This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Loyalty to the King" from season 2, which aired on October 25, 2010.

Ice Kingdom
Nice Kingdom
This transcript is complete.


[Scene: Ice King sleeping, Finn and Jake unlocking prison door to free Engagement Ring Princess.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake.
Jake: Shoosh.
[Finn gets the lock open and Jake takes her hand.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake.
Jake: [Harsh whispering] We are...
[Finn takes out his sword.]
Engagement Ring Princess: Save me... Finn and Jake.
Jake: Why does she keep saying that?
Finn: I think she's traumatized, dude.
Jake: Don't worry, princess. We're gonna get you out of here. [All three exit the castle by sliding down the castle's ice path on a sled.] Whoo-hoo! yeah! yeah!
Ice King: [Continues to sleep but soon wakes up.] Huh eh! What was that?! [Turns on lamp] Darling, are you alright? I thought I heard a— [Loud gasp. He flies over to the empty prison and touches its door.] Oh, I see what happened. She broke up with me! [Goes to the window to yell.] Well, it's your mistake, missy! This Ice King is gonna be fine!
[Scene: Ice King slumped over his workout bench with food scattered around.]
Ice King: [Heavy sighing; moans] Why did she leave? I put so much cool stuff in her little prison! Come on, old boy, keep it together [Pouts] Hey, maybe she called me! [Picks up a pair of slacks and pulls out a banana from its pocket.] Please, please, please! Doo-doo... doo, doo-doo, doo-doo. No new messages?! [Angrily throws banana, which hits a picture of him and Engagement Ring Princess that has "Together Forever" printed on the frame.] Raaaaa!
[Scene: Ice King slow walks into his bathroom.]
Ice King: [Heavily sighs.] This is where she use to do her business. Uh, I'm so tired of looking at this face. [He picks up a razor and hums away as he shaves off his beard.] Aa, hee hee, not bad! And now for some healthy exercise! Ha ha, I'm forgetting about that silly old breakup already! [Walks through his beard remains and out of the castle.]
[Scene: Ice King exercises in a park's grassy area. There is a small pond with two gooses.]
Ice King: [Finishes.] Alright, let's fly! [Jumps and spreads his arms and quickly falls.] Oof! You fool, you can't fly without your beard. [He mopes and sits in the middle of a sandbox.] I'm gonna be alone forever.
Slime Princess: [She enters the sandbox next to him.] Hi!
Ice King: Beautiful princess.
Slime Princess: Excuse me for approaching you, sir. You just seem so approachable. [Giggles.]
Ice King: [Chuckles.] That's funny, usually my looks put people off.
Slime Princess: [Giggles.]
Ice King: [Looks around the area.] Is someone paying you to do this?
Slime Princess: [Giggles harder and waves her arms.] Tell me about yourself.
Ice King: Well, there's not much to tell, really. I'm an ice king.
Slime Princess: Oooh, a nice King.
Ice King: Ha haha, no no, dear you misheard me. I'm not a nice king, I'm a— [Sees Slime Princess' eyes widen.] A really nice king! And I'm single!
Slime Princess: [Giggles loudly.]
[Scene: Lumpy Space Princess has been spying on the two.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my gosh! [Puts down binoculars and tosses away headset. She takes out her cellphone and also eats some chips.] Hmm, yeah, guess what, Slime Princess is in the park, and she's, like, talking to a new nice king and he's, like, totally single. [Looks through binoculars.] By the way... don't tell anybody!
Peanut Princess: [Dials Wild Berry Princess.] There's a new king in town! [This soon expands out to show Wild Berry Princess calling another princess, who then calls another princess, and so on and so on.]
[Featured onscreen, top left to bottom right: Embryo Princess, Turtle Princess, Space Angel Princess, Raggedy Princess, Engagement Ring Princess, Emerald Princess, Wild Berry Princess, Muscle Princess, Purple Princess, Peanut Princess, Ghost Princess, Skeleton Princess, Hot Dog Princess and Bee Princess.] Oh, my goodness, I can't wait to meet him.
[Scene: Finn and Jake are seen waling, with Finn carrying the head of a cyclops and Jake with his stretched arm in the air.]
Finn: Heh heh and I was all like "Leave him alone!" and he was like "Make me!" and I was like "Okay!" and then he was like "Aaah, my head!" Ah haha. [Looks up Jake's arm to see him holding a cellphone.] Dude, what are you doing?
Jake: Trying to get a signal, it's like everyone in Ooo is on their phones or something. [Arm stretches back to body, Jake looks at it for signal.] Aww man. [Not watching were he was going he bumps into Princess Princess Princess.]
Princess Princess Princess: [red hair] Have you guys... [black hair #2] seen the new... [blonde hair] nice king?
Finn: Nice King?
Princess Princess Princess: [blonde hair] Yeah! [red hair] He's single... [black hair #1] and he's ours! [blonde hair] Now, get out of our way! [She shoves Finn and Jake and rushes away.]
[The head of the cyclops rolls near a bush and a frog jumps into the open mouth.]
Finn: [Brushing away the dirt from his clothing.]
Jake: Man, now we have to kick that frog out of his new home.
Finn: Nah, let him keep it. Hey, there's a new king and he's nice, we should offer our services!
Jake: Finn & Jake-style!
[Scene: back at the park the Princesses are now all caged in a dome climber. A large sand castle has been built in the middle of the playing area.]
Princess: Yoo hoo! Nice King, Nice King over here!
Ice King: Ladies, I'll have time to meet you individually later, please just, just stop squirming.
Turtle Princess: But this looks like a prison.
Ice King: Prison? Don't be ridiculous! It's a... waiting room! Stop squirming.
Finn & Jake: [From a distance.] Nice King! Yeeeaah! [The leap dramatically and land in front of the dome.]
Ice King: Finn and Jake! You'll never take me alive! [His hands glow and blaze with magic.]
Finn & Jake: [Both stare at one another.] Huh? [The Princesses have also stared in confusion.]
Finn: You're the nice king, right?
Ice King: [Relaxes] Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that.
Finn: Well, we will honor and serve you.
Ice King: Serve me?
Finn: Yeah! We wanna be your nice knights.
Ice King: [Laughs evilly] Sounds... nice...
Finn & Jake: [Bow down.]
Ice King: With my rod of niceness, I dub thee two my Nice Knights. [He taps both with a moss covered stick.]
Finn & Jake: Yeeah! We're knights! Niiice...
Finn: Who do you want us to nice knight against?
Space Angel Princess: Nice King, I love you!
Engagement Ring Princess: Did I tell you that I like the opera? But if you don't, I hate it!
Princesses: Nice King!
Ice King: [Angrily flares up.] Please! I'm trying to tell my Nice Knights something! [This causes everyone to gasp loudly.]
Ice King: [Chuckles nervously] Come here. [He huddles with Finn & Jake.] The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganization of his love life.
Finn: W-well, what do you mean?
Ice King: The ugly ones are all mixed up with the other ones! I need you to catalog them... or something.
Jake: Tah ha, but we punch monsters.
Ice King: After I choose my bride, then you can go punch the monsters.
Finn: Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...
[Scene: Finn and Jake interview the princesses.]
Finn: Let's move onto something easier. Um, do you like drums?
Bee Princess: Um, am I supposed to?
Jake: She's dodging the question.
Bee Princess: [Faints]
Finn: Are you fond of men with magical abilities?
Ghost Princess: I'm really nervous right now... I-I just really want to meet a nice king.
Jake: You can go back to the waiting room now, ma'am!
Ghost Princess: I screwed it up, didn't I! [Cries and runs away.]
Jake: I think we did a good job.
Finn: I don't feel good making a princess cry, this is not how knights are suppose to act.
Jake: Finn, knights are loyal to their king.
Finn: I'm still not sure...
Jake: Aa Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba! Loyalty to the King! [Pats Finn's shoulder.]
Finn: Can't argue with that!
Ice King: [Calling from a top the sand castle window.] Hey, Nice Knights, Turtle Princess is about to walk out that door, I told her that I like her a lot, but I really don't like her all that much, could you guys break it off for me?
Finn: The Nice King is not looking for a relationship right now.
Jake: Get out of here!
Turtle Princess: [Cries and runs away.]
Finn: [Calls after her] He's just not ready for a relationship!
Jake: Alright! We did it, dude! [Pats Finn's forehead.]
Finn: [Sighs] I feel terrible, I need to talk to the Nice King about this.
[Scene: inside the sand castle, Ice King is riding on Hot Dog Princess while balancing himself with Skeleton Princess and Purple Princess walking on the sides.]
Ice King: Yes, yes, keep walking in a circle. [Muffled laugh.]
Finn: Nice King, may I speak with you for a moment?
Ice King: Princesses, I must speak with my knight in private. Go on back into your cage.
Princesses: Bye, Nice King. [Giggling]
Ice King: What's up, knight?
Finn: I don't like treating princesses this way, I don't wanna... I don't wanna do this anymore.
Ice King: [Seething anger] Your loyalty is in question?
Finn: Oh, it's not that. It's just, princesses are suppose to be treated with niceness.
Ice King: [Pinching at Finn's body] Are you implying that I'm not the nice king!
Finn: Hey, what's wrong with you!
Ice King: [Laughs]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, I'm here.
Ice King: Ugh, Finn, get rid of her.
Finn: What?! No, man!
Ice King: She's too loud and lumpy, I like smooth princesses... smoo-o-o-oth. [mimes curvy body shape with his hands.]
Lumpy Space Princess: I can be smooth! [Begins pulling at her lumps.] Finn, punch out my lumps.
Finn: What?!
Lumpy Space Princess: I can be whatever he wants! I can change!
Finn: I can't punch a princess!
Ice King: Gaah! Finn, just punch her! Let me see what she looks like... smoo-o-o-oth.
Finn: Oooo...
Lumpy Space Princess: Yes! Hit me, hit me, hit me!
Finn: [Raises his fist, but stops.] Uuh, I'm sorry, Lumpy Space Princess, I just can't punch you!
Lumpy Space Princess: Are you serious?! Fine, I'll do it myself. [Begins to punch down her lumps.]
Finn: Princess no!
Ice King: Wait a minute Nice Knight, let's see what she can do. [As Lumpy Space Princess continues to punch herself, Finn covers his eyes.]
Lumpy Space Princess: There, how's that? Better? [Is now shaped like a ball.]
Ice King: Meh, no, I-I don't like her.
Lumpy Space Princess: This is all your fault, Finn! [Floats away.] Aaaaaah!
Finn: King, I'm sorry, I just can't do this anymore: punching princesses, breaking hearts, eh- it just doesn't seem nice at all.
Ice King: Hey! You're on thin ice Nice Knight! [A beard whisker sprouts from his cheek.]
Finn: Huh?
Ice King: [Gasp] The jig is up!
Finn: What jig?
Ice King: Ah, eh, heh heh, my jig is up. Up high! It's a highland jig. [Dances around trying to hid his face.] And I have a new assignment for you, one with more knight related stuff, very important.
Finn: Oh, wow, awesome! What is it?
Ice King: The Ice King stole my razor, sneak into his trap-filled ice castle and retrieve it. [Speaking rapidly] And don't look through the shoebox he keeps behind the laundry bag in the closet.
Finn: Wha?!
Ice King: Those are my orders!
Finn: Yes, finally something knight-like!
Finn & Jake: [Exiting the castle on Jake's back as he stretches through an opening.] Get ready, Ice King, for battle!
Ice King: [With palms glowing he manifest floating snow creatures.] And once I have my razor, I can select my elite army of wives and take over the world!
[Scene: at the Ice Kingdom, Finn and Jake sneak around end to the bathroom, which still has a pile of white beard hair on the floor.]
Finn: Whoa, Jake, look at all his hair.
Jake: Did this Ice King shave his back or something?
Finn: Ha ha! [Gasps as he spots the razor.] The Nice King's razor [Clicks it on.], Jake, look, check this out- Aaaah! [He encounters Jake's face covered in a white beard.]
Jake: Relax, dude, it's just me.
Finn: [Clicks of razor.] Ha ha, you look just like the Ice King. [Covers face with beard hair.] And so do I.
Jake: Heh hee heh. These whiskers would make anyone look like the Ice King.
Finn: Ha haa, yeah, even the Nice King!
Finn & Jake: [Gasp] The Nice King is the Ice King!
[Scene: back at the sand castle the Ice King sits on a chair looking into a mirror.]
Ice King: Ugh, what do the princesses see in this face? Hope I can keep this going. So many princesses to meet. [Suddenly a whisker sprouts from his cheek.] Whiskers! [He pulls.] I can't be growing whiskers now! [More continue to sprout faster than he can pull them out.] Daaarrr, I haven't picked who I want to marry me!
Finn: [Calling from outside.] Nice King!
Ice King: Did you retrieve my stole razor?!
Finn: Yeah and also this! [Finn & Jake hold up Ice King's beard hair.]
Ice King: My beard! I-I-I mean what is that?!
Jake: Pfft, he knows what it is!
Finn: Let's get him Jake! [As they bot walk to the castle, they are stopped by Lumpy Space Princess, who is backed by the other Princesses.]
Lumpy Space Princess: Stop! We're not gonna let you beat up the Nice King.
Finn: He's not the Nice King, he's the Ice King!
Lumpy Space Princess: We don't believe you!
Jake: Man, these ladies really wanna get married.
Finn: [Cringes] Jake, we can't beat up princesses!
Jake: Relax dude [Stretches ear] just get behind my ear shield.
Finn & Jake: [Plow through the princesses who are getting knocked to the side but not harmed. They enter the castle.]
Ice King: [Retreats to the top of the castle's room and runs towards window.] Wait, I can't fly!
Finn: Let me help ya! [Finn kicks Ice King in the face out the window.]
Jake: [Dives after them.]
Finn: [Reaches into his backpack and began to grab the hair.]
Ice King: N-no, wait!
Finn: Yaaaaaaa! [Begins to glue on the hair] Now fly, ya liar! [He is caught by Jake]
Ice King: Ugh! [Hits the ground.] Oh, eh? [He turns to see a group of confused princesses.] Ladies, ladies, heh heh, I can shave it off again, a-and when you get fat, I'll grow it back! Eh! [He turns to run as the princesses start to chase him. They beat him up together.]
Finn: Now that's what I call, a close shave!
Jake: [Face palms.] Awww, haa haa hoo.
[Adventure Time logo appears on the screen.]