Dr. Ice Cream: She's totally gross over 90% of her body. The other 10% is crazy nasty.
Nurse Poundcake: Will she make it, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream: (Gravely) I don't know, Nurse Poundcake. (They quickly pull her to the emergency room, a heart monitor bleeps.) Put sugar on 'er! Two scoops! (She and Nurse Poundcake each put two handfuls of sugar on her, but she starts flat-lining.) We're losing 'er!!
Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me, I will never forgive you! I'll be lost—lost in my own emotional labyri—
Finn: (Furiously punches him) YAAAAAH!!
Dr. Ice Cream: Wait, Finn!
Finn: (Scared) What!?
Dr. Ice Cream: Her sugar levels are stabilizing.
(Princess Bubblegum regains her normal body shape. Everyone starts cheering. "Yaaay! She's alright!")
Princess Bubblegum: (Drained) Yes, I'm fine. I just need to rest.
Ice King: (Crying) Oh, my wife! Is there anything weird about her? I can't see through these pain tears!
Dr. Ice Cream: She's fine. Why?
Ice King: It's just that... after Princess fell into the well, I saw something strange happen. Something I still don't understand. (Finn's Root Sword is hurled at Ice King.) Ooh—AGH! Wait! Listen to me!!
Finn: NO! Just shut your face, old man!
Ice King: "Old man?" Heh! What? I'm not old.
Jake: Uh, yeah, you are, dude.
(Everyone agrees with Jake. "You are pretty old." "Yes, you are." "You're old.")
Ice King: Old? I'm... I see. It's all making sense now. Brrrrapapo! (Blasts window with ice magic, shattering it) I'm going, Princess. I'm sorry if my skin grossed you out. Nobody wants to see this old skin, I guess. (Tearing up) Nobody in the world.
Finn: (With rage) JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!
Ice King: Peace.
(He makes a peace sign then exits while waving solemnly. Finn sighs.)
Finn: Sorry about that, Peebles.
Princess Bubblegum: The ice wizard is a weak fool....
Raggedy Princess: (Running in) Finn! Finn! The other princesses and I made you a new backpack!
Finn: Whoa, Raggedy Princess! It's so awesome! Thank you.
Raggedy Princess: (Blushes) You're welcome, Finn! (Giggles and runs off)
Jake: (To Princess Bubblegum.) You look like sick, grey meat, but we're gonna jack you up so awesome.
Finn: We should wheel 'er to her bedroom, right?
Jake: Yeah, man, and then we'll do magic tricks.
(Princess Bubblegum closes her eyes.)
Finn: Like fake magic?
Jake: Yeah, like (Jake's voice trails off as the screen turns black.) bruh bruh bruh, bruh...
(Scene shifts to Princess Bubblegum's bedroom.)
Finn and Jake: Princess... Princess... (Princess Bubblegum opens her eyes.) Surprise!
Finn: We picked every flower in the Candy Kingdom just for you! (The flowers lie in the room, piling half-way up the wall in some places.)
(She says nothing.)
Finn: Princess Bubblegum?
(She makes a strange guttural noise and irregularly bends her body.)
Jake: Oh, jeez!! (He hides behind Finn.) What's wrong with Princess Bubblegum?!
Finn: (whispering) Quiet, dude. We're supposed to take care of her, not make her feel bad!
Jake: I know, man, but she just seems... weird.
Finn: She's just messed up from the accident, man. We just have to take care of her 'til she feels better.
Jake: Uh... Okay, dude.
(They look at the bed and gasp; she's gone. Sounds are heard from the bathroom. They go there.)
Finn: Princess! Princess, no! You shouldn't be out of bed! (Finn picks her up and carries her back.) Princess... I... I gotta tell ya somethin'. Uh... Jake... (He nudges his head slightly to signal Jake to get out.)
Jake: Oh. Gotcha. I'll go get some tea! (He cuts his way through the pile of flowers and exits.)
Finn: Princess... this sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super messed up, but... it saved me. And I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing this sweater with the power of liking someone a lot. Because... I like you a lot. (Princess Bubblegum is looking at him.) (Finn blushes) Haha, uh... We shouldn't talk about this now. You should rest.
Princess Bubblegum: (Weakly) Finn... I need you to get me some things...
Finn: Yes, Princess.
Peppermint Butler: (Entering with Jake) Princess! I brought you some tea—(He gasps, dropping the tea and sees Princess Bubblegum talking to Finn. He hisses like a cat.)
Jake: Whoa... (Peppermint Butler runs away on all fours.) Uh... somethin' weird's goin' on...
Finn: (approaches Jake from behind.) Jake!
Jake: (Startled) AH!
Finn: I'm gonna get some stuff for PB. Be right back.
(Jake makes a worried noise. He turns and looks at the princess who is breathing deeply and creepily.)
Jake: (Somewhat scared) Hey... Princess... Sorry you're not feelin' good. (She says nothing and looks at him annoyed (still breathing deeply).) Oh! I'll sing you a song! You love it when I sing songs!
(Jake grabs a pink microphone and small speaker, and forms bongos on his stomach, beginning to sing his song. Princess Bubblegum is visibly annoyed and suddenly has a deeper voice. She growls and puts her hand in a bush, wilting every single flower in the room.)
Jake: Uh... (Princess Bubblegum convulses and yells gibberish.) Uh, this song's not that good. It's a bad one. I... I'm stoppin'. (She yells again.) ...And starting a new song! (Plays bongos) (Princess Bubblegum yells in utter agitation. Her bed begins jumping up and down. Suddenly, demonic flames engulf the room.) AAH... (Princess Bubblegum touches him)
Princess Bubblegum: (apparently melting.) Jake...
'Jake: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! (Flees room) OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB!! (To himself) Maybe the toxic waste did somethin' to her brain—made her have demon powers—or somethin! (Finn runs towards the bedroom door with paraphernalia in his arms.) Yo, dude! Wait! What's all that biz?!
Finn: Uh, bleach, lighter fluid, ammonia, gasoline, I dunno. Lady stuff. Plutonium...
(Princess Bubblegum exits the room.)
Jake: No, man... no... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Princess Bubblegum: (Grabbing ingredients) Thanks. (Goes back in)
Finn: No probs!
Jake: Wait! Hold on!
Finn: What's up?
Jake: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.
Finn: What?! Is she okay?!
Jake: (Whispering) She made it on fire.
Finn: With a match?
Jake: No, man. With her brain... I think... (Finn stares confused.) Look, man, I'll show you!
Finn: Jake, wh—
Jake: Shh!! (Jake carefully opens the door. The room is burnt to a crisp, and Princess Bubblegum is gone.) P-P-P-Princess...?
Finn: (Pointing to bathroom) Over there! (They go in front of the door. Finn knocks.) PB? You in there?
Princess Bubblegum: (Threateningly) I'm busy!
Finn: See? It's fine. She's just havin' private time.
Jake: I'm lookin' in! (Looks through keyhole)
Finn: JAKE, WHAT THE HEY?!
Jake: Oh, my glob!
Finn: (blushing.) Come on, man, that's pervy!
Jake: You don't even know, man.
Jake: Look! (Jake forces Finn to look through the keyhole.) See it!
(Princess Bubblegum's skin is now black, and her shape has changed tremendously. She's putting the ingredients from before into the tub and drinking it.)
Finn: Hold on, Peebles! (He smashes down the door.) PRINCESS! (She grows bigger as she drinks the chemicals. She then picks up the whole bath tub and drinks deeply.) AAH! PUT DOWN THE TUB!
(She throws it down and knocks Finn and Jake through a wall. Ice King is revealed to have been listening in. Princess Bubblegum smashes her way out of the castle.)
Gumball Guardian: Evil presence detected!! (Grapples with monster Princess Bubblegum) Must defend!!
(Back at the Candy Castle)
Ice King: (poking Finn's face.) Hey, Finn, are you dead or what?
Finn: (Waking up) Whaaah?... Ice King? What are you doing here?
Ice King: Hey. I had to keep an eye on the princess because she's being possessed by the Lich.
Finn: (Grunts) You don't know that.
Ice King: But I do. I saw it with my wizard eyes! (Scene changes to the well.) In the well, I saw something come out of the Lich and go into the princess. But I wasn't sure it was real (scene returns to normal.) because when you have stanky old wizard eyes, sometimes you see things that are real, and other times it's like crazy crazy crazy in your face all the time! (Strange creatures dance around Finn and Jake in the Ice King's vision. He sighs) (To himself) All the time... (To the duo) Guys, let me help you. I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.
Finn: Listen, you old poot. I'm not going to let you kill 'er twice. GET STUFFED. Come on, Jake.
(Ice King groans in sadness as they exit.)
Finn: We're coming, Princess!
Jake: Dude! I think we should let the Ice King help! He can freeze her, which could buy us some t—
Finn: Dump that mess! I'mma set 'er free with my like-like sweater!
Jake: Woooh, do it! (Propels Finn towards her with his hind end.)
Finn: (while hurtling through the air.) I like you, Princess!!
(Princess Bubblegum punches Finn, who screams.)
(Finn is knocked back to the castle, next to a forlorn Ice King.)
Finn: Urrgh... (To himself) Liking her... didn't work. She's unstoppable... unless... (He sees her stomping on Jake's head and sighs.) (Reluctantly) Ice King, I... I need you to freeze Princess Bubblegum. Will you help me?
Ice King: (Gasps) Are you suuuuure?
Finn: (Annoyed) Yes.
Ice King: Great! Weeee! (Laughs and grabs Finn before exiting)
(They fly towards her.)
Finn: I'll distract 'er up top, you freeze 'er legs!
Ice King: (Throwing Finn) Wah!
Finn: I'M A CAT! I'M AN AGILE CAT! JAKE! DUCK! (Jake retracts his body and falls to the ground. Finn grabs Princess Bubblegum's hair and covers her face with it.) MEOW, ICE KING! (Ice King grunts as he freezes the monstrosity with visible difficulty. A bird brings Finn down to the ground before he's frozen.) Thanks, bird!
(The Candy People gather around and cheer.)
Ice King: Yeah! Whoopie!
Finn: You did good, Ice King.
Ice King: Oh, yeah?
Finn: Yeah, man.
(Suddenly, Princess Bubblegum topples over and her body is totally shattered. Finn looks at Jake, who both have a look of utter and total shock and horror.)
Ice King: Okay. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?
Gumball Guardian: (shattered.) Duuuude...
Finn: We gotta get 'er to the hospital!
(Scene shifts back to the hospital.)
Dr. Ice Cream: Start assembling! Here, try to connect these two pieces! (The pieces don't connect.) Turn it... (The wads of gum stick.) Perfect. (The wad of gum is put on Princess Bubblegum's head to make a piece of her hair.) Give me more pieces, Dr. Princess!
Dr. Princess: That's all we have, Dr. Ice Cream!
Dr. Ice Cream: What?! That can't be!
Nurse Poundcake: (Gasps) What do we do, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream: (sighing) ...I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.
(Outside the emergency room, everyone is chattering.)
Finn: I hope she's okay...
Nurse Poundcake: Attention, everyone...
Finn: (In desperation) IS PB OKAY?!?
Nurse Poundcake: Yes... but there were some complications.
Nurse Poundcake: Yes... I'm afraid... there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now...... younger. (A young Princess Bubblegum steps out of the emergency room. Everyone gasps, astonished.) She's 13 years old now.
Ice King: Aw, dang it! Well, I'm outta here. Goodbye, everyone. (Exits)
Finn: 13 years old? That's how old I am. (Princess Bubblegum smiles at Finn. He blushes.) Uh...
Jake: (Amused) Whoa...
(She walks up to him.)
Princess Bubblegum: (Embracing him) Give me a hug, hero.
(Everyone cheers. Finn embraces her. Suddenly the camera pans menacingly past the crowd and reveals the waving snail—possessed by the Lich. The story ends.)