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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Red Starved" from season 5, which aired on October 14, 2013.

Desert Lands
Underground Sand City
This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins in the Desert Lands. The camera pans down a gigantic pillar of sand leading to an underground city. Finn and Jake are at the base of a sand column next to some sand sculptures of soldiers.]
Jake: [moans]
Finn: What's wrong with you, man?
Jake: I ate all the candy in your backpack, and now I'm sick.
Finn: I didn't bring any candy.
Jake: Oh, no. That explains why it didn't taste right.
Finn: Nothing tastes right today. Like, I thought we were going to get into some serious flavor with these sand people, but they're just standing around like garnish.
Jake: That's how I feel—like a dying parsley. So what's goin' on with the spoon? Marceline and the spoon.
Finn: Um... [looks at the spoon on top of the column] nothing. [The spoon is lifted up and comes down.] Wait, there she goes!
Marceline: [invisible] Yo, wake up, sand dude. [taps a sand soldier with the spoon, causing the sculpture to crumble.] I think they're dead. [brings spoon over to Finn and becomes visible] A spoon.
Finn: [takes spoon] Yea-uh. The Spoon of Prosperity!
Jake: It doesn't look like mu—[belches]
[The belch echoes and causes more sculptures to crumble.]
Jake: Oh, my gosh, I feel so much better! Hungry, even. Guys, let's go home!
Finn: We've gotta get this spoon to Princess Bubblegum first.
Jake: [running off] ♪Let's rock!♪
Marceline: What's PB want with that spoon, anyway?
Finn: Beats me.
Jake: Sometimes it's better not to know.
Marceline: Yeah, I guess that's true with Bonnibel.
Jake: Hey, guys, look what I found! [starts sinking in the sand]
Marceline: Is that quicksand?
Jake: Yeah! [laughs] [tries to get out several times but keeps falling back] Heh. Quicksand is pretty fun. Heh.
Finn: Quit messing around, Jake.
Jake: Okie-doke.
[Jake stretches an arm from his head to the support underneath the platform Finn and Marceline are on. The support crumbles, and Finn falls.]
Finn: Whoa!
[More structures behind them crumble.]
Jake: Hmm. Hey, is this whole place made out of sand?
Marceline: Sure looks that way.
Jake: Uh, give me a pull, please. [stretches his upper body to Finn and Marceline, who grab him and pull] [laughs] Stop, you guys are tickling me! Let me try this other thing. [shapeshifts his body into a corkscrew] Flesh drill!
Finn: I'm not sure that's a good idea—
[Jake starts drilling, rumbling the entire city.]
Jake: [screams] Yaah! Rug burn! Ow! Ow!
[The large pillar of sand collapses.]
Jake: Aah! [escapes the quicksand] Whoo! It worked! Jake drill worked, you guys.
[Marceline grabs them and floats upwards to avoid the avalanche of sand coming their way.]
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Check it out! My piggies are free. [wiggles toes]
Marceline: You just demolished half the underground city!
Jake: Yeah, only half.
Finn: You also sealed our exit.
Jake: Our only exit.
Marceline: [groans] [drops Jake]
Jake: No regre-e-e-ets! [tumbles down a hill] I'm sorry. [touches his toe] This little piggie stayed home, and so should have I. I know! I'll dig us out of here.
Finn & Marceline: No!
Finn: You'll bury us alive!
Marceline: Undead!
Finn: [takes out his holo-pendant] Finn to PB. Come in, PB.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, hi, Finn.
Finn: Princess, we're trapped in the underground city.
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah-yeah. That sounds great.
Finn: Huh? No, we need help!
Princess Bubblegum: That's great! [display glitches] Gre-gre-great! Great, great!
Finn: [sighs] Guess we lost the signal. [puts away pendant]
Marceline: Any more bright ideas?
Jake: Snacks!
Marceline: How are snacks gonna get us out of here?
Jake: I wanna eat snacks... because I am hungry.
Marceline: I'm hungry, too. Bust the snacks, Finn.
Jake: Bust, bust, bust!
[Finn takes off his pack and dumps its contents on the ground. Jake takes a cookie out of the pile.]
Marceline: Hey, where are my red erasers? They were in here.
Jake: Uh-oh. I thought they were candy.
Marceline: You... ate all... MY RED?!?!
Jake: Oooh. I'm sorry!
Finn: Calm down, Marceline. There's gotta be some red stuff in these ruins. I'll go explore. You guys hang out here and save your energy.
Marceline: Thanks, Finn.
Finn: [walking off] Be cool.
Jake: [eats cookie] So how hungry are you?
Marceline: [hisses]
Jake: Aah! [cowers] I'm sorry. Please don't eat my blood!
Marceline: [sighs] Jake, I don't want to hurt you, but you should know things get crazy when I'm hungry.
Jake: Like... how crazy?
Marceline: I'm gonna go into feral mode. [sighs] It's not gonna be pretty.
Jake: [whimpers] [eats the rest of his cookie]
Marceline: I know. Let's tie me up. That way, you won't be scared.
Jake: And that will keep you from draining my bloods?
Marceline: Not physically, no, but as a prop, I think it'll be good for both of us. You know, psychologically.
Jake: [gulps] [whispers] Hurry, Finn.
[Scene cuts to Finn passing some streams of lava.]
Finn: Red, red, red. I guess even a vampire queen's face would melt off if she tried to eat lava.
[Scene switches to Marceline, who is tied up to a sand column.]
Marceline: Get me a bucket of lava, Jake.
Jake: [eating a sandwich] Yo, you know better than that.
Marceline: Do iiiit...
Jake: Don't go crazy, okay?
Marceline: I'm frickin' hungry.
Jake: [gulps] Why did you leave me here, dude? [bites sandwich]
[Scene cuts back to Finn. He arrives at a large door of sand held up by four skeletons, behind which some red light is emanating.]
Finn: Okay, here we go. Yeah, look at that! [points to red glow] Something crazy red behind this door. Hmm. [looks at skeletons] Why are y'all holding this door shut? You don't look like sand peeps, neither. More like wisemen-zerts . Oh, well. Gotta feed the Marcy monster. [walks up to door] 'Scuse me. Up, sorry. Okay. Uhh... hi-yah! [kicks the door, which collapses] Oh, dag.
[Finn looks into a room full of immobile sand people bathing in the red light coming from a crown on a skeleton at the other side of the room.]
Finn: Cool... What the heck happened here? [grabs a hat from one of the skeletons] Whoop! [throws hat in the red light, which turns it to sand] Ew. Whoops. Y'alls got turned into sand people. Don't go in the light. Go like this. [walks along the edge of the room] Around it. Next time, you guys. Hmm... [sees that the source of the light is coming from a hole behind the skeleton] Whatever's down there's gotta have red blasting out of every hole. Hey, you're not still alive, right?
[The skeleton does not respond.]
Finn: Okay. I was just making sure. [crawls into hole] Bet that guy was a creep. [continues crawling] This hole is deep.
[Scene cuts back to Jake.]
Jake: Oh, my Glob. Oh, my Glob, where are you, man? Marcy's wiggin' out!
Marceline: Jaaaake...
Jake: What?
Marceline: I can smell your insides, Jake. [laughs] They smell... [sniffs deeply] red!
Jake: [screams]
Marceline: Yeah, lemme see in there.
Jake: [screams]
Marceline: Oh, yeah.
Jake: [screams]
[Scene cuts back to Finn.]
Finn: Maybe I should go back. Well, I've already gone this far. [reaches the end of the tunnel, where a red gem is shining light] Shebang! That oughtta be enough red to un... [notices that the red light is coming from a large turtle creature behind the gem] Oops.
Crab Demon: Paris? Is that you?
Finn: You mean the guy with the big thing on his head?
Crab Demon: Yes. Have you returned to complete the plan?
Finn: Naw. Paris is, like, super dead.
Crab Demon: What?! No! How long?
Finn: Dude, like, a really long time. Like five hundred years.
Crab Demon: [in disbelief] Five hundred—[sighs] Chum! I must've zoned out!
Finn: What the heck were you two doing?
Crab Demon: Once we turned the city to sand, we were gonna reanimate their bodies and conquer my homeland at the center of the planet.
Finn: Hm, that's dumb.
Crab Demon: Time to go back home a true loser.
Finn: Can I have this big ol' ruby, then?
Crab Demon: That's an emerald.
Finn: Clearly it's a big ol' ruby.
Crab Demon: I don't know what to tell you, man.
Finn: I would like the ruby.
Crab Demon: It's yours, buddy. [gets up] I'm outties. [backs out]
Finn: Peace. Hyup! [jumps down and tries to pull the ruby out] [strains] [farts] Whoops.
[Scene cuts to Marceline, who is buried up to her demonic face in sand.]
Jake: Okay, [pats sand] all done now. Nice and snug, right?
Marceline: Jake...
Jake: [gulps] What?
Marceline: I won't be able to... to control myself much longer. I can feel the feeding frenzy coming on. [licks teeth] I just wanna let you know I'm sorry. [laughs evilly]
Jake: You're sick!
Marceline: Yeah... [laughs]
Jake: C'mon, Jake, think... [groans] It's no good! I need brain food. [looks at pile of Finn's junk] Oh, dang, I ate everything! [moans] I'm so hungry! Baby's gonna starve to death! Unless... [looks at Marceline]
Marceline: What?
Jake: [laughs] [licks lips]
[Scene cuts back to Finn, who is pushing the ruby back through the tunnel.]
Finn: [straining] [stops and cries a little] [resumes pushing]
Jake: [panting] [digs a lava moat around Marceline]
Marceline: What are you doing?
Jake: I'm cooking up a crazy vampire! That should heat up nice! The sand will keep the meat moist.
Marceline: You're gonna eat me?
Jake: You was gonna eat me!
Marceline: Yes, I am. [laughs]
Jake: [blows lava] Cook, baby, cook!
[Finn arrives with the ruby.]
Jake: Finn!
Finn: [falls to the ground, exhausted] Bleh. The trick is rollin' it. Phew! Check out this ruby I got.
Jake: That's an emerald, dude.
Finn: You too now?! Emeralds are green, boyee.
Jake: This thing is green.
Finn: Why is everybody messin' with me? It's like a dark gray-ish red. Mostly gray. Sometimes red things are gray!
Jake: You're a little colorblind... and there's nothin' to be ashamed of!
[The "ruby" is now green.]
Finn: Oh... whoops.
Jake: I'm sorry you had to push that thing so far.
Finn: Uh, what's goin' on with Marcy?
Jake: She was threatening to eat my insides, so I'm cooking her. I know that sounds crazy, but I had no choice.
[Marceline is now missing.]
Jake: I'm operating on my lowest survival brain function right now. What? [looks behind him to see that Marceline is gone] [gasps]
Finn: Chill, man!
Jake: No, we gotta book! [pushes Finn into tunnel] Go!
Marceline: [floating near the ceiling] Go where, Jake? [laughs] I gotta suck out your insides first, right?
Finn: Nay-nay, brah!
Jake: [babbles]
Marceline: Time to eat! [The ceiling rumbles.] Huh? What the—?
[A large worm breaks through the ceiling. Princess Bubblegum is in its mouth, controlling it.]
Finn: Bubblegum?
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, guys. I saw my seismograph had gone off the charts, so I figured you might be in trouble, right?
Jake: Yeah, but watch out for Marceline. She's gone rabid!
Princess Bubblegum: What? Marceline's gonna rap for me?
[Marceline grabs Princess Bubblegum and bites her hair.]
Princess Bubblegum: [screams]
Finn & Jake: [gasp]
Marceline: [sighs] Woof. Thanks, Bonnie. That's enough low-grade red to get me home, at least. Come on, guys. Let's go.
Finn: Are you alright, PB?
Princess Bubblegum: [weakly] Did you get the Spoon of Prosperity?
Finn: [takes it out of his pack] Yeah, here you go. [hands it to her]
[Princess Bubblegum places it on her nose, and she returns to normal.]
Finn, Jake, & Marceline: Whoa.
[Finn, Jake, and Marceline applaud.]
Princess Bubblegum: Peeps will never starve in my eternal empire. Sand worm, up!
[The sand worm leaps upward as the city fills with lava.]

Episode ends

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