This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "The Other Tarts" from season 1, which aired on January 3, 2011.

This transcript is complete.


[Episode begins with a zoom through the Galaxy of Flavors.]
Princess Bubblegum: [voice over] In the Kingdom of Ooo there is a galaxy of flavors, but only one taste sensation is amazing enough to kill for—the Royal tart. [Royal tart appears on screen] [four hands appear and split the tart in four] Royal tarts are very rare. They are only eaten at the most sacred gathering in Ooo—the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony [Backrubbers appear, rubbing each other's backs]. The tart is so legendary that countless thieves will risk their lives for just one bite. [Thieves appear and grab the tart, then a bite mark appears on the tart]
[Scene changes to Candy Kingdom]
Princess Bubblegum: My head will be decapitated if the tarts don't make it to the ceremony. I only trust one guy to deliver them... the Royal Tart Toter.
[Royal Tart Toter appears, then zooms back to reveal it is just a picture of him.]
Finn and Jake: Whoa!
Jake: He's magnificent!
Princess Bubblegum: He used to be, but he's gone mad and old. So he can't deliver the tarts anymore. Cinnamon Bun offered to fill the position, but he's kind of...[whispers] half-baked.
Cinnamon Bun: Hey Princess! Here I go! [slowly stands on his head while grunting] I'm stuck.
Finn: Princess, let us deliver the tarts.
Princess Bubblegum: Are you sure Finn? This is really important.
Finn: [getting down on one knee] Princess, I have never been more sure of anything in my whole life! [rubs the princess' hand on his face] I'll do anything it takes to keep you alive and safe. We won't let you down.
Princess Bubblegum: Well... I accept your offer.
[Scene changes to a factory where Jelly Bean People are working.]
Princess Bubblegum: Welcome to the Tartorium!
Finn: [looking at some tarts, along with Jake] Wow. [along with Jake] They're so beautiful.
Princess Bubblegum: No, boys. Those are the reject tarts, full of imperfections. [lifts container full of tarts] These are the perfect tarts... [she kisses the container] safely packed into one of my anti-gravity tote chambers.
[She hands them the chamber]
Finn and Jake: Tote sweet!
Princess Bubblegum: Now, I want you to tote those tarts through that tunnel. [she takes out her holo-pendant and shows them a map] The Royal Tart Path takes you directly to the Royal Congressional Hall in the Bad Lands. The path is really safe and well protected, but keep your eyes open for any sign of danger, okay?
Finn: Mmm hmm.
Jake: Yep.
Princess Bubblegum: Good. Now here's your map. [gives them the holo-pendant]
Finn: [picking up a beaker] Hey Princess, what are all these bubbling chemicals all over the place?
Princess Bubblegum: That's paralyzing potion, Finn! Don't touch it. It'll paralyze you forever! [she laughs nervously]
Finn: Oh. [he puts the potion back]
Princess Bubblegum: Thank you, boys.[steps into an elevator] And remember, my head is on the line! [She pulls her head back before the elevator doors close on her.]
Jake: All right, let's hit it. [starts to move towards the tunnel]
Finn: Wait. I got a sick plan! [He takes an empty anti-gravity chamber, fills it with reject tarts, pours some paralyzing potion on them, and sets the pack on Cinnamon Bun's back, and the two laugh.]
Finn: Go!
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [He walks into the tunnel waving good-bye.] Bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye!
Finn: Goodbye! You'll be fine! Hahaha!
Jake: Bye! Goodbye!
[All three say that at the same time]
Jake: Heh, that was fun, but why'd you do it?
Finn: Look, everyone expects the tarts to on that Royal Tart Path. Cinnamon Bun will be our decoy while we take the one path no thief expect a tart toter to take: the Desert of Doom!
[The scene changes to the Desert of Doom in the Bad Lands, with Finn and Jake walking with Anti-Gravity Chamber]
Jake: I guess this is it.
Finn: Huh, not as scary as I thought it'd be.
Jake: Yeah, man, mostly just looks empty. I mean, what thief would ever hang out here? There's nothing to steal!
Finn: You know, I think my plan might be kinda brilliant. I mean, I'm not saying I'm the brilliant, but it's a pretty brilliant plan, I think.
Jake: True, true. This place is perfect for toting tarts.
Finn: Yeah, and the Back-Rubbing Ceremony is right over those mountains. [points to mountains] This tart tote is gonna be a total tart walk.
Jake: Heheheh, yeah. Ohh, wait! Hold up!
Finn: What is it?
Jake: Shh. [sniffs] It's a campfire—close by.
Finn: [gasps] Does it smell like a tart thief's campfire?
Jake: Maybe.
Finn: Better check it out—can't be too careful. [pats the tart pack]
[The scene switches to three hobos roasting a sausage]
Taddle: D-d-don't burn it now, Grimby.
Grimby: Hush. [blows sausage] I ain't gon' burn it.
[Finn and Jake see this and hide]
Finn: Crud! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!
Jake: What? Whatcha sayin'?
Finn: Those are dirty tart burglers!
Jake: I think they're just dirty hobos.
Finn: No, man, they are cold-blooded tart destroyers and we have to get them before they get us.
Jake: Why?
Finn: They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealin' our tarts!
Jake: Oh, yeah.
[The scene switches to the hobos]
Taddle: But how come JJ gets to hold it, Grimby?
[Jake appears, transformed into a monster, and the hobos are scared]
Jake: Rawr! [hits Taddle]
[Grimby tries to eat the beans but Finn hits him]
[Jake kicks JJ]
Finn: Yeah, go on, get! We'll mash you up crazy! [Points at Grimby] You! Listen up and tell your friends: the next time you wanna steal one of our tarts—!
Grimby: [gasps] You got tarts?
Finn: You know we do! And the next time you want to steal one—! [JJ approaches the tart pack] You picture this guy right here [points to Jake] chewin' on your brain! [JJ inserts his arm into the tart pack, but it sounds an alarm] What the—?! [JJ steals some tarts] That thing's gettin' the tarts!
[Jake reaches for him, but JJ jet-packs away with the tarts]
Finn: Son of a—.
[JJ lands in the distance, and the other hobos approach him]
Taddle and Grimby: We eatin' good tonight! [They fly away with JJ]
[Jake returns to its normal shape and observes the tart pack]
Jake: Uh-oh, man, he got, like, five or six!
Finn: But... my brilliant plan.
Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
Finn: What the—? [The hologram of Princess appear immediately]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Hey, Finn.
Finn: [shrieks] [falls on his back]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: I'm just checking in using the holo-pendant. How are my tarts doing?
Finn: They're, um... th-they're—
Jake: They're radical! No tart problems here!
Finn: Uhh, yeah! Right! Everything's, uh—bazoobs! Oh, look, something is eclipsing the sun. It's so dark now. [Save the Holo-pendant in his hat ]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Finn? Finn! Oh, well, I'll see you soon enough!
Holo-Pendant: Transmission complete.
Jake: I think the plan went awry.
Finn: No! All this was just some freak bad luck, but we still got some tarts and the princess is still safe.
Jake: Oh, yeah, and who knows what kind of freaky things would have happened if we took the Royal Tart Path? [Finn puts on the tart pack] Heheh, old Cinnamon Bun's probably got his hands full.
[The scene changes to the Cinnamon Bun on the Royal Tart Path]
Cinnamon Bun: Bye! Goodbye! Bye-bye!
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Hello!
Cinnamon Bun: Hello!
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Cinnamon Bun: Okay. [whistles and gives the container to the Guard]
[They approach another guard]
Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 1: Okay.
[Several guards in a row help as Cinnamon Bun continues whistling]
Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 2: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 3: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 4: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 5: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 6: Okay.
Royal Tart Path Guard 8: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Royal Tart Path Guard 7: Okay.
[The scene changes to the Bad Lands]
Finn: You know what? Even though it totally wasn't our fault, it's probably for the best that we lost those tarts. [They enter a giant skull of an animal]
Jake: Huh? How?
Finn: Well, it's like a reminder to really stay sharp and play it extra safe.
[They leave the skull]
Finn: For instance, take this scary cavern, here. No sane person would ever bring a tart down there. So...
Jake: So no thieves!
Finn: Exactly.
Jake: You are on a roll today, buddy!
[They enter the cave]
[The scene inside the cave, everything is completely dark, only you can see the eyes of the characters who move through it]
Finn: P.U.!
Jake: Yeah, P.U.!
[A deep sniff is heard]
Finn: Jake?
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: Hey, man, did you just, like, sniff my butt?
Jake: Uh, just now?
Finn: Yeah.
Jake: No.
Finn: Huh. Alright.
[They keep walking, and Jake hums a tune]
Jake: Hmm. Hey, Finn?
Finn: Yeah, Jake?
Jake: Did you just, uh, lick me—all the way up my arm?
Finn: No.
Jake: Hmm. Strange.
Finn: Jake, let me see those matches.
[Finn lights a match and they realize they are surrounded by Chuds]
Finn & Jake: [scream]
[The scene goes black while Finn and Jake scream and fighting noises are heard. They get thrown out of the cave.]
Jake: Uh-oh! Man, we got got! There's only two left!
Finn: What?!
Holo-Pendant: Incoming transmission from Princess Bubblegum.
Finn: Aaaaah!
[Finn throws the Holo-Pendant]
Princess Bubblegum [Hologram]: Hello?
Finn: We blew it, man! My plan sucked—it sucked all along—but I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB is gonna get got, and it's all my fault!
Jake: Whoa, whoa, take it easy, buddy. We've still got two whole tarts left. PB is gonna be fine.
[A butterfly lands on the tart pack]
Finn: You really think so?
Jake: Yeah, why not?
Butterfly: Hey! Keep off them tarts!
Finn: Huh?
Butterfly Bandit: I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile?!
Finn: But I—
Bandit Butterfly: Right the bazoobs now! [Pulls out his laser gun]
Jake: Finn, he's got a laser gun!
[The butterfly shoots, and Finn & Jake move away]
Bandit Butterfly: Yeah! That's it. Alright, [Grabs the tart pack and flies off] now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See youse later!
Finn: It's over. PB's gonna get croaked.
Jake: Mmm, yeah—or... we could smash in there and stop Congress from chopping her head off.
Finn: You're right! Jake, let's go save Princess Bubblegum!
[The scene changes to the Royal Congressional Hall]
[Finn and Jake enter]
Backrubbers: Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
[Finn and Jake see Princess Bubblegum bring her face to the table while a Backrubber raises his axe. Finn's eyes go big in terror.]
Finn: NOOOOO!!!!
[The guy with the ax makes the cut]
Finn: Aaaaah! ... Huh?
[The ax is revealed to have merely chopped a tart]
Princess Bubblegum: Another perfectly chopped tart!
[The crowd cheers and Princess Bubblegum takes a picture]
Princess Bubblegum: Let the annual Back-Rubbing Ceremony begin!
Finn: Dude, they were just slicing tarts!
Jake: And there's Cinnamon Bun over there!
Cinnamon Bun: Hey!
Finn: He must have delivered the decoys...
Finn and Jake: the ones we poisoned!
[The princess is about to eat a tart]
Finn: Nooo!
[Finn slaps the tart away]
Finn: Princess, don't eat that tart!
Princess Bubblegum: Okay! Jeez, Finn, I won't eat that tart. I'll eat this other tart instead!
[She stuffs it in her mouth]
Finn: No, Princess, no!
[She becomes immobilized]
Finn: The princess has been paralyzed!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm not paralyzed! I'm gripped with the flavor!
Finn: That means we must have been carrying the poisoned tarts all along!
[The Butterfly bandit is shown with a tart, falling through the sky, paralyzed.]
Finn: Yep! All part of my master plan.
Jake: Psht! Whatever, man. Heh heh.
Princess Bubblegum: Excuse me! What is this about poisoned tarts and alternate plans?
Finn: I-I—alright, here it comes. [blushes] I had a brilliant plan to tote the tarts along a dangerous path, but I mucked it up. [sighs] You oughtta give this toter job to Cinnamon Bun. He's the real hero.
Cinnamon Bun: [laughs] Yeah! [He does a flip into the punch bowl]
Finn: I'm sorry for not following your instructions and for lying to you about it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, Finn, I forgive you—'cause I lied to you, too! They weren't going to decapitate me; I just said that so you guys wouldn't eat the tarts!
Finn: Oh!
Princess Bubblegum: So I guess we're even.
[She hugs Finn, and he blushes.]
Finn: Uhh, yeah, I guess so.
[The Royal Tart Toter bursts in, holding a squirrel and a hen]
Royal Tart Toter: Ladies and gentlemen! The Royal Tarts have arrived.
Backrubbers: [gasp]
Princess Bubblegum: The old Tart Toter! [whispering] Nobody move! He can't see or hear, but he can feel your movement.
Royal Tart Toter: Hello? Eat my tarts? This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively, but if sweetness can win—and it can—[The background changes to the Galaxy of Flavors with Lumpy Space Princess passing by] then I'll still be here tomorrow, to high-five you yesterday, my friends. Peace.
[Lumpy Space Princess grabs a passing donut, while the Royal Tart Toter drifts into the distance]
Finn: Sheesh!

Episode ends