Colonel Candy Corn
Nurse Pound Cake
Colonel Candy Corn
Nurse Pound Cake
This transcript is complete.
- [The episode opens in the Candy Kingdom at night, the crickets are chirping, Kenneth is seen running into an alley and going into a door]
- Kenneth: Uhh, hello? Hi. Uh, is this the secret mee—[shows a guy sitting on a toilet & reading a magazine]
- Candy Person: What errand? What haste?
- Kenneth: Uh. Oh, shoot. Oh! "To beelzebub with the brewer's knave!" [the candy person hits a green button, which opens a door behind a urinal, Kenneth goes through it]
- Starchie: Ahh, Kenneth.
- Kenneth: Hey, Starchie.
- Starchie: Glad you could make it. I officially call this meeting of the veritas brigade to order. [closes his eyes] Lux in tenebris.
- Starchie: [opens his eyes] So, anybody have weird stuff to report?
- Nurse Pound Cake: Well, sometimes at night, I see a shadowy figure around Princess Bubblegum's tower. I have a feeling it might be otherworldly!
- Starchie: Whoa, this is some good stuff. We are this close to finally exposing the princess' shady dealings. [shows Princess Bubblegum watching the meeting on a camera while eating] Meanwhile, PB remains blissfully unaware up in her ivory tower. [Princess Bubblegum snorts and laughs]
- Kenneth: Excuse me. I believe I've made a startling discovery of my own. [takes a machine out of his jacket pocket with a pickle taped to it] I've developed this high-tech device. It broadcasts waves that—theoretically—disrupt parallel dimensions!
- Starchie: Whoa, Kenny boy, you're blowing my mind. [Kenneth chuckles, then an evil chuckle is heard]
- Peace Master: So...a tinkerer, eh? Fiddling at the fringes of unknown realms. Tell me, Kenneth, will you be ready when the flames of those evil places consume everything you hold dear?! [goes to Kenneth and hits the device out of his hand] I thought not!
- Starchie: Hey, Peace Master. [gets hit in the face with Kenneth's device and falls backwards] Ohh! [Nurse Pound Cake gasps] Oh! My noodle.
- Peace Master: There is something very wrong dwelling in the Candy Kingdom...a dark entity I plan to purge from the face of Ooo.
- Princess Bubblegum: [shows her watching the meeting] Oh! Uh oh!
- Peace Master: Its presence has infected every home, every place of business, even here in this very room. [shows the Banana Guard sweating, his fake nose and mustache starts to fall off and he fixes it] Yes, this foul creature watches us even..[breaks the light and takes out a security camera] Now! [everyone gasps, Peace Master looks at the camera] I know you can hear me. Tonight your reign ends. [shows Princess Bubblegum watching him on the camera] 'Cause I am totally gonna vanquish you! [the recording ends]
- Princess Bubblegum: Whoa! Holy flippin' flap! Red alert! [flips a switch, making the alarms go off] Pep But, start brewing up some chamomile tea so I don't stress out! [Peppermint Butler goes to make the tea]
- Peace Master: [growls] Sorry, I hate evil so much.
- Starchie: It's all cool, Peace Master. Truth sleuths keep it real.
- Peace Master: Yes. As lone scouts, we may fall, but together we will stand as a mighty force! [a device beeps, he takes it out of his pocket] Oh, dang. I gotta go. [starts to run to a window] But I shall return in one hour! [runs out the window]
- Starchie: Alright, Peace Master. We'll be ready. [takes a bite of the pickle on Kenneth's device] Mm. Dill-icious!
- Peace Master: [shows Peace Master running and singing] Dun-de-dun-dun-dun, Peace Master! Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
- Peace Master's Daughter: Finally.
- Peace Master: Uh, sorry about the wait, guys. Daddy was pontificating.
- Peace Master's Daughter: [they start to drive off] Hey, Dad, can we go to the Sorcery and Dark Arts fair tomorrow?
- Peace Master: No, honey, that stuff is highly inappropriate for kids. Daddy works very hard to protect you guys from that kind of stuff. If you only knew of the monstrosities that lurk around every corner.
- Peace Master's Son: [throws a shoe at Peace Master] Dark Arts!
- Peace Master: [his children laugh, he groans] Stop laughing! You're stressing daddy out! [his baby vomits on him, causing him to crash into a building] See?! See what happens when you mess with the dark arts? [kicks the bumper of his car] I'll get you, dark one! You wrecked Peace Master's minivan! [growls and drives off, shows Peppermint Butler mad and walks off]
- Princess Bubblegum: [running to a room, panting, Colonel Candy Corn and the Banana Guard are sleeping and snoring] Yo! Red alert! [the Banana Guard says "Oh, shoot"] Right, guys? What'cha doin' about it?!
- Colonel Candy Corn: Whoa, be careful about old man naptime, please. That could have been it for me just now.
- Princess Bubblegum: What is going on here? [shows three other banana guards playing with a miniature set of land]
- Banana Guard: Don't. [covers part of the set] No! [looks at another banana guard] Hey, watch your pieces, man.
- Princess Bubblegum: [sighs] I thought you were gonna whip these guys into shape, Colonel.
- Colonel Candy Corn: PB, you can't teach a butterfly to bark. You know what I'm saying? [shows two banana guards playing with pieces of the set] Well, they like my stories. They're good listeners. It ain't like them old days with those hard-nosed Rattleball boys. [shows Colonel Candy Corn] Say, what happened to them Rattleball boys?
- Princess Bubblegum: [chuckles] Okay, you guys. Keep up the good work. [walks out of the room backwards, shows Peppermint Butler going through a door then another one, Princess Bubblegum goes through the first door then to a phone and dial's Finn and Jake's phone, the phone rings a few times]
- Finn: [they come out of the tub and gasp for air] What was your count?
- Jake: Uh, 3 minutes. What about you?
- Finn: Uh, 3 minutes, 30 seconds.
- Jake: What's that? Your invisible watch?
- Finn: No, I was just pointing at my wrist.
- Rattleballs: [comes out of the water and gasps for air] 57 seconds.
- Jake: Oh, dang, we were both counting fast.
- Finn: Hey, Rattleballs, are you sure you're waterproof?
- Rattleballs: No.
- Jake: Do you even need to breathe, Rattleballs?
- Rattleballs: Continue training. 3, 2, 1...[they all go under water again]
- Princess Bubblegum: [goes back to Princess Bubblegum, she pushes a swivel chair to the door and grunts and walks to the other door] Hey, Peps, where's the tea?!
- Peppermint Butler: [shows him meditating in the room with candles lit] Uh, just a second.
- Princess Bubblegum: Just leave it out for me. I'm gonna go find Finn or Rattleballs or somebody to run down this Peace Master bozo. [Peppermint Butler says "Okay, take your time."] "Take my time"? Alright.
- Peppermint Butler: Ooh-wah, oooh-wah. My light will move in darkness. I go unseen by low level biddies. [chants an incantation, shows him changing and getting armor put on] Whah-ha! [his fire sword opens] Yes! Light of the hermit, reveal my nemesis, and in the folds of Horus, carry me in haste! Fold, I say! [it folds and shows Peace Master, Peppermint Butler runs towards him] Yaaaah!
- Peace Master: [carrying his baby in a wrap] You going stinkhouse, baby? Ooh. [turns to Peppermint Butler] Whomp! Almost got me, but my lucky talisman sensed your presence.
- Peppermint Butler: [blows the paper off his face] Haha! [they fight, Peace Master takes his fire sword and burns his armor off]
- Peace Master: [the background changes back to the Candy Kingdom] Look here, friends. The beast lies exposed!
- Starchie: [Peppermint Butler stands up] Oh, this is a mistake. That's my boy, Peppermint Butler.
- Peace Master: His powers of darkness made me go crazy and crash my minivan earlier!
- Peppermint Butler: You need to chill, Peace Master. I'm just a harmless, old butler. [lifts his pant leg up a bit, revealing something shining]
- Peace Master: Mm? [Peppermint Butler takes a little sword out of his sock and charges at Peace Master, his baby barfs on Peppermint Butler] Ha ha! [takes his hat off and covers Peppermint Butler with it] In you go! You see this?! My dark wizard gobbler poots evil souls into the void.
- Starchie: You can't do that to our friend!
- Peace Master: Oh. I see how it is. Maybe y'all should get in here, too. [they all scream and run off, shows Peppermint Butler floating in a green slime and gurgling, saying "My candy flesh!" Peace Master swings his hat in a circle] Digest! [laughs evilly]
- Kenneth: [takes out his device, hits the button, turns the knob, and rubs the pickle] Dimension disruptor, come on! Please, please, please, please! [the device beeps, Peace Master's hat starts glowing] Yes!
- Peace Master: [drops his hat, Peppermint Butler crawls out from under it] Impossible!
- Peppermint Butler: [coughs and gasps for air] Time-out.
- Peace Master: You can't time-ou—
- Peppermint Butler: [throws something on the ground] Whazaa! Whoop! [black smoke appears and Peppermint Butler disappears into it]
- Peace Master: No! Your dirty hobo birthday tricks won't save you long time! You hear?! You still here?
- Peppermint Butler: [voice-over] Uh, no? I-I don't know. No.
- Peace Master: Then hear my challenge! On the field of wizard battles, armed in my talismans of light, I will destroy you and free my children from the spell you cast over their minds!
- Peppermint Butler: [backs away] I accept!
- Peace Master: See you tomorrow, butler. [picks his hat up and puts it back on]
- Peppermint Butler: See you tomorrow, momo.
- Peace Master: [growls] Tomorrow! [scene changes to the next day, on the field of Wizard Battle] Peppermint Burfer, show yourself!
- Peppermint Butler: [the ground rumbles, a creature comes out of it and shows black smoke, Peppermint Butler comes out of it] Yeah, yeah, I'm here...momo.
- Peace Master: You're the momo. Your spells are no match for my righteous charm sack. [Peppermint Butler opens his cape]
- Peace Master's Son: Dark arts!
- Peace Master: My kids!
- Peppermint Butler: You like hunting monsters, do you? [lifts up Peace Master's son] Lords of the Nightosphere, he must pay a penalty. [Peace Master's son gets covered in gold crystals] Transfigure this babe into a super-weirdie! [the gold crystals crack, showing Peace Master's son in a different body shape]
- Peace Master's Son: Ha!
- Peace Master: Noooo!
- Peppermint Butler: Bam! [throws Peace Master's son into the air] Now you got a monster kid.
- Peace Master: Son!
- Peace Master's Son: [flying through the air] Look, Pappy! Dark magic!
- Peppermint Butler: Remember, you still got two non-monster kids. And if you want to keep them that way, you better toss all your charms down the hole!
- Peace Master: [turns around] I will smite thee.
- Peppermint Butler: A'ight. [turns Peace Master's daughter into a fairy-like creature with wings, a tail, and a horn]
- Peace Master's Daughter: Whoa, sweet!
- Peace Master: Nooo! [cries] Alright, alright. Okay, you win. [throws his charms down the hole]
- Peppermint Butler: One more thing. Show us your underwear.
- Peace Master: You fiend. [his underwear showing, his son laughs]
- Peppermint Butler: Now, um, uh, walk around like a big chicken.
- Peace Master: [walks like a chicken, clucks]
- Peppermint Butler: [Peace Master's kids laugh] Now eat some dirt off the ground.
- Peace Master: [lying on the ground] Please don't make me.
- Peppermint Butler: 'Ey! You want three demon babies?!
- Peace Master: [picks some dirt up and eats it]
- Peppermint Butler: Okay, stop. I took it too far. [Peace Master spits the dirt out] We're done here. R-Run along, children. [throws Peace Master's baby to him, his 2 other kids go to him and hug him]
- Peace Master's Son: Dada, can I go to the park and eat flies?
- Peace Master: [sniffles] Yes? [scene changes to him closing the door of his minivan, he gets in his van and drives away, shows Peppermint Butler walking away, the camera zooms out]
- Colonel Candy Corn: [voice-over] Princess, I think I got something on camera 206! [the camera shows a snail licking a plant] Just look at that sicko.
- Princess Bubblegum: [looking at a different monitor] Where's Peace Master?! Gah, I am freaking out here!
- Peppermint Butler: [Peppermint Butler walks in with a tray with tea on it] Princess, your chamomile tea.
- Princess Bubblegum: Whff! Thanks. [drinks the tea]
- Colonel Candy Corn: [talking quietly] Well, how do I check my e-mails on this?