This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "No One Can Hear You" from season 3, which aired on November 14, 2011.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins in the Candy Kingdom with a stag licking Starchie.]
Starchie: Ahh! Get it off!
Finn: We're coming!
Princess Bubblegum: Be careful!
[The stag continues to jump on Candy People and lick them. Jake and Finn pursue him.]
Finn: Grab him, Jake!
[Finn and Jake grab on to the stag. The stag panics and runs away, throwing Jake off.]
Finn: Jake! W-whoa!
[The stag throws Finn on the ground and stomps on his legs, breaking them.]
Finn: Whatever. [Gets thrown by the deer. Finn hits a building, and then the screen blacks out.]
[He awakens in a hospital bed.]
Finn: Oh, what happened? Where's the deer? Paging Dr. Ice cream! Dr. Ice cream cream for my mouth! [sees his legs in a cast] Ahh, dude, I broke my stems! Hello? Jake? Princess? What the blizz. Come on, people.
[Climbs into a wheelchair and wheels himself outside.] Yo, is everyone at church? Worshiping Glob? [Leans back on wheelchair] Whoop!Skills! Skills! [hears clattering] Huh? Bazoobs. [wheels over to the source of the noise] Jake?
Jake: Huh? Oh, Finn, you're awake!
Finn: Yeah, I'm awake, but my jams are all busted.
Jake: Right. Yeah, I saw that.
Finn: So, what happened? Did you save everybody?
Jake: Oh, yeah, I think so. Maybe.
Finn: So, Jake, there's nobody here. Did you notice that?
Jake: Yeah, pretty freaky. [pulls back his hood, revealing his head is bandaged] Don't worry—ouch— [touches his head] they're all hiding.
Finn: From what?
Jake: From me!
Finn: What?!
Jake: It's my birthday, man! Lady Rainicorn put together a elaborate surprise party.
Finn: She told you?
Jake: No, but I know Lady Rainicorn. Ouch! [feels his head] This is totally something she would do. Think about it.
Finn: Oh, yeah, okay. So, wait, the whole kingdom is in on it?
Jake: Yes, and they'll only come out if they think we'll be surprised. So we got to act like we're totally unaware, okay?
Finn: Okay, man, and how do we do that?
Jake: Just do what I'm doing. [Jake dives into the trash pile, and then resurfaces.] Oh, look at me, living free without a suspicion in the world. Never in my wildest dreams would I guess someone was plannin' a surprise birthday party for me! [Jake wraps himself in some Christmas lights from the trash, and Finn laughs.] Pretty tricky, right? [comes out of the trash] Come on, let's go back to the hut.
Finn: The what?
Jake: Come on, come on! [motions Finn to come with him]
[Scene changes to Finn and Jake going towards a small hut while Jake sings Hobo Dreams.]
Finn: Whoa. When did you find time to build this?
Jake: I don't know. It didn't take long. [decorates hut with Christmas lights]
Finn: Hm. So, what should I do now?
Jake: Collect branches for the hobo fire, dude.
Finn: Okay. [wheels himself away]
Jake: [feels head] Ouchies.
Finn: A hobo fi-ya, fi-ya, fi-ya. [loudly] Boy, it sure is quiet around here! Uh-huh! I'd probably pee all over myself if somebody jumped out and surprised me! [sniffs his armpit] Oh, ugh! I stink! How long was I out for? A day or two? [sees a fountain] Huh. What a convenient place to bathe. [loudly] Sure seems like a good time to come out if y'all are just hiding and you don't, you know, wanna see me [takes off shirt and hat] pop my top! [leaves wheel chair and gets in the fountain] Ahh, yeah, that's fresh. I nobody's gonna jump out of the bushes and peeps my bod! [laughs] [shakes his head] Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl! Hmmm.
[Scene changes back to camp, where it is nighttime. Finn and Jake are roasting hot dogs.]
Jake: Just gotta char off the rotten parts—good as new, man! Stay vigilant. Eat your protein.
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Hmm?
Finn: I'm starting to question your theory about the surprise party.
Jake: [drops hot dog] Shhh! [hushed] Don't talk so loud! They might hear you!
Finn: [hushed] But what if they're in trouble? [bites a hot dog] What if something happened to them? We should try looking around.
Jake: Noooo! [grows huge] You'll ruin my surprise party! Oww! [holds head] [groans] [goes back inside hut]
Finn: Dude, are you okay?
Jake: Just promise me, Finn. Promise not to look around.
Finn: [sighs] Okay, I promise.
Jake: [mumbling] birthday's gonna be rad.
[The stag returns.]
Finn: Hey, it's you! [points] Thanks for breaking my legs, ya dumb-butt!
[The stag licks himself, sniffs the air, and runs away. Finn hears some whispering coming from a nearby manhole. He wheels himself over to it and listens.]
Finn: That sounds like Candy People!
[Inside the hut, Jake is sleeping. Finn pokes him with a stick.]
Finn: Jake. Jake!
Jake: [moans] What?
Finn: I heard a sound coming from the sewer! We should check it out.
Jake: No, man, they'll surprise party me when they're ready. Be patient.
Finn: [groans] I'm being patient! I waited all day, Jake!
Jake: Well, I've been waiting six months!
["Six months" repeats as the camera slowly zooms in on Finn's terrified face.]
Finn: Wait, what are you saying?
Jake: [yawning] [a bug crawls out of his ear] Everything's gonna be fine, even if we have to wait forever.
Finn: Have I been asleep for six months?!
Jake: Yeah, but don't worry about it, man.
[A dozen bugs crawl out from underneath his ear and crawl around his body.]
Finn: [thinking] Face it, Finn, your best friend is gone. [backs away]
Jake: Hmm? Finn?
Finn: [hurriedly wheeling himself toward the manhole] [panting]
Jake: Noooo! Don't ruin the surprise!
[Jake runs after Finn, grabs his wheelchair, and sticks his arm into the spokes of the wheel, destroying the chair and flinging Finn forward.]
Jake: [stomping on the remains of the chair] Rah! Ah! Ah! [pants heavily] [sees Finn crawling toward the manhole] Noooo! [stretches his arm to grab him and picks him up]
Finn: Oh, my Glob!
[The screen goes black and Finn wakes up.]
Finn: [groans]
[He is tied to a pole, and Jake is tied to a bunch of balloons, weighed down by two cinder blocks.]
Jake: Surprise! [reveals marionettes made from trash] "Happy birthday, Jake!" Ow! [touches head]
Finn: [hears whispering again] Hey, Jake! What are you doin'?
Jake: This is how my party's gonna go down. Shake it, my friends. [bounces marionettes] Hey! Hey! Sure is great seeing y'all here. Really makes me think. Ow. [touches head] [holds up a sock puppet] Lady, did you get extra TP for all the potty people? [as Lady] No. [normal voice] Well, we might have some party poopers here, and I want to be sure they don't wipe their buns on my cake.
Finn: Can I join your puppet party? We'll have twice the puppet voices!
Jake: You won't run away?
Finn: Naw, man, I'm with you. Happy birthday, Jake. Really.
Jake: Finn! Glad I can untie you, buddy. [unties rope] Check it out! Finn finally made it to my party!
Finn: And I have a surprise for you! Close your eyes and don't open 'em until I tell you. [pulls the hut's roof down on top of Jake and waddles toward the manhole] [pants heavily]
Jake: Finn? You lied to me?
[Finn's cast starts cracking.]
Finn: Yeee-ow! [the cast crumbles mostly away and he runs faster]
Jake: [chasing him] What about my party? Don't go! Finn!
Finn: Whup! [dives into manhole and lands in water]
[Jake follows, as Finn leaves the water and walks toward the voices.]
Finn: Hello?
[He opens a door and walks into a room with a sticky caramel-colored substance covering the walls and a whirlpool in the middle of the room. A bit of the substance drips on his forehead. He looks up, seeing Candy People stuck to the walls.]
Finn: [gasps]
[The Candy People whisper and moan.]
Princess Bubblegum: Finn...
Jake: Surprise! Surprise!
Finn: You... you did this?
Jake: I did this? Ow. [touches head] They've been waiting for me, Finn, for my b-day!
Finn: Stop being crazy!
Jake: [babbles]
[Finn punches him, knocking him against the wall.]
Jake: Oof. Yoo-a-hee! I'm a woman! I'm a woman!
Finn: Mah! [punches him twice]
Jake: Ring, ring! [as a woman] Eh, hang on, deary. [stretches a phone out of his arm] Hello? [as a man] Baby, I told you never to call me here!
[Finn punches him in the head.]
Jake: Wha... what happened?
Finn: A deer skronked your head and you lost your mind, man! You imprisoned the Candy People for your own sick birthday fantasy. Look. [gestures to Candy People]
Jake: What? No. It's not even close to my b-day! [takes Peppermint Butler down from the wall] I'm so sorry.
Peppermint Butler: [weakly] You... you did not do this, Jake.
Finn & Jake: Wha—?!
Finn: Then who did?
Peppermint Butler: It... was... him. [points to the stag]
[The stag stands on his hind legs and walks toward them.]
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
[The stag takes off its fake hooves, revealing fingers, which he wiggles.]
Jake: Freak deer! [drops Peppermint Butler]
[The stag picks up Peppermint Butler.]
Peppermint Butler: [screams]
[The stag licks him and sticks him back on the wall.]
Finn: Grrrr! Jake, you free the Candy People. I'll take on the deer. Naw-hyah! [punches stag]
[The stag picks up Finn and licks his face. They continue fighting as Jake frees the Candy People.]
Princess Bubblegum: [weakly] Thank you.
[Jake climbs up to free more as the stag punches Finn below him.]
Jake: [gasps] [prepares to untie a cinder block] Finn!
Finn: Huh? [looks up to see the cinder block falling] Donk! [jumps off the stag]
[The cinder block lands square on the stag's head. The second block falls after it, squishing the stag's head and knocking it out. The Candy People push the stag into the whirlpool.]
Candy People: [cheer]
Finn & Jake: [high-five] Nice!
Jake: We did it, dude!
Finn: How's your noggin?
Jake: Not crazy anymore! How's your legs?
Finn: Hmm, still broken. [laughs]
Jake: [laughs]
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you for saving my kingdom, boys. The deer wanted our sugar, but I didn't give him any, if you know what I mean. [clicks tongue]
Finn: [pause] Um... pyew! It's stanky in here!
Jake: Yeah, like bad breath and eggs.
Finn: Let's go home so we can get baths.
[The Candy People cheer as they form a chain holding onto Jake's legs, who floats out of the manhole.]
Candy Person: I wanna get clean!

Episode ends