This article is a transcript of the Adventure Time episode "Trouble in Lumpy Space" from season 1, which aired on April 5, 2010.

This transcript is complete.


[The episode begins at Princess Bubblegum's Mallow Tea Ceremony. She, Finn, Jake, Lumpy Space Princess, and Hot Dog Princess are there.]
Finn: [bouncing:] Whoop! Huh?
Jake: [bouncing:] Whoop!
Lumpy Space Princess: [floating:] Whoopiiieee...
Princess Bubblegum: Cheers, Lumpy Space Princess.
[Everyone cheers.]
Jake: Bouncing!
Finn: Princess, this tea party sucks in a big way! But thanks for the invite!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, don't worry, Finn. The Mallow Tea Ceremony takes years to master.
Finn: Princess! I think I just now mastered it! [Tea splashes in his face.] One more bounce. [Bounces down] Alright! [Hits the ground] Unh! Tea partying's hard, huh, Jake?
Jake: [Hits the ground] Oof! Yes!
Lumpy Space Princess: What?! No way! It's super easy!
Finn: Lumpy Space Princess, you big faker! You're floating, not bouncing!
Lumpy Space Princess: Fine. I'll prove it. [She stops floating] Huh? Ah! Oh, no! [Bounces down] Oh, snap! [She lands with her teeth on Jake's leg.]
Lumpy Space Princess: [Muffled:] Oh. Sorry I bit your leg.
Jake: You're still biting me!!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, my gosh. Oh, right. Sorry.
Finn: Dude! Your leg!
Jake: This is... new. It's nothin' ominous, though. Just a bump.
Lumpy Space Princess: Nah, that's no bump. It's the early stage of the lumps.
Finn: Is it serious?
Lumpy Space Princess: It just means he's changing into a Lumpy Space guy, on account of my bite. It's just like, um, y'know... werewolf rules? [Imitating a werewolf] Ar, rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr rawr!
Finn: Oh, no!
Jake: What? You think I'm gonna turn all lumpy like her? Get outta here. [Arm suddenly lumps up] Wha? Finn, I think I'm freakin' out!
Finn: Calm down, bud! I'll... I'll sock the lumpiness outta ya!
[Teacup falls on the ground and shatters.]
Princess Bubblegum: Hey, now! [Bouncing down] Royal intervention! Surely there must be an antidote to the lumps.
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. There's an antidote, but you have to go all the way to Lumpy Space to get it. And Jake has to use it by sunset.
Princess Bubblegum: What happens if he doesn't take the antidote by sunset?
Lumpy Space Princess: He'll be lumpy, like, forever.
Finn: LSP, please! Can you tell us how to reach Lumpy Space?
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, I mean, there's a portal nearby. I can show you whenever.
Finn and Jake: [Exiting with Lumpy Space Princess] Take us now! Take us now!
Princess Bubblegum: [Intestines grumble] I should not have drunk that much tea! [Runs off]
Lumpy Space Princess: Don't go telling everyone about this portal or whatever. It's kind of a secret.
[Finn and Jake look around.]
Finn: Where is it?
Lumpy Space Princess: Portal's that Frog and mushroom.
[Frog jumps on mushroom with a ribbit.]
Frog: Password, please.
Lumpy Space Princess: [yells] Whatevers2009!!
Frog: Good day, Princess. Is your father okay with you entering Lumpy Space with two... [puffs out his chest] non-Lumpers?
Finn: [Whispering to Lumpy Space Princess] Just say yes! Yes, yes, yes!
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever, fine.
[The frog extends its tongue to the three and sucks them into his mouth, transporting them to Lumpy Space.]
[Scene changes to Lumpy Space. Finn is thrown toward a lumpy cloud where LSP and Jake are waiting for him.]
Finn: AAAAH!! Whoa... Lumpy Space. So, where's the antidote?
Lumpy Space Princess: Hold it. First, you should check out my house. It's, like, kind of lame, but way less lame than, like, your house.
Jake: Uh, could you skip to the part where you tell us where the antidote is?
Lumpy Space Princess: It's up there at Makeout Point.
Finn: That's so close! We can run there in no... [Camera pans up, revealing that Makeout Point is across an abyss.] ...time. Aww, what?!! It's, like, a million-mile fall into space!
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah. You have to travel by car in my world, or else you'll fall into the Lumpy Abyss.
Lumpy Space King: Daughter!! Have you brought smooth people into our domain?!
Lumpy Space Princess: I had to, Dad... I'm trying to help them, so don't lumping yell at me!
Lumpy Space Queen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! What did you just say?!?
Lumpy Space Princess: I SAID, "LUMP OFF," MOM!!! [yells gibberish angrily, then pants heavily]
Finn: Uh...
Lumpy Space Princess: [To Finn:] WHAT?!?!
Finn: Vroom vroom??
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, yeah. [To parents:] I need to borrow the car.
Lumpy Space King: You have made your mother cry for the last time, daughter! You are hereby banned from using the royal car!! [walks inside house and slams the door]
Lumpy Space Princess: Shucks! I lumping hate them! I'm really, really sorry, Finn. But I can't help you because my parents are horrible idiots.
Finn: Don't you know anyone else with a car?
Lumpy Space Princess: My friend Melissa has a car. But she's dating my ex-boyfriend Brad.
Finn: [frustrated] Call her NOW.
Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [pulls out cellphone] [LSP says to her phone:] Call BFF 66.
[Elsewhere, Melissa's phone rings.]
Melissa: [answering] Hello?
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey, Melissa. What's up?
Finn: What's she saying?
Lumpy Space Princess: [whispering to Finn] I'm asking her, jeez! Melissa, just listen!
Melissa: Have you forgotten what day it is?
Lumpy Space Princess: Melissa. I'm trying to help out some friends.
Melissa: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, Glob. I forgot.
Finn: What'd she say?
Lumpy Space Princess: Tonight is the weekly Promcoming Dance! [To Melissa, in excitement:] It's gonna be so flipping awesome!
Finn: [exasperated] LSP, we don't have time for this. Ask for the ride, LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh—[Finn takes the cellphone] [LSP continues to say oh a couple of times until she realizes her phone is missing] Wha?!
Finn: [To Melissa, imitating Lumpy Space Princess:] Melissa, [Lumpy Space Princess tries to retrieve her phone while Finn continues.] you should totally drive us to Makeout Point to make out with hot boys!
Melissa: LSP, you're so baaaaad... be there in a sec!
Finn: Biyah. [hangs up]
Lumpy Space Princess: Hmm. [takes phone back]
Finn: [Normal voice:] Sorry. But Jake's lumpiness is worsening!
Jake: Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower! [Part of his head bulges up.] [flatly:] Oh, my. [Forces lump back into body]
Lumpy Space Princess: Yeah, whatever. Just don't mess with my phone again.
[Melissa arrives on her car.]
Melissa: Hi!
[Melissa drives into Finn, knocking him over.]
Finn: Ugh... OKAY! Let's go, let's go, let's go!!
[They ride off, and Melissa's "SXY-LMP" liscense plate is revealed. Electronic music plays.]
Jake: Aw, Finn, this music ducks, right? [suddenly in a lumpy accent:] Ah. I love this song. We should totally TP Shandala's house! [in normal voice:] Gracious! That was terrible! Finn, if you can't save me from the lumps... if I do turn... if I become lumpy like them, I want you to—
Finn: [while embracing Jake:] It's not gonna come to that. But if it does, I'll bury you beneath the nicest, most shadiest tree!
Jake: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I'm saying that if I go totally lumpy, then I want you to get used to lumpy Jake. What did you think I was sayin'?
Finn: Oh, um... [awkwardly] Heh heh. [angrily towards Melissa:] CAN'T THIS CAR GO ANY FASTER?!
Melissa: We're already here! Hi, Finn.
Lumpy Space Princess: We've been here for, like, five minutes.
Finn: Finally! Huh? This doesn't look like Makeout Point.
Melissa: This is Brad's house. You wanted a ride to Makeout Point? You think I want to make out with you?!
Finn: Uh...
Melissa: [blushing] Well, maybe I do, but... wait. [angrily:] I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, FINN!! [throws Finn down]
Finn: LSP, we gotta hurry! Jake's running out of time!
Lumpy Space Princess: Hey. This is hard for me, too. I mean, I used to eat chili cheese fries with Brad... so there's gonna be a lot of romantic tension on this ride!
Brad: Hey.
Melissa: Oh, Braaaaad... [giggles]
Brad: You miss me yet, LSP?
Lumpy Space Princess: [sullenly:] Scooch over, Finn. I'm gonna sit in the back.
[Scene changes to when they arrive at Makeout Point]
Lumpy Space Princess: This is it.
[Melissa parks the car.]
Finn: Let's go!
Lumpy Space Princess: Wait. Watch yourself, Finn. The guys who use the antidote up here are notorious for being... [whispering:] smooth posers.
Finn: What does that mean?
Lumpy Space Princess: It just means what it means. Hurry. Get the antidote so we can get outta here.
Finn: Thanks, LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: BUUUUMPS.
Jake: Um... bumps.
Finn: Uh, yeah, bumps.
[Jake's skin bulges up more.]
Jake: Aw, man!
[They hurry over and come to three Lumpy Space People, Glasses, Monty, and Lenny.]
Finn: Hey, guys. Lookin' smooth!
Glasses: Really? You think we're smooth?
Finn: Well, mostly you in the center, but yeah!
Monty: Why are you sucking up to us?
Finn: My best friend needs an antidote for lumpiness.
Lenny: Chyah, lumpiness suuucks. Hey, Monty, time's up, sphere-hog! [Lenny pushes Monty off an sphere he was sitting on. Monty becomes lumpy.] My turn! [Lenny sits on the sphere and becomes smooth.]
Finn: So the antidote is in that orb you were sitting on!
Lenny: This orb is the antidote, bruh.
Finn: Can my friend borrow it?
Lenny: Yeah, sure, as long as you give it right back. [Tosses Finn the sphere and becomes lumpy]
Finn: Hammacow. Thanks, fellas.
[Lumpy Space Princess enters.]
Lumpy Space Princess: What's taking so long? Did those smooth-heads give you the orb already, or what?
[Lenny takes the sphere back.]
Finn: Wait!!
Lenny: Is this another friend of yours?
Lumpy Space Princess: What do you care? Just give 'em the antidote already, and stop being such a poser.
Monty: Sorry, kid. [exiting with Lenny and Glasses:] We changed our minds.
Finn: Why did you have to say all those rude things to them?!
Lumpy Space Princess: What? I was helping you.
Finn: [sarcastically:] Thanks a lot! [sincerely:] They were right about to hand over the antidote!
Lumpy Space Princess: [bitterly:] You're welcome a lot.
Finn: You insulted them! And they got mad! And now Jake's gonna be lumpy forever! This is all your fault!!
Lumpy Space Princess: Wow. Now I know how you really feel. I was just trying to help, but whatever. [raising her voice:] No. No, not whatever! I know I mess things up sometimes, but I'm really trying! And you're supposed to be my friend! [tearing up] Not like the fake ones I have here! So do what you want! I'm going to Promcoming! Are you coming or not, Lumpy Jake?
Jake: No. Because no matter how messed up and lumpy I get, this guy never turns his back on me! [Completely transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Right behind ya. Just gotta turn my back on this guy. [Literally does so then exits]
Finn: JAKE! IT'S ALMOST SUNSET!! [to himself:] Jake... I didn't save him... I... [Yells wildly and angrily and then punches the ground repeatedly.] I'LL KILL YOU, LUMPY SPAAAAAACE!!
Monty: Jam on, man!
Finn: Huh? I thought you guys left!
Monty: We were drawn back by your plaintive wail. We dig your directionless fury.
Finn: Um, thanks.
Monty: Respect. Here. [Tosses Finn the sphere.] Take it. Win your girl back!
Finn: Yeah, there's no girl. But there is still time to save Jake! Do you guys know where Promcoming is?
Monty: Promcoming takes place way down on that land-lump.
Finn: Awesome. Do any of y'all have wheels?
Monty: Nah. We were all ditched here just like you.
Finn: Well... you think I can make it to that land-lump if I jumped off this cliff?
Monty: You kidding?! A smoothie like you will plummet right into the eternal void!
Finn: What if I was lumpy? Could I float over?
Lenny: No, no! It's too dangerous!
Glasses: I'd say there's a 50/50 chance of you making it!
Finn: That's good enough for me. Now bite me!!
[The three respond in disbelief all at once, then Finn forces them to bite him.]
Finn: [turning lumpy exceedingly quickly:] Yes! I can feel the multiple bites accelerating the lumpification process! I'm starting to float!
Lenny: Don't jump, guy!!
Finn: I have to! For my buddy. [Jumps.] RAAAAAAGH!!!!
Glasses: Wow. He's insane.
[Finn successfully lands through the roof of Promcoming.]
Finn: Ah, I made it! And there he is!
Jake: Yeah! Promcoming! Yeah! Cool!
Finn: Jake! I'm mostly lumpy now! And I totally think you should sit on this sphere!
Jake: No!
[Finn tries to force him to sit on it to no avail.]
Finn: Sit on it!
Jake: [Slaps sphere down] No!!
Finn: Please, Jake! You're my best friend! Just sit on the sphere!
Jake: Chyah! I remember you! You're just a smoothie wannabe lumpy poser!
Finn: Sit on it!! Before I turn completely lumpy!!
Jake: NO!!
Finn: Oh, no! I can feel the lumpiness... about to consume me!! [Fully transforms into a Lumpy Space person.] Oh, yah. Being lumpy's the best.
Jake: Hey. Stop talkin' to yourself, dumb guy. Take your ball and get outta here.
Finn: Fine. I don't want you to have it anyway.
Jake: So I can't have it now, eh?
Finn: That's right. It's mine.
Finn: NO! You can't have it!
Jake: I want it! Give it to me!
Finn: You want it that bad? Go get it, then!
Jake: Bumps, bi— [Sits on the sphere and turns back to normal.] [gasps] Oh, I'm not lumpy anymore! Oh, no. Finn buddy! You gotta sit on this!
Finn: No! You can't make me! Smooth—OOF! [Runs into a muscular Lumpy Space person and gets knocked out.]
Jake: Finn! Hey, Finn! Hey, buddy! Finn
Finn: [waking up:] Huh?
Jake: Hey, dude. We made it.
Finn: Man... There's something cold under my butt. [Noticing sphere:] Oh! [laughs] The antidote! Just in time, too! LSP, I'm sorry I blew up at you before. I didn't mean it. I was just really stressed out.
Lumpy Space Princess: You know, it's fine. You and Jake can make it up to me by dancing this last dance with me.
Finn: Sounds good to me. Whaddaya say, Jake?
Jake: [Lumpy voice:] That sounds totally lame.
[Everyone gasps]
Jake: [Normal voice, laughs] I'm just kidding. Let's dance!
[Everyone resumes dancing and the episode ends]