This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Chamber of Frozen Blades" from season 2, which aired on January 17, 2011.

Ice Kingdom
Rock Hospital
This transcript is complete.


[Finn observes Ice King's Castle through binoculars.]
Finn: Hour ​​six of our Ice Kingdom stakeout. Abso-nothing's going on there.
Jake: [Reading a ninja manual] And if I do this hand position, [he positions his hand] my boogers should turn into smoke bombs.
Finn: Pfff. You sure this tip is good, Flambo?
Fambo: [surrounded by logs like a campfire] Come on, you know I'm on the level. The Ice King is scheming to nabs a princess today. I swears it.
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: Relax, Restless Pants. A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. [He shifts his ears into a symbol] Jin.
Flambo: [Laughs] Ninjas? Ninjas ain't real for nothing, no how.
Finn: Whoa, now—ninjas are real. For you see, [covers his mouth with his sweater] Doo, doo, doo... Jake and I are ninjas.
Jake: Yep, ever since we fished this ninja manual out of a ditch. Finn, booty me!
Finn: [Jake throws the booties and Jake catches them on his feet] Listen!
[Penguin sounds are heard]
Jake: Finn, I think I'm gonna take off my booties. I can't flip these pages.
Ice King: Gunter, let's go! I've got the overnight bag.
Gunter: Wenk, wenk!
Finn: It's the Ice King, all right, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Jake: Uh-oh. If the Ice King's so happy, he must have stolen a princess when we weren't looking, somehow. [covers his mouth with his ears] That's ninja logic.
Finn: Then we gotta...
Flambo: [Interrupts] Ahem.
[Finn gives a charcoal Flambo.]
Finn: ...we gotta save that princess.
Jake: You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
Finn: Ninja kick!
[They jump away and enter the Ice King's castle.]
Finn: Princess? Princess!
Jake: [Sniffs the floor and raises an armchair with his arm like a jack] Princess?
Finn: [Looking in the jail] Princess!
Jake: [Looking in the toilet] Princess? ...Ahh...
[They regroup.]
Jake: No princess here, man.
Finn: No princess? [Gasps] It's... a trap! We're being trapped! Ninja vanish! Evade! Evade!
Jake: Nothing is trapped, dude. We can't find any captured princesses, because the Ice King hasn't captured one yet. He's out doin' it right now.
Finn: Are you sure?
Jake: [confident] No. It's only a ninja hunch, so we should ninja snoop for proof.
[They go to the Ice King's bedroom.]
Finn: Wait, man. I-I feel uncomfortable snooping through Ice King's personal stuff. It feels sorta like... [darkly] a violation.
Jake: [Pulls out a book from under a pillow on the bed] Whoo! Got the Ice King's diary.
Finn: [shakes his head] No, no, no, no, no! We can't read his private junk! [Tries to stop Jake]
Jake: And yet we must. [clears his throat and takes the form of the Ice King] Dear diary—and you better write me back this time!— [not actually reading] today I'm bringing home a special new cutie.
Finn: There's our proof, man! ... Hmm, alright. Let's use our ninja stealth and hide until he comes back with the princess.
[Jake shrinks.]
Jake: Or... we could keep looking through his stuff. Heh, heh, heh! You know, for more proof? Hehehe!
Finn: No. [Stops Jake] Alls we're gonna do is lie in wait until the Ice King gets back. Then—BOOM [pokes Jake]—we catch him with princess on his hands. [Starts playing with Jake like a plane]
Jake: Where are we gonna hide?
Finn: In this filthy hamper! [He tosses Jake in the basket and then jumps in after him.] Think he's there yet?
[Jake goes to see.]
Finn: See anything?
Jake: Nah. Hey, Finn, I don't want to hide in the hamper anymore; it reeks in here.
Finn: But we're ninjas! And this is our ninja hideout.
Jake: Nah, man. My sense of smell is, like, one thousand times better than yours. Also, the hamper's boring. I'm out.
Finn: Wait!
[Jake leaves the basket.]
Jake: I'm out!
Finn: Jake! Get back here! [Throws a meatball at him, which hits Ice King's computer] [Jake goes to the computer.] Hey, wait up!
Jake: Check this out!
[They both look the Ice King's drawings on the computer and laugh.]
Finn: Weird.
Jake: I want to draw something.
Finn: Hey! [Try to stop Jake] We gotta leave no trace! Ninjas leave no trace!
Jake: I'll delete it after!
Finn: Hey, come on!
[They laugh and Finn accidentally pushes the computer table. It slides across the floor and crashes into a glass wall, shattering it.]
Finn: [gasps] Jake, what have we done?
Both: [gasp] A secret hidden room full of ninja stuff!
[The scene changes to the Ice King laughing and flying to a Rock Hospital.]
Ice King: [Entering the hospital] Oh, great—a line. [starts to freeze the people in front of him] Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
Rock Man: Uhh, I-I think you were actually ahead of me.
Ice King: [Freezes Rock Man] You know I was. [laughs] [Approaches to management] Counter maid, I demand medical attentions, [softens his voice] preferably those of a princessy type.
Rock Nurse: And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
Ice King: Hey! I'm as healthy as ten old men!
[Gunter complains weakly.]
Ice King: Ah! Oh, oh, right! [Puts Gunter on the counter] My penguin—he's very, very sick. So... what time does your shift end?
[The scene switches to Jake walking down stairs.]
Jake: What kind of guy builds a cave inside of another a cave? [Goes to a book] What's this? A spellbook? [Turns the pedestal] Whoo!
Finn: Dude! Leave no trace!
Jake: Ah, it's too late for that.
Finn: It's not too [Stops the pedestal] ...late. WHOA!
Jake: What'cha got there?
Finn: Dude! It's a first-edition Ice Ninja Manual!
[Jake gasps deeply.]
Finn: [reading the manual] A true ninja passes no wind; he only passes... [Jake farts in Finn's face, cutting him off. Finn wipes his face in disgust.]
Jake: [in the manual] I ain't even heard of these techniques. [He makes a symbol with his hand] Nuh-nuh-n-numm-nuh [Summons ice nunchucks on his hand.] numb-chucks.
Finn: Hey. Ice King seems way into ninjas, even more than we are.
Jake: [Twirling the nunchucks] Yeah, so? [He hits himself with the nunchucks.]
Finn: So... doesn't that mean that ninjas must be... kinda lame?
Jake: Nah, they're still cool. But Ice King's still lame because he hides his ninja love. We wear our ninja on our sleeves! [Breaks a cabinet with nunchucks]
Finn: Jake! Show me how to do that.
[The scene changes to Gunter and Ice King waiting in a hospital ward.]
Ice King: What's taking that doctor so long? Gunter, make more noise!
Gunter: WUAH! WUAH!
Ice King: Yeah, alright. Don't oversell it, drama queen.
[Doctor Princess enters the room.]
Dr. Princess: Dun, dun, dunnn. Pardon the intrusion. I'm Doctor Princess.
Ice King: Yes, well, uh... [quietly] Come to Ice King, Princess.
Dr. Princess: [Approaching Gunter] Don't worry, sir. I specialize in treating little tuxedo people.
Ice King: Just give it to me straight, doc. Am I gonna have to pay for this?
Dr. Princess: [Puts her stethoscope in Gunter's face] Hmm...
Gunter: [like a heartbeat] Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh, my!
Ice King: What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? [He takes off his crown.] Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.
Dr. Princess: Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die? [Gunter begins to inflate.]
Ice King: Oh, what? Is that what that means? [Puts his crown back on]
Dr. Princess: Whoa, Nelly! Something medical is happening!
[Gunter inflates even more.]
Ice King: Gunter, you're embarrassing me!
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake practicing ninja techniques.]
Finn: [Making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Finn summons... dagger of chilled glass. [Does so]
Jake: [Also making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Jake summons... stars of frozen rain. [Does so] Get ready to be... star struck. [Throws the stars at Finn]
Finn: Get ready to be... cold cut!
[They fight. Finn breaks a TV and a seat. Jake breaks his dagger. They leave the room.]
Jake: Hyah!
Finn: [takes two kunai from a case and throws them] Kunai attack!
[The kunai break loose some icicles from the ceiling.]
Jake: [Kicks icicles] Icicle kick!
Finn: [Makes hand positions and counterattacks with snow] Force of blizzard!
[The avalanche breaks the Ice King's chair.]
Jake: [Evades the snow with a jump] Flying jump!
[Jake brings up three clones of himself]
Finn: What?! Three Jakes? That's one too many. Caltrop hailstorm! [Summons ice stars and throws them toward the Jakes, which disappear] Those Jakes were all fakes!
Jake: [Behind Finn] Heh! Fridjitsu master Jake summons... arrow of ice! [He does so and fires it at Finn, using his arm as a bow.]
Finn: Hiyah! [Finn catches the arrow and breaks it on the floor.] Rad.
[Jake's eyes glow and sparkle] Ahh...
Both: [dancing] WOOHOO! YEAH!
[They hear whistling from outside.]
Finn: It's the Ice King! Hide!
Ice King: [hums] Okay, m'dear, this enclosure will be your new home!
Finn: [To Jake] [whispering] He's got a princess. Now we leap out and catch him red-handed. [He and Jake cover their mouths.]
Jake: Hai!
Finn: Snow blind! [Disappears in a flurry of snow]
Jake: Thin ice, thin ice, thin ice! [Turns 2D and disappears]
Ice King: ...but once you get used to the smell of penguin manure, it's almost tolerable.
[Finn and Jake jump through the air wielding ice ninja weapons.]
Finn: Ice King, hand over that princess!
Ice King: Princess? What?
Finn: Jake, where's the princess?
Jake: Ooh, right.
Ice King: What princess?
Finn: The, um... princess you were just talking to?
Jake: Yeah, the one you just came back from stealin'.
Ice King: Wrong-o. I was at the hospital, for it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
[Gunter shows his egg.]
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!
Jake: Gunther's a woman?!
Ice King: What? No! [Checks under Gunter, then throws him aside] Fuh. Anyway, get out of my house or I'll kill you, et cetera. I want to take a nap in my easy chair. [suddenly gasps] What happened to my recliner?!
Finn: Ohh...
Ice King: My skins and tubs!
Jake: [inhales through his teeth]
Ice King: You even violated my secret sanctum?! What is wrong with you?!
Finn: No princess?
Ice King: No! No princess!
[Finn and Jake's weapons disappear.]
Finn: We messed up, Jake. We're... violators!
Ice King: Yeah, what the heck?! You think you can just wreck my house and wear my collectibles?! [He removes their headbands and throws them on the floor] Hah! Who do you guys think you are?!
Finn: We're... ninjas?
Ice King: You're not ninjas! You're just a couple of jerks!
[Finn and Jake fall to the ground.]
Finn: It's true. [Rises] Ice King, we're gonna make this right.
Ice King: Yeah, do it; make it right. And start by, uh... oh, take my bag over to the cage.
[Finn takes the bag and Ice King laughs. Then muffled noises are heard from the bag and Finn realizes.]
Ice King: Oh, no, no, no! Not that! Never mind! Put that down and go clean my gym equipment.
[Finn opens the bag and out comes Doctor Princess.]
Finn: Doctor Princess!
Ice King: [Nervously] Oh, heh... I have no idea how that got in there!
Finn: What's goin' on?
Dr. Princess: I'll field that one. [Cleans her lenses] The Ice King abducted me while I was distracted by the horrifying beauty of birth.
[Gunter rubs the egg on his face.]
Ice King: Yes, Gunter's ailment was the perfect cover for stealing a princess, M.D.
Dr. Princess: I'm not even a real princess. "Princess" is just a surname. [Jake helps her out of the bag.]
Ice King: Enough! You may have uncovered my princess-smuggling scheme, but you'll never leave this place alive!
[Hits his palm with his fist.]
Jake: [laughs] A couple of ninjas like me and Finn can only be defeated by another ninja!
[The Ice King wraps his beard around his head.]
Ice King: Doot, doo, doooo! [summons an ice sansetsukon] Ninja!
Finn and Jake: Ninja! [They cover their mouths and brandish ice weapons.]
Dr. Princess: What am I... looking at here, exactly?
Finn, Jake and the Ice King: NINJA! [They start to fight.]
Dr. Princess: [To Gunter] So... how is your egg doing?
Gunter: Wenk, wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh.
[Gunter gets onto the egg and it begins to crack. From it comes a kitten.]
Ice King: [realizes] Gunter! Why didn't you tell me?
Gunter: [shrugs] [like "I don't know"] Weh-weh-wenk.
Ice King: Oh, Gunter...
[Finn and Jake kick Ice King in the face and back, respectively. Then a closing a banner appears.]

Episode ends