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The Chamber of Frozen Blades/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Chamber of Frozen Blades" from season 2, which aired on January 17, 2011.

Music
None
Locations
Ice Kingdom
Rock Hospital
This transcript is complete.

Transcript

[Finn observes Ice King's Castle through binoculars.]
Finn: Hour ​​six of our Ice Kingdom stakeout. Abso-nothing's going on there.
Jake: [Reading a ninja manual] And if I do this hand position, [he positions his hand] my boogers should turn into smoke bombs.
Finn: Pfff. You sure this tip is good, Flambo?
Fambo: [surrounded by logs like a campfire] Come on, you know I'm on the level. The Ice King is scheming to nabs a princess today. I swears it.
Finn: Hmm.
Jake: Relax, Restless Pants. A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. [He shifts his ears into a symbol] Jin.
Flambo: [Laughs] Ninjas? Ninjas ain't real for nothing, no how.
Finn: Whoa, now—ninjas are real. For you see, [covers his mouth with his sweater] Doo, doo, doo... Jake and I are ninjas.
Jake: Yep, ever since we fished this ninja manual out of a ditch. Finn, booty me!
Finn: [Jake throws the booties and Jake catches them on his feet] Listen!
[Penguin sounds are heard]
Jake: Finn, I think I'm gonna take off my booties. I can't flip these pages.
Ice King: Gunter, let's go! I've got the overnight bag.
Gunter: Wenk, wenk!
Finn: It's the Ice King, all right, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Jake: Uh-oh. If the Ice King's so happy, he must have stolen a princess when we weren't looking, somehow. [covers his mouth with his ears] That's ninja logic.
Finn: Then we gotta...
Flambo: [Interrupts] Ahem.
[Finn gives a charcoal Flambo.]
Finn: ...we gotta save that princess.
Jake: You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
Finn: Ninja kick!
[They jump away and enter the Ice King's castle.]
Finn: Princess? Princess!
Jake: [Sniffs the floor and raises an armchair with his arm like a jack] Princess?
Finn: [Looking in the jail] Princess!
Jake: [Looking in the toilet] Princess? ...Ahh...
[They regroup.]
Jake: No princess here, man.
Finn: No princess? [Gasps] It's... a trap! We're being trapped! Ninja vanish! Evade! Evade!
Jake: Nothing is trapped, dude. We can't find any captured princesses, because the Ice King hasn't captured one yet. He's out doin' it right now.
Finn: Are you sure?
Jake: [confident] No. It's only a ninja hunch, so we should ninja snoop for proof.
[They go to the Ice King's bedroom.]
Finn: Wait, man. I-I feel uncomfortable snooping through Ice King's personal stuff. It feels sorta like... [darkly] a violation.
Jake: [Pulls out a book from under a pillow on the bed] Whoo! Got the Ice King's diary.
Finn: [shakes his head] No, no, no, no, no! We can't read his private junk! [Tries to stop Jake]
Jake: And yet we must. [clears his throat and takes the form of the Ice King] Dear diary—and you better write me back this time!— [not actually reading] today I'm bringing home a special new cutie.
Finn: There's our proof, man! ... Hmm, alright. Let's use our ninja stealth and hide until he comes back with the princess.
[Jake shrinks.]
Jake: Or... we could keep looking through his stuff. Heh, heh, heh! You know, for more proof? Hehehe!
Finn: No. [Stops Jake] Alls we're gonna do is lie in wait until the Ice King gets back. Then—BOOM [pokes Jake]—we catch him with princess on his hands. [Starts playing with Jake like a plane]
Jake: Where are we gonna hide?
Finn: In this filthy hamper! [He tosses Jake in the basket and then jumps in after him.] Think he's there yet?
[Jake goes to see.]
Finn: See anything?
Jake: Nah. Hey, Finn, I don't want to hide in the hamper anymore; it reeks in here.
Finn: But we're ninjas! And this is our ninja hideout.
Jake: Nah, man. My sense of smell is, like, one thousand times better than yours. Also, the hamper's boring. I'm out.
Finn: Wait!
[Jake leaves the basket.]
Jake: I'm out!
Finn: Jake! Get back here! [Throws a meatball at him, which hits Ice King's computer] [Jake goes to the computer.] Hey, wait up!
Jake: Check this out!
[They both look the Ice King's drawings on the computer and laugh.]
Finn: Weird.
Jake: I want to draw something.
Finn: Hey! [Try to stop Jake] We gotta leave no trace! Ninjas leave no trace!
Jake: I'll delete it after!
Finn: Hey, come on!
[They laugh and Finn accidentally pushes the computer table. It slides across the floor and crashes into a glass wall, shattering it.]
Finn: [gasps] Jake, what have we done?
Both: [gasp] A secret hidden room full of ninja stuff!
[The scene changes to the Ice King laughing and flying to a Rock Hospital.]
Ice King: [Entering the hospital] Oh, great—a line. [starts to freeze the people in front of him] Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon me.
Rock Man: Uhh, I-I think you were actually ahead of me.
Ice King: [Freezes Rock Man] You know I was. [laughs] [Approaches to management] Counter maid, I demand medical attentions, [softens his voice] preferably those of a princessy type.
Rock Nurse: And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
Ice King: Hey! I'm as healthy as ten old men!
[Gunter complains weakly.]
Ice King: Ah! Oh, oh, right! [Puts Gunter on the counter] My penguin—he's very, very sick. So... what time does your shift end?
[The scene switches to Jake walking down stairs.]
Jake: What kind of guy builds a cave inside of another a cave? [Goes to a book] What's this? A spellbook? [Turns the pedestal] Whoo!
Finn: Dude! Leave no trace!
Jake: Ah, it's too late for that.
Finn: It's not too [Stops the pedestal] ...late. WHOA!
Jake: What'cha got there?
Finn: Dude! It's a first-edition Ice Ninja Manual!
[Jake gasps deeply.]
Finn: [reading the manual] A true ninja passes no wind; he only passes... [Jake farts in Finn's face, cutting him off. Finn wipes his face in disgust.]
Jake: [in the manual] I ain't even heard of these techniques. [He makes some symbols with his hands] Ee-oy-nee-noy-ee-oy-nee-noy-numb-chucks! [Summons ice nunchucks on his hand.]
Finn: Hey. Ice King seems way into ninjas, even more than we are.
Jake: [Twirling the nunchucks] Yeah, so? [He hits himself with the nunchucks.]
Finn: So... doesn't that mean that ninjas must be... kinda lame?
Jake: Nah, they're still cool. But Ice King's still lame because he hides his ninja love. We wear our ninja on our sleeves! [Breaks a cabinet with nunchucks]
Finn: Jake! Show me how to do that.
[The scene changes to Gunter and Ice King waiting in a hospital ward.]
Ice King: What's taking that doctor so long? Gunter, make more noise!
Gunter: WUAH! WUAH!
Ice King: Yeah, alright. Don't oversell it, drama queen.
[Doctor Princess enters the room.]
Dr. Princess: Dun, dun, dunnn. Pardon the intrusion. I'm Doctor Princess.
Ice King: Yes, well, uh... [quietly] Come to Ice King, Princess.
Dr. Princess: [Approaching Gunter] Don't worry, sir. I specialize in treating little tuxedo people.
Ice King: Just give it to me straight, doc. Am I gonna have to pay for this?
Dr. Princess: [Puts her stethoscope in Gunter's face] Hmm...
Gunter: [like a heartbeat] Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk. Wenk-wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh, my!
Ice King: What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? [He takes off his crown.] Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.
Dr. Princess: Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die? [Gunter begins to inflate.]
Ice King: Oh, what? Is that what that means? [Puts his crown back on]
Dr. Princess: Whoa, Nelly! Something medical is happening!
[Gunter inflates even more.]
Ice King: Gunter, you're embarrassing me!
[The scene changes to Finn and Jake practicing ninja techniques.]
Finn: [Making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Finn summons... dagger of chilled glass. [Does so]
Jake: [Also making hand positions] Fridjitsu master Jake summons... stars of frozen rain. [Does so] Get ready to be... star struck. [Throws the stars at Finn]
Finn: Get ready to be... cold cut!
[They fight. Finn breaks a TV and a seat. Jake breaks his dagger. They leave the room.]
Jake: Hyah!
Finn: [takes two kunai from a case and throws them] Kunai attack!
[The kunai break loose some icicles from the ceiling.]
Jake: [Kicks icicles] Icicle kick!
Finn: [Makes hand positions and counterattacks with snow] Force of blizzard!
[The avalanche breaks the Ice King's chair.]
Jake: [Evades the snow with a jump] Flying jump!
[Jake brings up three clones of himself]
Finn: What?! Three Jakes? That's one too many. Caltrop hailstorm! [Summons ice stars and throws them toward the Jakes, which disappear] Those Jakes were all fakes!
Jake: [Behind Finn] Heh! Fridjitsu master Jake summons... arrow of ice! [He does so and fires it at Finn, using his arm as a bow.]
Finn: Hiyah! [Finn catches the arrow and breaks it on the floor.] Rad.
[Jake's eyes glow and sparkle] Ahh...
Both: [dancing] WOOHOO! YEAH!
[They hear whistling from outside.]
Finn: It's the Ice King! Hide!
Ice King: [hums] Okay, m'dear, this enclosure will be your new home!
Finn: [To Jake] [whispering] He's got a princess. Now we leap out and catch him red-handed. [He and Jake cover their mouths.]
Jake: Hai!
Finn: Snow blind! [Disappears in a flurry of snow]
Jake: Thin ice, thin ice, thin ice! [Turns 2D and disappears]
Ice King: ...but once you get used to the smell of penguin manure, it's almost tolerable.
[Finn and Jake jump through the air wielding ice ninja weapons.]
Finn: Ice King, hand over that princess!
Ice King: Princess? What?
Finn: Jake, where's the princess?
Jake: Ooh, right.
Ice King: What princess?
Finn: The, um... princess you were just talking to?
Jake: Yeah, the one you just came back from stealin'.
Ice King: Wrong-o. I was at the hospital, for it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
[Gunter shows his egg.]
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!
Jake: Gunther's a woman?!
Ice King: What? No! [Checks under Gunter, then throws him aside] Fuh. Anyway, get out of my house or I'll kill you, et cetera. I want to take a nap in my easy chair. [suddenly gasps] What happened to my recliner?!
Finn: Ohh...
Ice King: My skins and tubs!
Jake: [inhales through his teeth]
Ice King: You even violated my secret sanctum?! What is wrong with you?!
Finn: No princess?
Ice King: No! No princess!
[Finn and Jake's weapons disappear.]
Finn: We messed up, Jake. We're... violators!
Ice King: Yeah, what the heck?! You think you can just wreck my house and wear my collectibles?! [He removes their headbands and throws them on the floor] Hah! Who do you guys think you are?!
Finn: We're... ninjas?
Ice King: You're not ninjas! You're just a couple of jerks!
[Finn and Jake fall to the ground.]
Finn: It's true. [Rises] Ice King, we're gonna make this right.
Ice King: Yeah, do it; make it right. And start by, uh... oh, take my bag over to the cage.
[Finn takes the bag and Ice King laughs. Then muffled noises are heard from the bag and Finn realizes.]
Ice King: Oh, no, no, no! Not that! Never mind! Put that down and go clean my gym equipment.
[Finn opens the bag and out comes Doctor Princess.]
Finn: Doctor Princess!
Ice King: [Nervously] Oh, heh... I have no idea how that got in there!
Finn: What's goin' on?
Dr. Princess: I'll field that one. [Cleans her lenses] The Ice King abducted me while I was distracted by the horrifying beauty of birth.
[Gunter rubs the egg on his face.]
Ice King: Yes, Gunter's ailment was the perfect cover for stealing a princess, M.D.
Dr. Princess: I'm not even a real princess. "Princess" is just a surname. [Jake helps her out of the bag.]
Ice King: Enough! You may have uncovered my princess-smuggling scheme, but you'll never leave this place alive!
[Hits his palm with his fist.]
Jake: [laughs] A couple of ninjas like me and Finn can only be defeated by another ninja!
[The Ice King wraps his beard around his head.]
Ice King: Doot, doo, doooo! [summons an ice sansetsukon] Ninja!
Finn and Jake: Ninja! [They cover their mouths and brandish ice weapons.]
Dr. Princess: What am I... looking at here, exactly?
Finn, Jake and the Ice King: NINJA! [They start to fight.]
Dr. Princess: [To Gunter] So... how is your egg doing?
Gunter: Wenk, wenk.
Dr. Princess: Oh.
[Gunter gets onto the egg and it begins to crack. From it comes a kitten.]
Ice King: [realizes] Gunter! Why didn't you tell me?
Gunter: [shrugs] [like "I don't know"] Weh-weh-wenk.
Ice King: Oh, Gunter...
[Finn and Jake kick Ice King in the face and back, respectively. Then a closing a banner appears.]

Episode ends

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