This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Puhoy" from season 5, which aired on April 8, 2013.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode starts with a quick scene outside the Tree Fort where a Knife storm is going on.]
Jake: [shaped like a tractor, backing up] Beep beep! Look out! Beep beep! Pillow delivery! Look out buddy! [He drops the pillows on Finn.]
Finn: Uuf! [BMO falls on his head and CMO falls on BMO's head.]
BMO: Uuf!
Finn: Come on, Jake...
Jake: Sorry buddy, [changes into his normal form] just trying to cheer you up some. I mean here you are chillin' out with history's coolest friends, building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulking--I mean, what gives!?
Finn: [sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day and she didn't even laugh or anything. I guess it's over between us.
Jake: That's it?! A joke?
BMO: Maybe she just didn't get it yet.
Finn: Yeah right, BMO. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes probably. Man, having a girlfriend is hard.
Jake: No! Being crazy is hard. You're getting all hung up, all hung up on imaginary problems. You gotta focus on what's real, man. [Grabs a cup.] You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. [He throws it through the window, shattering the window.] Now it's gone forever. So it's not real, and I don't care about it anymore.
BMO: [gasp] Oh no! My favorite window!
Finn: I don't even know what you guys are talking about. I think I just need some alone time. [Grabs his cup and sword.] Gotta let my mind fester a bit, you know? I'll be back in a little while. [Finn enters the pillow fort.]
Jake: [Jake shouts this as Finn is getting further and further inside the pillow fort.] Finn! Festering is always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering! Finn!
Finn: Man, this looked smaller from the outside. What's this now? What the?! Jake, what's in here?! Jake?
[Finn comes out from a small door... and into a new realm: Pillow World.]
Finn: Oh, whoa! [birds chirping] Did Jake build this part too? That guy needs some more girlfriends or something.
Finn: [Turns towards the door, which has inexplicably disappeared.] Hey Jake! You need more girlf--what the...? Door's gone?
Finn: Hmm, maybe there's another door in yonder pillow town. [Slides towards pillow town] I don't get this at all.
[Screaming in the distance]
Pillow children: Dragon!! Blanket Dragon! Run!
Finn: Huh?
Pillow child: [bumps into Finn's leg] Oof! Hey mistah, you betta get wunnin'! Bwanket Dwagon!
[Enter the Blanket Dragon.]
Finn: Now this, I understand! [Battle yell] [Finn leaps toward the dragon and nicks its neck with his sword. Pillow feathers spill out as the dragon screams in pain. The dragon collapses into little more than pillows, feathers and blankets.]  Oh. That's it?
Pillow child: Wow.
[With Finn's quick slaying of the Blanket Dragon, the Pillow People come out of hiding and greet their new hero.]
Pillow people: [cheering] Did you see that?
Finn: Hey, uh, how's it going?
Quilton:  Puhoy there! I am Quilton, son of Pillowford, and you have saved our village! You and your sharp pillow.
Finn: Hah, it's nothing; I kill things all the time.
Quilton: Oh, nonsense! This calls for a celepillowbration!
Pillow people: [cheering]
[The scene changes to some kind of party, where the Pillow People are dancing. Finn goes behind some pillows.]
Finn: [sighs then sits down.]
Roselinen: There you are, Finn the Human.
Finn: Oh, hey there... Um, you can just call me Finn if you want.
Roselinen: All right, Finn. My name is Roselinen, daughter of Quilton. You have to call me the whole thing.
Finn: Oh, uh...
Roselinen: Just kidding!
Finn: Heh. Oh, uh, your dad seems fun.
Quilton: Oh, ha ha, oh my! Puhzah!
Roselinen: [chuckles] Yeah. Um, you wanna dance?
Finn: Oh, well... [a pillow bird flies and lands beside him.] I...have a girlfriend. [pillow bird chirps]
Roselinen: [laughs] [playfully hits Finn on the cheeks] Dummy, it's a dance, not marriage.
Finn: [laughs nervously] Yeah, okay! [The pillow bird poops a little pillowcase on Finn's shoulders.] This place is weird.
Roselinen: [Walking on the dance floor.] Are you telling me that birds in your world don't poo little pillowcases?
Finn: Naah, just regular poo.
Roselinen: Hey, like this. [She grabs his hand and places it on her hip, which absorbs it.]
Finn: Eh, yeah, i-it's really cool. Where I come from, I live with my best friend, who's my brother. And he's a dog.[chuckles] We fight stuff; it's cool. It's really different than here. I mean, where I'm from, blankets and pillows are used for bedding.
Roselinen: [laughs] Well they're used for that here too.
Finn: [Blushes then laughs nervously.] Heh heh uh.
Quilton: Woo oo ooh hoo hoo! Pill-ightful!
Finn: Ah man, it's been nice, Roselinen. But I gotta get back to my home. [turns to Quilton.] Quilton, I need your help to find a portal to my home world.
Quilton: Of course, we will do our best to help you, Finn the Flesh Pillow. But you're not making a fold of sense!
[A pillow person presents some pillow food.]
Quilton: Please, share our food. You need nourishment.
Finn: [eating a pillow] [muffled] It tastes... like... a pillow...
Quilton: I'll give your compliments to the pillow.
[The pillow chef is shown waving.]
[The scene switches back to the Tree Fort. Jake fishes his favorite cup that he threw it out the window.]
BMO: Oh, there you are! You found your mug. I thought you said you didn't care.
Jake: [sips the cup]
BMO: That mug is empty.
Jake: I wonder what Finn's up to...
[The scene returns to Pillow World. The presence of Jay and Bonnie, Finn's and Roselinen's children, re-enacting Finn's battle with the Blanket Dragon, is a dead giveaway of the fact time has passed.]
Jay: [dressed up like the blanket dragon.] Roar! I'm the Blanket Dragon!!
Bonnie: [wearing Finn's hat and holding a pillow sword.] Well, I'm daddy! Sha-pow!
Roselinen: Jay, Bonnie. I bet your dad's just about finished chopping wool. You guys wanna bring him his lunch?
Jay & Bonnie: Yes!
Finn: [chopping pillow trees with his sword and looking quite older.] [laughs] Alphanumeric! [hugs the pillow sheep] Pillow sheep! You have more fluff than sense! [kisses the pillow sheep then kicks it.]
Jay & Bonnie: Daddy!
Finn: Oh! [laughs.] What is this! [carried Bonnie.] A pack of fearsome pillow goblins?!
Bonnie: [laughing.] Ha ha, daddy, we're your kids!
Roselinen: Psst, Finn, they've brought you lunch.
Finn: Oh, they have, have they? [grabs one tiny pillow.] Tiny pillows. Mmm mmm mm mmm.
Jay: [giggles]
Finn: [to Roselinen] Darling, you've outdone yourself.
Quilton: [driving up in his car] Honk, honk!
Jay & Bonnie: Grandpillow!
Roselinen: What's my father doing here?
Quilton: Puhoy!
Jay & Bonnie: Grandpillow!
Quilton: Oh oh oh, come here! Oh, but I've come to speak with your father.
Finn: What is it, Quilton?
Quilton: When you first arrived here, you told us of a mysterious door that led you to our world.
Finn: Yes, of course.
Quilton: Archaeologists found this in the Pillow Catacombs: [Shows the book to Finn, opening up to the door page.] The Pillownomicon.
Finn: Oh my glob.
Quilton: There is no information about the door, save for the fact it shows up periodically, and then disappears.
[Roselinen watches them from the background while their kids are enjoying their pillow lunches.]
Finn: Quilton, I need to find that door. [Roselinen makes a very sad face]
[The scene changes to the Tree Fort again, where BMO and Jake's favorite cup are wearing rainbow afro wigs.]
Jake: Uhhh, hey BMO, I gotta snag my mug from you. [Removes the wig then puts it on top of BMO's wig.]
BMO: Oh, really?
Jake: Hey don't sweat it, I'll make us some hot chocolate.
BMO: Jake, you drive a hard burger.
[Then scene returns to the Pillow World.]
Finn: [looking older than his last appearance, goes in a tent where Rasheeta is.] Hello?
Rasheeta: Ah yes, come in.
Finn: Are these The Great Abracadabra Mountains? And are you Rasheeta the Great Oracle, dweller of said mountains?
Rasheeta: Yes, you must be Finn the Human Man, seeker of the wandering portal.
Finn: Yes, I've searched for decades--how did you know?
Rasheeta: I've read it in the Tea Leaves, [grabs a newspaper] this newspaper I found from the future.
Finn: Does it say how I get home?
Rasheeta: The real question is: are you sure you want to?
Finn: Uh... yeah!
Rasheeta: Well don't worry, you won't be here long. [farts.]
Finn: So there is another way to... [covers his nose.] Oof...
Rasheeta: Not long now. [farts again.]
Finn: Oh... [coughing from the stench of Rasheeta's farting, he leaves the tent.]
Bonnie: Father?
Jay: What did the oracle say, father? Have we come to the right spot finally?
Finn: I think so, but the oracle spoke in riddles. [stroking his beard] Gonna have to fester on this one for a bit...
Roselinen: Oh, Finn. I know you have to go, all these years I've known, but now that it's time... [sniffles then starts crying.] Oh man, I'm just all messed up about it. Just promise me you'll remember us, [wipes her tears.] when you're back in your real life.
[Finn sheds a few tears then strokes his beard.]
Finn: Hmm, that reminds me, Roselinen, of something Jake told me just before I came to this world.
[Shows a flashback of Jake when he was explaining that he needs to deal with his real problems.]
Jake: [distorted voice while strangely looking different] You're getting all hung up on imaginary problems, stay with your new wife. You've known her longer now than any of us. You're not even sure if I ever really existed. And I'm pretty sure I didn't look like this.
Finn: [to himself] Man. How did he see it all coming so clearly? [to family] Come on, everyone. Pack your things, we're going home.
[The scene changes to the real world where Jake was playing with BMO.]
BMO: [laughing] Ha ha he, ha ha he, goodness, Jake, why don't you do this with your other babies?
Jake: Well, Rainicorn babies age rapidly. They don't need their parents a couple hours after they're born.
BMO: That really stinks, huh?
Jake: Mmmmm.
BMO: Hot chocolate is ready!
[The scene goes to Pillow World again, Finn looks very old, in his bed... and on the verge of death.]
Roselinen: Finn... Finn.
Finn: [weakly saying.] Wha—where?
Roselinen: Are you comfortable?
Finn: I'm... alright.
Bonnie: Um, dad... [voice breaks] dad. We.. just.. wanted to say... that we-- [starts crying.]
Jay:  [Puts hand on Bonnie] [sadly] That... we love you dad.
Finn: [strokes his beard] I remember... back... when I was dad.
Jay:  [sighs and rolls his eyes] Dad, you are dad...
Finn: [snaps and puts his hands upI ain't dad yet! Oh, no, wait! Here it comes! Woo hoo hoo hoo hooooo, BOY! [Camera angle from Finn's eyesight. The screen turns into a beautiful mirage but then shatters as Finn is amazed. He bounces off of a repulsive red creature's tongue and flies around it.]
Finn: HUP! 
[After a flyby through the pillow tunnel, Finn finds himself back in the real world again, the Human boy restored to his young self. Finn then pops out off the top on Jake's pillow fort.]
Jake: Hey buddy, you feeling better already?
Finn: Huh? Oh. Uhh, I don't know, man. I just had the number one wildest dream.
Jake: Really?
Finn: Yeah! I was-- [His phone starts to ring, then he answers it.] Hello? Oh hey! Oh. [chuckles] Yeah, thanks! Yeah, okay, bye. [hangs up] That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until just now and that it's really funny and awesome!
BMO: [laughs]. Ha ha! I knew it!
Jake: Yeah, that's great man. Now what about this dream?
Finn: What dream?
Jake: The dream you were just talking about.
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Just a second ago!
Finn: [shrugs]
Jake: The dream you just had in the pillow fort!
Finn:  [shrugs again and blows a raspberry] Pfft!
[The episode ends.]