This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "James II" from season 6, which aired on April 28, 2014.

Candy Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


[The episode starts with Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake walking along a river.]
Finn & Jake: Willy! Willy! Oh, Willy!
Princess Bubblegum: Sh! There it is. The weeping Willy. [she puts a glass under Willy and pokes it with a stick so that it drops sap] One drop of its rare sap can flavor an entire stock pot of soup.
Clone James: [running] Danger, danger! Whoop whoop! Loose gravel!
Princess Bubblegum: James?
Clone James: Look out princess! [while making her fall to the ground] Poot poot poot shooh!
Princess Bubblegum: [upon touching the ground] Ow!
Clone James: [falling and screaming]
Princess Bubblegum, Finn & Jake: [shouting] James!
Clone James: Remember me! [he reaches the river he was falling in]
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, not this again.
Time card: 3 months ago
James: I'm registering mondo mega rads down there.
Jake: [stuttering]
Finn: Huh? [turns around, seeing lots of monsters climbing on the vehicle's windshield.] Oh, my garf! What are they?!
Princess Bubblegum: They're toxic creatures, from another time.
Jake: [scared] It can't end like this.
Finn: [shouting] James!
Finn: I wanted to do it. Why didn't you let me?
Princess Bubblegum: Someone was going to have to eat the big one to save the others.
Princess Bubblegum: And even though he is gone, and it's super sad, I would like to honor James… With this new James I whipped up in the lab!
[Banana Guards unveil the new James.]
Clone James: Jeet!
Princess Bubblegum: Here you go, James— [pins on him a Medal of Valor] an award for bravery. Let's hear it for James! [claps]
Candy People: [cheering]
Finn: Wow. James sacrificed his life for you again, PB.
Jake: Yeah, that's like the twenty-fifth time, right?
Finn: Yeah, obviously we'll have to re-clone him.
Jake: Totes.
Princess Bubblegum: Now hold up. This ground is perfectly solid. [Princess Bubblegum jumps a few times.] There's no loose gravel here.
Jake: So what? Clone him up, girl.
Princess Bubblegum: James is too reckless. I can't reward this kind of foolish behavior forever. It's time James takes his eternal nap.
Finn: But it's James!
Jake: Come P-Gum, don't be all cold-hearty!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm putting my foot down. There will be no more Jameses.
Finn: No...
Princess Bubblegum: I'm sorry. Look, I need you guys to go to James's apartment and box up his stuff.
Jake: [later, in the Candy Kingdom] And remember the time James saved PB from that contaminated cupcake?
Finn: Yeah, he ate that whole cupcake. What a guy...
Finn: [Upon entering James' apartment, he sees plenty of Jameses partying] Is this... James heaven?
Jake: [shouting] Jameses! [all the Jameses stop dancing] Alright, who's in charge here?
Finn: James...
James II: Uh, I'm James number 2. The original James got all goopy in the desert.
Jake: Explain this biz, James II.
James II: Well... I was lonely! I knew Princess Bubs would make a new James if, you know, a James died a hero. So...
Finn: You faked your own death?
James II: Yeah! I just wanted a friend. [James II grabs another James] Someone who gets me!
Finn: James...
James II: Plus, each time I get kerplonked, I get another shiny medal, and why have two medals if you can have all the medals? Medals, medals, medals...
Finn: Dude, I've been to your funeral like twenty-five times.
James II: What? The medals make me happy. Plus, PLUS! It's a constant party here in [James II turns around] Jamestown!
Jake: [whispering to Finn] PB ain't gonna like this.
Finn: Hmm hmm!
James II: Wait, don't tell her! I'll give you a medal.
Jake: Nah, man. PB's no dummy. She'll find out. It's only a matter of time.
Finn: We like you James but, you're on your own. We're gonna sit this one out.
[Finn and Jake go outside, sit on a bench while laughing.]
Finn: This should be good.
[sometime later]
Jake: There's Princess Bubblegum!
Princess Bubblegum: [shouting] Hey! Stop running! You rascals, get back here! You are all in so much trouble! [shouting again] James!
Jake: [laughs] What a show!
Finn: Very enjoyable!
[Finn and Jake are sitting on the Candy Kingdom's walls and eating it while watching Princess Bubblegum and the banana guards]
Princess Bubblegum: [to the banana guards] Okay, who's the Banana Guard Leader for this week?
Banana Guard Leader: I'm the leader.
Princess Bubblegum: This picture should help you find the Jameses.
Banana Guard Leader: Hey guys, it's the picture of one of the perpetrators. Take a good look.
Banana Guards: Ooooh!
Princess Bubblegum: There's twenty-five of them.
Banana Guard Leader: I need to see the other twenty-four pictures.
Princess Bubblegum: Nope, you only need that one.
Banana Guard Leader: What? How can one picture identify twenty-five perpetrators?
Princess Bubblegum: It's because they all look the same.
Banana Guard Leader: Oh okay, I see. There's twenty-five of them! They all look like this guy!
Banana Guard I: Huh, how can twenty-five guys look like one guy? You mean they're viginti-quintuplets?
Banana Guard Leader: You mean they're viginti-quintuplets?
Princess Bubblegum: No! They're clones.
Banana Guard Leader: What are clones?
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs then speaks very fast] A group of organisms or cells produced asexually from one ancestor or stock, to which they are genetically identical.
Banana Guard II: How did that happen?
Princess Bubblegum: It's a long story.
Banana Guard Leader: I love long stories.
Princess Bubblegum: Aaah! There's no time!
Banana Guard Leader: And they're not brothers?
Princess Bubblegum: No! They're not brothers, they're clones!
[Finn and Jake are laughing, Princess Bubblegum hears them]
Princess Bubblegum: [shouting] Hey! Get down here and help me! [Finn and Jake indicate to her to go see them and she sighs] Viginti-quintuplets! I'm telling you...
Princess Bubblegum: What are you doing? Why aren't you helping?
Jake: Come on PBs, just sit here with us for five minutes.
Princess Bubblegum: Why?
Jake: Come on! Five minutes!
[Princess Bubblegum sits down and sighs. Jake gives her a brick of the wall to eat]
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe just a brick.
Banana Guard Leader: [to one of the Jameses who's walking in front of them] Hey you, stop!
Clone James I: Yeah?
Banana Guard Leader: Have you seen this guy?
Clone James I: Hmm...
Princess Bubblegum: [cluckles] I have to admit, it's fun to watch.
Banana Guard Leader: [when seeing two other Jameses] You two stop too! [to the first James] Show them the picture!
Clone James I: Alright.
Banana Guard Leader: Have you guys seen this guy?
Clone James II&III: Hmm...
[Three other Jameses come and look at the picture with the others. Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake laugh at them while all the left Jameses come and look at the picture.]
Banana Guard Leader: Let me see that picture again.
Clone James I: [gives it to them] Here you go.
Banana Guard Leader: Hmm... Hmm... [to Clone James I] What's your name?
Clone James I: James.
Banana Guard Leader: [pointing to a random James with their finger] What's your name?
Clone James IV: James.
Clone James V: [when the Banana guard leader points to him] James.
Clone James VI: [when the Banana guard leader points to him] James.
Banana Guard Leader: You're all named James. Is it because you guys look alike?
Clone James VI: I guess so.
Banana Guard Leader: Y'know, I was telling this to the guys... If, if we look alike, we should have the same name. It would just make it a little easier. Life, that is. It would make our life a little easier. [crying] Aah... Give me a second... [wipes the tear] Same name... Look alike... You really look alike... Brothers! You're all brothers?
Clone James VI: No... I don't think so.
Banana Guard Leader: [counting the Jameses] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-
Clone James VI: Twenty-five. If you're counting how many of us look alike, there's twenty-five.
Banana Guard Leader: Hmm... Twenty-five... Not brothers... [They remember Princess Bubblegum saying “No, they're not brothers, they're clones!” to them.] [to the other banana guards] I think these are the twenty-five that are not brothers. [shouting] Perpetrators! Get to them! [The banana guards start running after the Jameses and Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake laugh again.]
Banana Guard II: [Four Jameses hide in a glove shop from four banana guards.] Where they'd go?
The four Banana Guards: [The four Jameses leave the shop wearing gloves but the gloves fall on the ground] It's them!
The four Jameses: Whoop whoop!
[The Banana Guards start chasing the Jameses again]
[Princess Bubblegum, Finn and Jake are sitting on top of a building and are watching the Jameses building a trap for the Banana Guards. The Banana Guards arrive and are about to enter the trap but it falls apart in front of them. They finally surround the Jameses]
Banana Guards: Gotcha!
Jameses: Aww!
Princess Bubblegum: [She, Finn and Jake walk to the Jameses]Okay, fun's over. You're not heroes! [rips off James II's medals] You don't deserve these medals.
James II: Wah, no fair.
Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected! Evil! [A horde of goo monsters run towards the Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: Protect the kingdom!
Banana Guards: Okay! Weeoo weeoo weeoo weeoo... [starts advancing on the goo monsters. Gumball Guardians shoot lasers out of there eyes and obliterates one of the goo monsters. A Banana Guard fakes their death by putting a spear on his body and lies down] Ah! Can't fight! [Finn comes and takes the spear]
Finn: Yoink!
Banana Guard: Hey!
Finn: Heeyah![he attempts stabbing one of the goo monsters with a spear, but the spear melts on contact]Aww! Don't touch the monsters! They'll melt you![a Banana Guard tries to poke a goo monster, and run away after hearing Finn. Banana Guards run into the castle. Finn spots a bunch of candy orphans] Oh my jerbs! Jake! Let's help these candy orphans! [He runs to the bunch of candy orphans] Hey kids! [He picks up an orphan and kicks it into the kingdom. Jake stretches his arms to put the orphans into the kingdom]
Gumball Guardian: Evil! [Goo monsters attempt to climb over the kingdom walls but are obliterated by Gumball Guardian's lasers]
James II: Man, we do deserve them medals. It's not like she can give them to someone else. I wrote my name on all of them.
Clone James: Yeah, so did I. [Princess Bubblegum screams]
James II: Princess!
Princess Bubblegum: [a goo monster is walking toward her, and she gasps] The original James?
James II: James are a heroes! See? [he jumps on the original James] Vrow-w-w-w!
Clone James: Yeah, I'm-a save the day! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: I, as well! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: For the good of the many! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: Check out my selfless act! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: Me, too! So selfless! [he jumps on the monster too]
Clone James: All for one, and one for James! [He jumps on the monster too. At this point, every James have jumped and turned into a pile of candy which then turned into a candy people made out of the Jameses.]
Jake: Mother of Grob!
Jameses: We told you we were heroes!
Princess Bubblegum: I hereby award thee...Jameses...These medals for bravery.
Finn: Dat's my boi, Jameses!
Princess Bubblegum: Now for your new assignment, Jameses. Go unto the Wastelands, and never come back.
Clone James: What-a-wha...?
Princess Bubblegum: Do it, and I'll send you a medal every day.
Jameses: Yay!
Clone James: Come on, every-James!
Jameses: [chanting and running toward the Wastelands] Medals! Medals! Medals! Medals! Medals!
Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] I'm not gonna miss him.