloon.]
- Flame Princess: [Shoots the balloon with her fire] [Balloon explodes]
- Finn: That was awesome! Alright, alright, my turn. [Lies on Jake's back] [Sounds of concentration] [Then burps] [Seals Squeez-E-Mart bag like a balloon.]
- Flame Princess: [Focuses on balloon and shoots the balloon] [Balloon explodes]
- Finn: [Laughter]
- Flame Princess: [Laughter] You guys are full of magic air.
- Jake: [Gasps] [Farts]
- Finn: [Disgusted] Gross! [Rolls with Jake] [Then slaps Jake] No! [Turns to Flame Princess] Princess? You, okay?
- Flame Princess: [Looks downed] Yeah... It's just the air smells bad from your magic tricks, and now I feel sad. [Looks at Finn and Jake] I left all my scented candles at the castle. They'd really cut through the magic stink.
- Jake: Just go back to the Fire Kingdom and get 'em. Problem solved.
- Flame Princess: [Sighs] [Then stands up] Then I'll have to see my dad. I'm still mad at him for imprisoning me in that lantern. So UNFAIR! [Flame Princess transforms again to her enraged form.] [Screams with anger]
- Finn & Jake: [Frightened]
- Finn: Uh, we can go get 'em.
- Flame Princess: [Returns to her normal form.] [Pleasant voice] Really? That would be really nice. [Warns] But don't let my Pops see you. I don't want "His Majesty" thinking I need anything from him.
- Flambo: [Farts]
- Finn, Flame Princess, & Jake: [Surprised]
- Jake: That ain't me.
- Finn, Flame Princess, & Jake: [Looks at the rock]
- Finn & Jake: Whoa!
- Flambo: [inside the rock] [Farts more]
- Finn & Jake: [Approaches the rock]
- Finn: [Opens the rock]
- Flambo: Oh! [Farts again]
- Finn: [Relieved]
- Jake: Flambo! [Whispers to Finn] For a second, I thought the princess was farting.
- Finn: Flambo, we need you to cast Flame Shield on us.
- Flambo: [Agrees to Finn] Alright! [Rubs both of his hands] [Flambo casting the Flame Shield; chants and also creates a series of runic symbols. He grows two big fists and hits Finn and Jake on the forehead.]
- [Scene cuts to the Fire Kingdom]
- Jake: [Stretches his left arm to hold onto something with Finn holding onto his back, sneaking pass the Flame Guards.]
- [Seconds later, inside Flame Princess's room in the palace]
- Finn & Jake: [Tip toe walking towards near the scented candles.]
- Finn: These candles, must be "They."
- Jake: [Sniffing the candles] [Whispers] They smell like an old lady's bathroom.
- Finn: [Whispers with anger] Hey! Don't disrespect my lady!
- Jake: [Whispers in reply] I said that as a compliment. Like, it reminds me of grandma. I love my grandma.
- Finn: [Takes the candles and puts them into his backpack.]
- [Seconds later, two voices are heard behind the door.]
- Furnius: No one comes-sss here. Not since Flame Princess [Finn jumps and lies close to the bottom of the door.] leaved [for left] the castle. Now guesssss what we're gonna kill Flame King with?
- Finn: [Gasps] [Then whispers] A conspirator with a hiss voice!
- Torcho: How about, water?
- Furnius: Even worsssse, we'll use icccce.
- Finn: [Whispers] And a conspirator with an untied shoe.
- Torcho: Ice? Why ice?
- Furnius: Cuz it'sss more painful, You sssimpleton! Cold as iccce fallzz. A perfect death for the Flame King.
- Furnius & Torcho: [Evil laughter]
- Finn: [Gasps, turns around, and Jake is thrown away.]
- Jake: Whoa!
- Finn: Did you hear that?
- Jake: [Sniffs]
- Finn: Jake, come on! We gotta stop those guys from killing Flame Princess's dad!
- Jake: [Drops the candle] Right, right.
- [Moments later, outside the room]
- Jake: [Opens the door]
- Finn: Dirt bags! Where'd they go?
- Finn & Jake: [Tip toe walking]
- Jake: [Gasps]
- [Lesser Flame Guards approaching nearby]
- Finn & Jake: [Plans via body language] [Then disguises themselves as a painting]
- Lesser Flame Guards: [Walking backwards]
- Lesser Flame Guard 1: [Notices] Hey, is that new?
- Lesser Flame Guard 2: Yeah, I think it is.
- Lesser Flame Guard 3: Yes it is new.
- Lesser Flame Guard 2: Hm, what you guys think about this painting?
- Lesser Flame Guard 1: I like it.
- Lesser Flame Guard 3: Hey, is this one of those paintings where the eyes follow you.
- Lesser Flame Guards: [Looks at the painting]
- Finn: [Concentrating]
- Lesser Flame Guards: [Moves to the right and left while looking at them.]
- Finn: [Still concentrating]
- Lesser Flame Guard 1: Hmmm
- Lesser Flame Guard 2: [Sighs]
- Lesser Flame Guards: [Moves to the right] [Gets bored]
- Lesser Flame Guard 3: Come on, let's get out of here, I don't wanna miss snack time.
- Lesser Flame Guard 1: SNACKS!
- Lesser Flame Guard 2: And SNACKS!
- Lesser Flame Guard 3: SNACKS!
- Lesser Flame Guards: SNACKS! [Walking backwards] SNACKS! SNACKS! SNACKS!
- Finn: [Losing concentrating]
- Finn & Jake: [Breaths]
- Jake: Now what?
- Furnius: And most of actual murdersss...
- Finn: [Whispers] You hear that? It sounds like a voice with a hiss.
- Jake: The kind we are looking for.
- Furnius: The ssserpent that isss...
- Finn: Stop!
- Furnius: ...my father's life, now wears his crown. [Hisses]
- Finn & Jake: [Looks above]
- Jake: Dude, the voice
- Finn: We must follow the voice
- Jake: [Opens the air vent] [Uses his stretchy powers to get there and pulls Finn up.] [Then closes the air vent]
- Unknown: To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream...
- Finn: [Whispers] Which way is the hiss voice coming from?
- Unknown: ...there's the rub; For in that sleep of death what...
- Jake: [Whispers] This way!
- Unknown: ...dreams may come.
- Jake: [Drags self]
- Finn: [Whispers] Which way?
- Furnius: I seem to be saying a lot about our [Jake raises his left ear] super secret plan
- Jake: [Whispers] To the left
- Fire Denizens 1: You!
- Jake: [Checking out]
- Fire Denizens 1: [Pointing with their right finger at each other] You! You! You!
- Fire Denizens 2: [Pointing with both fingers at each other] Double you! Double you!
- Jake: [Whispers] I don't think it's them.
- Fire Denizens 2: Double you! Double you!
- [Finn and Jake moving forward and turning left]
- Jake: [Falls] Whooaaa.
- Finn: [Whispers for checking] Jake!
- Jake: [Whispers in response] I'm okay. I think I hear that hissing voice down this way!
- Finn: [Falls down toward Jake] Whooooo! [Falls flat on his face.] [Questions with disappointment] Why didn't you catch me?
- Jake: Whoops. Tell me next time, I can't think in the future.
- [Moments later]
- Jake: [Whispers] Vent ahead.[And looks outside]
- Finn: [Whispers] Jake, I wanna see. [Jake steps aside]
- Lesser Flame Guard 3: [Eating cake] [Then measures cake] Thirty-seven... [Eats another and measures again] Twenty-two
- Finn: [Whispers] No hissing.
- Jake: [Whispers] No untied shoe.
- [Moments later, Jake found another vent]
- Jake: [whispers] Vent
- Jalapeño pepper: [Hisses] This need something more, yesss, yes, that's the sssstuff.
- Finn: [Whispers] Whoa, it's him!
- [The air vent is opened]
- Finn & Jake: [Dives quietly]
- Jalapeño pepper: Hmmm?
- Finn & Jake: [Shows up]
- Jalapeño pepper: My bluebeessss!
- Jake: [Points right finger to Jalapeño pepper] You baffoon! Where's your partner with the untied shoe?
- Jalapeño pepper: What partner? What are you blueberriesss talking about?
- Finn: [Rises fist) Give it up man! [Then points right finger to Jalapeño pepper] I heard your hiss voice!
- Jalapeño pepper: I don't have a hiss...
- Red snake: [Hisses]
- Jalapeño pepper: ...voice. [Then points right finger to Finn] There's a....
- Red snake: [Hisses again]
- Jalapeño pepper: .... snake on your shoulder.
- Finn: What?
- Red snake: [Hisses again]
- Finn: [Frightened] [Slaps the snake away from him and landed on Jake.]
- Jake: [Looks at the snake] Hmmmm. Sufferin' succotash.
- Jalapeño pepper: Now to chop you two big blueberries into small bite-sized blueberries. [Then chases after them]
- Finn & Jake: [Screaming and running for their lives]
- [Monents later]
- Theater troupe: [Chattering]
- Theater troupe leader: Five minutes are closing everyone, five minutes.
- Finn & Jake: [Takes two members of the theater troupe to a room.]
- Finn: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Jake: [Picks up a table with food on it]
- Finn & Jake: [Runs with disguises on]
- Jalapeño pepper: [Panting] [Then heads to a room] Oh. Psh, actors.
- [Moments later, Finn and Jake catch up with the theater troupe]
- Finn: [Lays a hand on a theater troupe member] What's going with the costumes?
- Theater troupe member: [High voice] This is a theater troupe. We're getting rrready to perform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. [Lowered voice] Of course, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troupe. [Turns around and picks clothes]
- Jake: [Makes a distance with Finn] I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators, you will have one shoe untied, I'll talk with a hiss voice, we'll talk about how we want to kill the king, as we do these, we'll study the faces of the audience, a move of guilty reactions.
- Finn: [Likes it] That's brilliant!
- Jake: Thanks! It's an original idea, by me.
- [Moments later, at the stage play, Flame King appears and the lights went low for the play.]
- Audience: [Cheering]
- Finn: [Clears throat] Hey conspirator!
- Jake: Hey co-conspirator!
- Finn: Let's talk about how we're gonna kill the king.
- Jake: Shhhhhh sssssomebody might here our evil plot.
- Flame King: [Not liking it] Man, I am so lost.
- Jake: Psst, the audience.
- Suspect: [Moaning] [Then sneezes]
- Jake: You think that's one of them.
- Finn: Maybe, let's keep goin'. So, what are you packin'?
- Jake: Water, man. Enough of it to put out the King's fire.
- Suspect: [Still moaning] [Then eats a hot dog] [Looking around with suspicion]
- Finn: I thinks he's starting to crack. Water? You know what is more painful, if we pour ice in his ear. That's how we'll kill the Flame King.
- Flame King: [Bored] Psh, kill the Flame King? [Thinks about it] [Then behind him, an arm appeared, holding ice and fails to pour on him.] [Angry reaction] This is treason disguised as a play! [Orders] Guards, seized them!
- Flame Guards: [Approaching Finn and Jake]
- Finn: What!? No!
- Flame Guards: [Pinning Finn and Jake to the ground]
- Finn & Jake: [Grunts]
- Finn: Please, we were trying to warn you about the assassins!
- Flame King: Hmmmmm, search them!
- Flame Guard: Hmmmm, [Surprised] Huh? [Sniffs the candles] Sire! It's your daughter's scented candles.
- Finn: Ahh... ahh, ah.
- Flame King: Sickos! [Orders] Off with their heads!
- Jake: Whoa, what!?
- Audience: [Cheering and chattering] Yes!
- Furnius: Sssstay sssstill.
- Finn: Sssstill?
- Torcho: [Evil laughter]
- Finn: Untied shoelace? [Gasps] It's them!
- Furnius: Sssso long, ssssuckers!
- Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES!
- Flame King: [Surprised]
- Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES!
- Audience: [Gasps and shocked]
- Finn: NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! NAKED BABIES! [Clears throat] We found 'em! The executioners are the real king killers!
- Audience: [Disbelief]
- Furnius: Ssssilence!
- Flame King: Wa-wa-wait, wait. That voice. [Orders] Guards, take off their hoods.
- Torcho: Here, my identity!
- Furnius: [Hisses]
- Torcho: [Guilty] Argh
- Flame King: [Surprised] Furnius and Torcho!
- Furnius: Hello Uuuncle!
- Audience: [Shocked and surprised] Wait, what!?
- Flame King: [Orders] Arrest the executioners!
- Flame Guards: [Arrests the executioners]
- Flame King: Hmmmm, [Points right finger at Furnius and Torcho] I thought I had you two extinguished.
- Furnius: You cannot quench the flamessss of revenge!
- Torcho: You snucked on our father to become king!
- Flame King: Oh, yeah! Hehe. [Orders] Take them to the punishment room!
- Flame Guards: [Takes Furnius and Torcho to the punishment room.]
- Furnius: I'll dessstroy all of you, with ice!
- Torcho: Release me!
- Finn: Wait! So, you? You extinguished their dad?
- Flame King: [Yes tone]
- Finn: And everyone is evil here?
- Flame King: [Performs a stunt towards the stage]
- Flame King: [Yes tone] All evil.
- Finn: Then, is Flame Princess: evil or maybe chaotic neutral?
- Flame King: She's evil.
- Finn: Okay, so your daughter's evil. We've established that, but do you think if a good guy really liked her, could he, change her to good?
- Flame King: Hmmmmm, well, there'd be penalties to her experience, if she acted out of alignment. But, yes, someone could change her.
- Finn: [Smiles happily]
- Finn & Jake: [Leaves the stage]
- Flame King: [Thinks about his daughter] Change her to good? [Worried]
- [Scene cuts to Flame Princess's house]
- [Through window, Finn and Jake look at Flame Princess sleeping.]
- Finn: Aww...
- Flame Princess: [Breathing]
- Jake: [Picks the scented candles and lights them with Flame Princess's hair] [Then puts them on her bedside table]
- [Then suddenly, Flame King appears on the candles.]
- Flame King: [Looks around] Evil, evil, evil, evil, evil.... EVIL!!!
- Flame Princess: [Wakes up] Aah!
- Flame King: Aah!
- Flame Princess: [Turns around right after what she saw]
- [The episode ends]