Copyright Pendleton Ward. No infringement intended.
(The episode starts with Finn sleeping under a tree and Fionna making breakfast, Finn wakes up and rushes to Fionna)
Finn: (Yawning) Mornin' Fionna.
Fionna: Mornin' Finn.
Finn: Whatcha makin'?
Fionna: Bacon and eggs
(Stove blows up in their faces)
Fionna: Lesson learned: never use Westinghouse products! They're not reliable!
(Finn mops his face)
Finn: Ah, well. Let's go find a restaurant in a town.
Fionna: Wish we had a nice house to live in. Nomadic life is too hard. And lonely.
Finn: At least we have each other.
(They walk for a bit until Lady Rainicorn comes flying by with Prince Gumball on her back; Gumball is muttering angrily to himself)
Finn: Whoa! What was that?!
Fionna: Look! It's Princess Bubblegum's rainicorn! She looked like she was crying.
Finn: And her brother, Prince Gumball! He looked pretty angry.
Fionna: Well, let's go cheer them up. To the max!
Fionna: Yeah! Yeah, let's do it!
(They begin to run)
Finn: Woo hoo!
(Chase after Lady Rainicorn)
Lady Raincorn: (Crying)
Finn: Hey! What's wrong!?
Lady Rainicorn: (Still crying)
Prince Gumball: Well-
Finn: Wanna hear a funny joke!?
Lady Rainicorn: (Cries even louder)
Prince Gumball: Are you retarded or-
Lady Rainicorn: (Cries frantically)
Finn: Who's there?
Lady Rainicorn: (Cries even more)
Finn: Woowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoowoo, who?
Prince Gumball: You insensitive little puke! Excelsior, LR!
Lady Rainicorn: (Crys and flies away)
Fionna: Bro, that wasn't very funny.
Finn: She's flying into the Ice Kingdom.
Fionna: Aw, the Ice King is an oxymoron.
Finn: Seriously. But what are we gonna do?
Fionna: Survey the situation.
(Pulls out binoculars and looks at Ice King's castle, Ice King is shooting Ice lighting at Lady Rainicorn, Pen sighs)
Fionna: What's up?
Finn: The Ice King is throwing frozen lightning bolts at the Rainicorn.
Fionna: (Puts on the binoculars) That guy is a total patoot.
Finn: He's like 50 patoots!
(Ice King continues to shoot frozen lighting at Lady Rainicorn, Princess Bubblegum is behind him)
Fionna: Whoa! And there's Princess Bubblegum!
Finn: (sigh) The Ice King is always stealing Princesses. We're going in turbo time! (puts on a sweater) You want your sweater?
Fionna: I'd be crazy not. (Jumps in air) Howop! (Sweater is thrown up onto Fionna and she comes down) Let's do it!
Finn: What time is it?
Finn & Fionna: Adventure time!
(Jump into the Ice Kingdom)
(Fall into a horde of penguins and use them to skate down a mountain)
Fionna: That was totally math!
Finn: Rhombus! Iceclops!
Iceclops: Did somebody say my name?
(Finn and Fionna scream and jump in a ditch)
Finn: That was close!
Fionna: Oh my Glob!
(Fionna grabs snow, turns it into snowballs and puts it in a Radio Flyer that mysteriously showed up)
Pen: Let's roll!
Iceclops: (Godzilla roar)
Finn: Ice to meet you! (Throws snowballs at it)
Iceclops: Hey, cut it out!
Finn: Snow Golem!
Snow Golem: (Mumbles)
(Finn throws snowballs in its eyes and it crys)
Finn: Flame Person!
Flame Princess (Fire Form): I'm lost. Can you direct me towards the Fire Kingdom?
Finn: That way.
Flame Princess: Thanks.
Finn: Snow problem! (Flame Princess laughs as she flies off) I wonder if I'll ever see that girl again...
Fionna: Maybe someday, Finn. The universe works in weird ways.
(Ice King cackles)
Finn: Hey, Ice King! Stop it!
(Finn and Fionna scale the mountain to Ice King's window)
Ice King (Tom Kenny's voice): What? Get lost, boy! You and your friend can't harm me.
Finn: She's not my friend! She's my twin sister! (Jumpkicks Ice King in the face)
(They fall into the Ice King's castle and begin to fight)
Fionna: Why are you always predatorating on ladies?
Ice King: Well, uh... I'm going to make one marry me.
Finn: That's stupid!
Ice King: Your hats are stupid!
Finn and Fionna: Our hats are awesome! (Jumpkick him again)
Ice King: (With Ice lighting in his hands) I have you now! (Freezes Finn)
Fionna: FINN, NO!
(Scene changes to Mars)
Finn: What's going on? Ab...Abraham Lincoln?
Lincoln: Finn, your mind has been transported back in time and to Mars.
(Curiosity drills into a rock)
Lincoln: It doesn't matter, but what does matter is you need to believe in yourself.
(scene switches back to the Ice Kingdom)
(Finn breaks out of the ice, Ice King is laughing and carries Princess Bubblegum to the window)
Princess Bubblegum (Hynden Walch's voice): Finn!
(Ice King flies out window)
Fionna: Let's roll!
Prince Gumball: Sorry I misjudged you, Finn and Fionna. Hop on!
(Finn, Fionna, Prince Gumball and Lady Rainicorn go after Ice King and Princess Bubblegum; When they catch up Finn jumps at them in slow motion and grabs Princess Bubblegum)
Ice King: Wait, what just happened?
(They fall and Lady Rainicorn catches them)
Finn & Princess Bubblegum: Yay!
Ice King: What?! Oh, come on! That is soooo not fair! Guess I should go to Plan B.
Fionna: Hey, sloppy milkshake!
Ice King: Wha?
Fionna: Why don't you find an Ice Queen or something?
Ice King: You're no match for my magical crown which I can't...remember where I got it from
(Fionna punches off the crown)
Ice King: (falling) My powers! NO! Somebody help! GUNTER! CATCH ME, SWEETIE! PLEASE! Wait, who's that on the ground? NO! NOT THE WORM KING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Back on the ground)
Finn: There you go, Princess. You are free.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you, brave knight.
Finn: Oh, I'm not a knight. I'm a boy.
Fionna: And I'm a girl. And Finn's twin sister.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, then, thank you, brave boy. (Kisses Finn on the forehead and he blushes)
Finn: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Fionna: Wonder how long this is going to last?
Finn: Hopefully forever.
Princess Bubblegum: (Giggles)
Finn: We got to go, okay, bye, princess. Bye.
Fionna: Where do we go from here, Finn?
Finn: Not sure.
Fionna: Wait, what's that?
(They look upon a massive treehouse)
Finn: Looks like a house.
Fionna: An unoccupied house! Look! A for-sale sign!
Finn: No, it says "Take this place, no charge. It's been unoccupied for 200 years, but is still very much in pristine condition thanks to me."
Fionna: Who signed it?
Finn: Someone named "Edana". Hey, now that we have a house...
(Pulls BMO out of backpack)
Finn: Finally, a place with outlets! Now we can charge BMO!
Finn and Fionna: YAY!