This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Ocarina" from season 6, which aired on July 17, 2014.

Tree Fort
This transcript is complete.


[Newborn birds are chirping in their nest as the father bird reads a newspaper with his back turned. The babies fall out. The camera pans down the tree past banners saying "HAPPY BIRTHDAY," "CHARLIE," "VIOLA," "JAKE JR.," "T.V.," and "KIM KIL WHAN." At the base of the tree is T.V., typing on his laptop, with the baby birds on his head.]
T.V.: Ugh. I'm covered in noobs.
[T.V. shakes the birds off his head, closes his laptop, and walks back to his family.]
Lady Rainicorn: T.V., 잘 지내니? (How are you?)
T.V.: [groans] I've got hunger cranks.
Viola: Hmm? Oh, yes. That's very [bats Charlie's hair] interesting.
T.V.: Kim Kil Whan. [steps over him]
Kim Kil Whan: Hm.
[T.V. sits on a blanket by Jake Jr., who is playing her guitar. He opens his laptop and continues typing.]
T.V.: Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraahh! [closes laptop] Mom, when are we gonna eat?! I'm going nuts!
Lady Rainicorn: T.V., 말조심해! (Watch your mouth!)
Jake Jr.: Seriously, Mom, Dad's already three hours late with the food!
Viola: You hush, Junior. You know Dad's a wonderful cook.
Jake Jr.: Viola, when's the last time you even heard from Dad?
Viola: Oh, you know. Dad is... distractible.
Jake Jr.: [laughs] "Distractible"!
T.V.: Yeah, I love Dad and everything, but he's only ever met me twice.
Lady Rainicorn: Charlie, Viola, T.V., Jake Jr., Kim Kil Whan, 제발! 너네 아빠가 너를 얼마나 보고 싶어하는데. (Please! Your dad really wants to see you.) [gasps]
[She looks up to see Finn and Jake falling from the sky. Jake crash lands, gouging a trail in the grass.]
Finn & Jake: [laugh] Whoo!
Finn: Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah! We're real late! Happy birthday, puppies! Okay, so, putting it out there—I didn't remember to bring you guys any birthday presents, but I did bring lunch! [takes out a wad of macaroni and sets it on the ground] It's macaroni salad.
Viola: Dad, you're beautiful!
Kim Kil Whan: Dad! We have new business to discuss.
Jake: Happy birthday, Kim Kil Whan.
Kim Kil Whan: Birthdays are old business. [teleports Jake next to him]
Jake: Whoa, neat. Um, well, how are things going, Son?
Kim Kil Whan: "Things"? "Things" have switched hands.
Jake: Heh. [gives thumbs up] I get it.
Kim Kil Whan: Dad, when I say that things have switched hands, I mean to say that things you have previously claimed ownership of have transferred from your hands to my hands, in that... [conjures a briefcase containing a deed] I bought your tree house.
Jake: What?!
Kim Kil Whan: What: the deed to your tree house. How: acquired through legal trade. From whom: the deed's previous owner, Marceline The Vampire Queen... [conjures Marceline] in exchange for one lunatic bass.
[Marceline plays her new four-necked bass and disappears.]
Kim Kil Whan: When: effective immediately.
Jake: But, Son, why?
Kim Kil Whan: We will convene at the property.
[Kim Kil Whan uses his powers to teleport Finn and Jake to the Tree Fort. On the door is a sign: "SUITES FOR RENT. INQUIRE OUTWARDLY."
Jake: [groans]
[Kim Kil Whan appears next to them.]
Kim Kil Whan: Sorry I'm late. Okay. So, as the deed holder of this tree house, I am now your landlord. The first thing [takes out cellphone] I'm going to have to do is assess your treasure room. [closes cellphone]
Jake: But, Son, I'm your pop. [crawls to Kim Kil Whan] What would your mother say, doing this to your poor pip-pop?
Kim Kil Whan: I'm sorry, Dad. Deeds don't bleed. [pushes Jake over]
Jake: Okay, Son, get ready to be glitter-stunned by all this treasu—oh, yeah. We spent all of it. All we have left are these vintage photos I got at the flea market. They're interesting!
Kim Kil Whan: Woof. [stuffs photos in his jacket] Alright, so I guess this is the apartment the two of you can afford. It's a ladder. [cellphone rings; he answers it] Yeah? Yeah. Send them on over. [hangs up] Sorry about that. [clears throat] Anyway, as you can see, this beauty offers direct first- and second-floor access, superb craftsmanship, and et cetera. I... suppose you're familiar. Yes, Finn?
Finn: Yeah, uh, when do we get our house back?
Kim Kil Whan: What?
[Someone knocks on the door.]
Kim Kil Whan: Excuse me. [opens door] Good afternoon. Yes, right this way. [tenants walk in] I've got 37 available units to show in this building, so we're gonna want to get right to it. Please step inside. There we go. Is that everyone? Good, good. Please make your way upstairs, and we'll begin the tour. And, you two, go ahead and make yourselves at home. Rent's due on the 1st. No overnight guests. Oh, and flush once after you boom-boom but before you start using the TP, and then once more in the middle of using the TP if you're going to use a lot. It's... easier on the pipes. Okay, call me if you need me. [floats upstairs]
[That night, Finn and Jake are sitting on the ladder.]
Jake: [groans]
Finn: [sighs]
Jake: Hey, Finn, I'm real sorry about this. Somehow, I feel like it's kind of my fault.
Finn: Nah, man. It's really not so bad. Let's just sleep on it tonight. [lies down on the ladder]
Jake: You're gonna sleep like that?
Finn: Yeah, man. It's tough. I'm a tough kid.
Jake: [sighs] [shrinks and shapeshifts into a bed] I promise I'll work this thi—[screams]
[Someone steps on him and then Finn.]
Long-legged tenant: Gee, but it's great to be back home, eh, Mr. B?
Mr. B: Ah, yeah. I can't wait to wash my gross, fat butt. [drags droopy buttocks over Finn's face]
Finn: [stands up] Ugh! [screams]
[Finn climbs the ladder, passes some sleeping tenants, and enters the bathroom. He rubs soap on his face. Crouching beside the toilet is a small tenant on his phone.]
Gnome tenant: Oh, oh, holy cow. Oh! Oh, boy, please hurry. Yes, he's inside my apartment right now. Oh, I'm so scared.
Jake: Hey, buddy, you okay?
Gnome tenant: Glob, now there's two of 'em!
Jake: I just feel like if we're patient, this whole thing will work itself out before you know it.
[A siren wails outside. Police lights flash.]
Jake: [laughs] See, man? Help is on the way.
[In the Candy Kingdom jail, Finn and Jake are sitting on a bench, with their wrists locked in handcuffs.]
Finn: Man, can I tell you something? I don't even know what's going on, here. I mean, like, what the heck is a deed? How come he can buy our house when it's our house and Marceline gave it to us and we live there?! A-and now we're arrested? This is crazy! [to Banana Guard] It's crazy!!
Jake: Man, don't you know? The laws ain't made to help earthy cats like us.
Finn: They're not?
Jake: Nah, man. Listen. Here on our planet, back in the old days—back in the real old days—it was just every man for hisself, scrooblin' and scrat-scrobblin' for the good stuff, the greenest valleys, and scrat-scrobblin'. And the strongest, meanest men got the best stuff. They got the green valleys and were like, "The rest of you, y'all scrats get sand." And that's when they made the laws, you see. Once the strong guys got it how they like it, they said, "This is fair now. This is the law." Once they were winning, they changed the rules up.
Finn: Whoa, just like Kim Kil Whan.
Banana Guard: Hey, good news, fellas. You bail's paid. You're free to go. [unlocks handcuffs]
Jake: [laughs] That's awesome!
Finn: Yeah! Awesome!
Kim Kil Whan: Yeah, real "awesome."
Jake: Hey, Kim Kil Whan! Aw, buddy, I knew you'd come around. [laughs] Fathers and sons, man. That's that real thick chowder. [laughs] [takes slip from Kim Kil Whan] What's this?
Kim Kil Whan: This is a bill for the bail I just paid.
Jake: Ooh.
Kim Kil Whan: You're really in it deep, here, Dad. It's time for you to get real. Get a job. No more games.
Jake: Come on, Son, just let me do the... [Kim Kil Whan teleports away] lah blah blah blah blah.
[Finn and Jake are now walking through the Cotton Candy Forest.]
Jake: [sighs] Man, where did I go wrong?
Finn: I don't know, but I'm not tryin' to be sleepin' on a ladder anymore, so let's just get a bunch of scroot together and buy our house back. Then you two can hash it out later.
Jake: Yeah, you're right. So, wanna rob a bank or somethin'?
Finn: Well, actually, I was thinking maybe Kim Kil Whan was right. Maybe we should get jobs or somethin'.
Jake: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, wait! I just remembered I buried a ton of gold in the front yard!
Finn: [pumps fist] Yes!
[Back at the Tree Fort, Kim Kil Whan is talking to one of his tenants.]
Kim Kil Whan: Oh, yes, yes, absolutely. Small pets are allowed with an additional deposit.
[A dog emerges from the tenant's belly.]
Dog: [barks]
Kim Kil Whan: Excellent. [looks out window]
[Jake is digging a hole and flinging dirt in Finn's face.]
Finn: [laughs] Watch it!
Kim Kil Whan: Excuse me. [teleports outside]
Jake: Almost got it.
Kim Kil Whan: [clears throat]
Jake: Hey, Son. I'm glad you're here.
Finn: Bad news, ya scrat! We're buying our house back!
Kim Kil Whan: Oh, yeah? With what?
Jake: With this! [pulls out a giant gold bone]
Finn: Yeah!
Kim Kil Whan: Oh, I see. With the gold you dug out of my lawn, which is therefore mine. [teleports the bone away] Now, since I have a job, I must be going. Ciao. [teleports away, then back again] And fill in that hole. [teleports]
Finn: I'm gonna be frank, here. Your son's a real-time jingle-blaster.
Jake: I know, I know. Kim Kil Whan's a real out-loud flim-flammer, and that's okay, I guess, but why, why, would he do this to his pip-plop-plop?
Finn: Oh, wait. You know, like, like maybe he's got a secret problem he can't tell us about, like with mob goons—like, like gambling debts or something.
Jake: Ooh, that's it! You're right! If we help him out of his secret jam, he won't need our money anymore. Look, there he goes now. Come on, let's follow him to the mob goons!
[Finn and Jake are walking through a forest.]
Finn: You sure this is right, Jake? I've never seen this place before. [passes a fairy] Looks like a fairy tale.
Jake: Yeah, man, the nose knows. [They arrive at Kim Kil Whan's house.] I smelled him go in there [points to front door]... and then I smelled him go up there [points upstairs].
[Kim Kil Whan is sitting with his back to the window, reading a book.]
Finn: Whoa. Kim Kil Whan is rich, like wow, like, hello, what? But if he doesn't need our money, what does he need? [quietly] Throw pebbles at the glass to get his attention.
[Jake throws a dozen pebbles into the open window, all of which hit Kim Kil Whan's face. Kim Kil Whan sets down his book and opens the front door. He is greeted with another handful of pebbles to his face.]
Jake: Hey, Son!
Kim Kil Whan: Dad? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?
Jake: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. I never even looked for a job.
Kim Kil Whan: Really?
Jake: I was thinkin' about you buying our tree house. I figured out that you don't need our money, so maybe you'd consider my counteroffer...
[Finn opens a briefcase with Jake and a present inside.]
Jake: Father love! I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I lub you, I love you, I love you, I lub you. [hands present to Kim Kil Whan] Come on, open it!
[Kim Kil Whan does so.]
Jake: It's an ocarina. I made it for you.
Kim Kil Whan: Oh.
Jake: Whenever you play it, you'll be reminded of your pep-pant's love.
Kim Kil Whan: Thank, Dad. [blows into it]
Jake: Yeah, it's not hollow. I made the holes with the back end of a pencil.
Kim Kil Whan: [sighs] I suppose I could accept the ocarina as legal trade. [takes out deed and hands it to Jake] The tree house is yours, Dad.
[The two embrace and shake hands.]
Jake: Okay.
Kim Kil Whan: Take care, Dad. I'll call.
Jake: I'll call!
Kim Kil Whan: Okay, bye, Dad.
Jake: Later, Son!
[Kim Kil Whan walks back inside his house.]
Finn: Yeah!
Jake: Yeah, all right! Daddin'!
[Inside, Kim Kil Whan takes off his jacket and sits on the couch. His wife enters.]
Pat: Sweetheart, how did it go? [sits beside Kim Kil Whan]
Kim Kil Whan: Eh, all right, I guess. I don't know. He still lives the life of a child. I mean, it's his choice, but I really thought if he got a job and moved out of that tree house, it could have put some fire under him.
Pat: Aw, I'm sorry, Sweets.
Kim Kil Whan: No, I think I was wrong about Dad. I think he's good.

Episode ends