(The episode begins with Fionna playing with a Rubix Cube, while Finn and Edana are trying to build a stick fort using twigs)
Fionna: What'ya guys building?
(Finn stops building the stick fort)
Finn: Uhm, it's just a little stick fort.
Edana: For the defense of the Grasslands.
Fionna: Oh rad!
(Fionna gets out an Obi-Wan Kenobi LEGO Minifigure to play with the Stick Fort)
Fionna: Look. It's just Obi-Wan's size.
(Finn, Fionna and Edana laugh while Obi-Wan "climbs" onto the top of the fort)
Fionna: (Role-Playing; Imitating Ewan McGregor) Quick! Defend the fort from that Separatists-controlled Rancor!
Finn: I like it when you use a LEGO Minifigure.
(Obi-Wan picks up a leaf from one of the sticks)
Fionna: Yeah me too.
(Stick fort starts shaking mysteriously)
Fionna (Obi-Wan): All troops retreat!
(The fort smashes into pieces, Obi-Wan and Peppermint Butler appear from underneath the broken stick fort pieces)
Finn: (Surprised) Woah, Peppermint Butler! When did you become a mole?
Peppermint Butler: Finn, Fionna, Flame Princess. The Princess wants to see you.
Edana: Ex-Flame Princess!
(Scene changes to the Candy Kingdom, with Finn, Fionna, Edana and Princess Bubblegum walking down a set of stairs)
Princess Bubblegum: As princess of Candy Kingdom, I'm in charge of a lot of candy people, not counting Lemongrab. They rely on me, I can't imagine what might happen to them if I was gone. And after my brush with death, at the hands of the Lich, that caused that whole Lemongrab thing that caused Finn so much angst-
Edana (Thoughts): Oh, so NOW she acknowledges it! Real nice breakthrough.
Princess Bubblegum: (while yawning) I realized something (Stops yawning). I'm not gonna live forever guys. (Whispers) I would if I could.
(They stare at Bubblegum)
Princess Bubblegum: The modern science just isn't there yet.
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana look at each other while Bubblegum is talking)
Princess Bubblegum: (While unlocking a door) So I engineered a replacement who can live forever.
(The door unlocks and Bubblegum opens it)
(Finn, Fionna and Edana stare)
Princess Bubblegum: I call her: Goliad.
Edana: WHAT THE HECK IS THAT THING?!
(Finn and Fionna walk towards Goliad, with Edana hiding behind Finn)
Finn and Fionna: (Finn)Wow! (Fionna) Aww she's cute.
(Fionna tries to climb in her tub but Goliad pushes her out)
(Fionna laughs in response while Finn walks closer towards Goliad, Edana still hiding behind him)
Finn: Hi Goliad, I'm Finn.
Fionna: And I'm Fionna.
Finn: And this girl behind me is my girlfriend Edana. I think she's hiding from you because she's a bit scared of you.
Goliad: Hi Finn, Hi Fionna. Hi Edana.
Finn: Hi Goliad.
Goliad: (quietly) Hi Finn.
(Princess Bubblegum sits on a small seat)
Finn: What did you use to make her?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, uhm... (starts brushing Goliads's paw with a brush) Pretty standard candy creature soup.
(Scene changes to a flashback of Princess Bubblegum trying to create Goliad)
(Bubblegum pours in candy soup with Cinnamon Bun inside it into a mixture of a unknown green sludge)
Princess Bubblegum (not in flashback): Some acids. Tried putting Cinnamon Bun in there to finally be rid of that retard.
(Bubblegum pours scientific acids into the mixture while Cinnamon bun climbs out of the green mixture)
Princess Bubblegum: But it failed. Also, some algebra.
(Bubblegum scrapes chalk dust of the small chalkboard into the mixture)
(Bubblegum then pulls out a necklace that has a miniature treasure chest on it)
Princess Bubblegum: (While picking out one of her baby teeth from the treasure chest) And I threw in one of my baby teeth so she had my DNA.
(Bubblegum throws the tooth into the mixture and starts stirring. It mixture turns and starts glowing in a hot pink color)
(Scene goes back real time, inside the Candy Kingdom, Edana is STILL hiding behind Finn)
Finn and Fionna: Wow, DNA?!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah. All it takes, is just one little tooth. Or, (pulls out one small strand each of Finn, Fionna, and Edana's hair)a single hair.
Finn: Are you going to use that strand of my hair to make a mother for me and Fionna?
(Bubblegum goes back to brushing Goliad's paw)
Princess Bubblegum: No, but with hair it's all it takes.
(Goliad moves her paw away from the brush but Bubblegum keeps brushing in the same spot where her paw was)
Fionna: Princess Bubblegum, are you okay?
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, I'm good. Haven't slept for a solid 83 hours but... yeah, I'm good.
Finn: Aw, you should go to bed.
Princess Bubblegum: I can't go to bed, Goliad has huge, mondo mama brains.
(Goliad is then seen playing with a bunch of stuck together cubes)
Princess Bubblegum: I still need to fill her with knowledge. (Starts yawning) about how to rule a kingdom. (Stops yawning) Otherwise, she'll be no better than Lemongrab.
(Finn and Fionna go closer towards Bubblegum)
Finn: What? Let us teach her.
Princess Bubblegum: Uhh, okay. I guess that will be alright.
Finn and Fionna: (Finn) Yea! (Fionna) Yea teachers! (Finn) Yea wohoo! (Fionna) Teach, teaching teachers. (Goliad looks at Finn and Fionna)
(Finn and Fionna start running around towards the door, Edana hiding in Finn's pack somehow)
Finn and Fionna: Woow,woow,woow! (Finn) C'mon Goliad.
(Goliad walks with Finn and Fionna outside)
Finn: (While leaving Bubblegum inside Goliad's room) See ya later princess, get some sleep!
(Princess Bubblegum starts mumbling)
Princess Bubblegum: Huh, Bye guys... (Starts sleeping)
(Scene changes to a candy Playground)
Finn: Look Goliad. This is a Pre-school. I'm gonna set up some obstacles and all that for you to learn on, is that ok? (starts patting Goliad)
Goliad: Yea thanks Finn. I'm excited to learn.
Finn: Okay great. Fionna, you go and get some kids from inside to help with the lesson and such.
Fionna: Okay, C'mon Goliad.
Finn: Look, Edana, there's no need to be afraid of Goliad. She's really nice.
Edana: No, not taking any chances! For all I know, Jake'll show up and mess up everything!
Finn: True, so very true.
(Fionna and Goliad walk towards the Pre-school building while Finn and Edana walk away and goes to find some items; Scene changes to inside the preschool room)
(Fionna and Goliad walk inside)
(Fionna and Goliad see the children being naughty and messing around, Jake is in there trying to wrangle them)
(A peanut child growls)
(Fionna notices some two candy people trying to rip one of the children arms off while he is laughing)
(One of them rips his left arm off and starts hitting him with it)
Red Gumball/Candy Child: (While beating him up) Stinking, durken...
(A marshmallow child is seen eating some of the toys, then suddenly a screaming green candy person falls and gets injured right next to him. Then the marshmallow starts beating him up)
(Some more of them are messing with there nanny)
Candy Nanny: Now, now, settle down.
Goliad: Fionna, these kids seem pretty scary.
Fionna: Ah nah these kids ain't nothin! Kids (Starts talking gibberish). Check this out.
(Fionna walks towards the kids)
Jake: Hey there kids, who wants to play-
(Fionna gets interrupted by the kids because they are shouting at her, then start running towards her)
Fionna: Uhh, easy now children. Easy-
(The kids start climbing onto her)
Peanut Child: Get her brain! Get her brain!
(Goliad starts worrying)
Peanut Child: Get his eyes!
(Jake grabs the kids off of Fionna and starts growing into a gigantic size while also turning red)
Jake: Listen up, you kids better stop dunking around, you're gonna mess up Goliad!
(Kids start running in fear and stand by one of the walls)
Jake: It's my way or the highway, get it? I'm Don Juan Cherry Tempo! Now march, glib blob it!
(Kids go outside)
(Jake shrinks back to his normal size)
Jake: Don't be acting all crazy.
Fionna: That demonstration could be the catalyst of disaster.
(Fionna and Goliad go outside with the kids)
(Scene changes to outside of the building with the obstacle course being created)
Fionna: Wow, holy shmow!
(Fionna, Goliad and the kids walk to the obstacle course)
Finn: Oh hey, ya'll are just in time. You ready to pop this croc's back, Goliad?
Goliad: Yeah, I think so Finn. I'v learnt a real lot already so far. Sooo much. From Jake.
(Fionna starts to worry)
Fionna: Uhh, you know Finn maybe this isn't such a good idea actually.
Finn: Oh no it's cool. I got helmets for everybody
(Scene changes to Goliad and the children starting to do the course)
Finn: Okay Goliad, you ready to lead? (Pulling out a stop watch)
Finn: Okay, in 3, 2, 1, (Finn starts the stop watch timer) Go!
(Goliad viciously reacts and starts mimicking Jake from earlier)
Goliad: Alright, listen up! You kids better stop dunking around and get on that ramp!
(Kids start climbing up the ramp in fear)
(Finn, Fionna and Edana start worrying a lot)
Goliad: You're gonna mess up Goliad! I'm Don Juan Cherry Temp-
(Kids start progressing with the course)
Goliad: Cherry Tempo! It's my way or the highway!
(Kid trys to climb up onto to the next rock but Goliad scares him off by mimicking Jake's Bark)
Finn: Stop stop! No Goliad no! Leading isn't about scaring people, you gotta stay calm and use your head. Use that beautiful brain girl.
Goliad: My brain are you sure?
Finn: Yea dont be shy. Try it on me, lead me.
Goliad: Okay Finn.
(A eye comes out of her head and starts to control Finn telepathically)
(Goliad makes Finn do the entire course under Goliad's Telepathic control)
Fionna: Jake, you've gone too far this time!
(Finn hits a bell and falls out of her spell)
Finn: (Starts gasping for breath and coughs) No Goliad, that's wrong too.
(Edana runs to Finn and helps him up)
Finn: You can't just control people or whatever, it's messed up.
Goliad: No Finn, this way good. Everyone did what I wanted. Really fast, no mistakes, calm like you said. This is definitely is the way to lead, definitely.
Finn: Um no no. Wait is that true? (Starts pondering)
Fionna: C'mon Goliad, let's go see Princess Bubblegum.
(Scene changes to Bubblegum's bedroom)
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana burst through her bedroom door)
Finn and Fionna: (Finn) Princess Princess! (Fionna) Goliad's has mind control powers! (Finn) She got the wrong idea about leadership! (Fionna) It's all Jake's fault! He's a bad influence!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh I was afraid this might happen. Where is she now?
Finn and Fionna: (Finn) She's chilling in the garden! (Fionna) We left her outside the garden!
(Scene changes to the garden)
Princess Bubblegum: Hi Goliad.
Goliad: Hi Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: I hear that you learned a lot today.
Goliad: Yes, I learnt like children.
Princess Bubblegum: But Finn said you used yelling and mind control.
Goliad: Yes, it was good.
Princess Bubblegum: Goliad, please, don't turn out like your older brother Lemongrab did. Here, (Gets a bee on her finger) let me tell you about leadership. You see this bee, it's gentle (picks up a flower) and makes the flower happy, and pollinated. They both get what the need.
(Bee gets some pollen from the flower)
Princess Bubblegum: And that's how leaders should be.
(Bee flies towards Goliad)
Goliad: No princess, bee cares not for flower. If Pollen hurts or kills flower, he would not care.(Kills the bee) Bee is stronger than flower.
(Goliad's third eye appears from the top of her head and starts controlling the bee herself)
Goliad: Goliad is stronger than bee. (Controls bee to hurt and annoy Finn, Fionna and Edana) Goliad is stronger than all.
Princess Bubblegum: (Gasps and starts speaking in her mind) Oh no, she's too far gone, too corrupted. She's a failure, like Lemongrab before her, only this time I can't give her her own kingdom. If not careful she can throw an ultra tantrum and wind the castle apart. I will have to disassemble her and try again.
(Goliad reads all of her thoughts knows her plan)
Goliad (Voice suddenly changes to that of Tim Curry's): No princess.
Goliad: (Spinning her head towards Princess Bubblegum) This is my castle now. I'm in control. I make the rules now. Bow down to your new ruler, OR YOU WILL DIE A SLOW, PAINFUL DEATH!
(Goliad pounces on Finn and tries to maul him, but Edana burns her buns, which causes her to let out a Tom Scream and Jump nearly to the top of the castle and destroy a wall)
Goliad: THE LICH WILL DESTROY YOU ALL!
Fionna: This is The Lich's doing!
Finn: Don't worry Princess, we'll stop her.
Princess Bubblegum: No Finn, here's the plan: I'm going to build another candy Sphinx in my lab, it's the only thing that can possibly match her. Just keep her busy til I return. (Starts to run towards the lab) And dont think of the plan, she can read your minds. If she finds out, she'll be the one to finish up where Iran started all those thousand years ago!
(Jake comes along and stretches himself to the top of the castle with Finn, Fionna and Edana)
(They hide around the corner of the destroyed wall and Finn checks to see if the coast is clear but Goliad controls some candy people armed with M-4's to attack but they try to escape)
Candy People: EXTERMINATE!
(Goliad turns a corner and finds them)
(Jake enlarges himself to scare Goliad but starts to read Jake's mind)
Jake: (His thoughts) Uhh, eyeball... Just tuck that eyeball back in it's hole.
(Goliad gets upset and makes Jake eat all of the candy people she is controlling)
Finn: Goliad no! Stop!
Goliad: YOU WILL FALL WITH THE REST OF YOUR CAPITOLIST FRIENDS!
(Jake falls of the edge)
Finn: (Shouting) Jake, dont swallow!
(Goliad trys to read Finn's mind)
Finn: Uhh, your in Finn's bubble.
(Goliad starts reading his mind)
Finn: (In mind) Dont think of the plan, think something else, something else.
(Finn thinks of earlier with Bubblegum)
Finn (In his mind): Don't worry princess, we'll stop her.
(Finn trys to stop thinking of the plan)
Princess Bubblegum (In Finn's mind): No Finn, she's to-
(Finn makes her head look like Mr. T's)
Mr. T head: I pity da fools who try to read Finn's mind!
Princess Bubblegum (Finn's mind): Anyway, like I was saying, she is far to powerful-
(Princess Bubblegum's head blows up and is replaced by the Annoying Orange's head)
Orange: Hey! Hey Goliad! Knife!
(Goliad starts trying to focus more and get deeper into his thoughts)
(Multiple Bubblegum's appear in Finn's mind)
Princess Bubblegum's: Finn, she's far too powerful, here's the plan.
(All the bubblegum's turn into Finn and Fionna as a baby)
Baby Finns: I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man.
(Goliad focuses even more)
Baby Fionnas: I can shake a my FannyI can shake a my- Ahh!
(Baby Finn and Fionna's all melt and form a giant Princess Bubblegum)
Princess Bubblegum (Finn's mind): Here's the plan, I'm going to-
(Another Finn appears and Hadouken's her)
Princess Bubblegum(In real world): Goliad! No!
(Goliad stops reading Finn's mind and looks at Bubblegum and a new Sphinx)
Goliad: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!
(Goliad runs away but the new Sphinx kicks Goliad onto part of the Castle)
Goliad: Wait brother, why must we fight? Rule with me. Consumate the Communist Revolution with me!
(The new sphinx squawks in response)
Goliad: No brother, dont you see there tearing us agai-
(The new sphinx squawks again, interrupting Goliad)
Goliad: So be it! YOU WILL DIE WITH THE REST OF YOUR FILTHY CAPITOLIST FRIENDS!
Princess Bubblegum: Finn, are you ok?
Finn: Yeah, that dude saved me.
Princess Bubblegum: That's Stormo, Goliad's new brother.
Finn: Wha-What are they doing now?
Princess Bubblegum: There about to have a psychic showdown.
(Stormo and Goliad spawn there third eye out of there foreheads and begin to fight, Stormo and Goliad pounce on each other but it is a stalemate)
Jake: Wow man, so like... I guess there so evenly matched that it's a stale- (Spits out a candy person) It's a stale- (Spits out another two candy people).
Finn: There so evenly matched that it's a stalemate.
Princess Bubblegum: Yes, Stormo sacrificed himself to keep Goliad in check for all eternity.
Finn: Well that's pretty cool but, I dont understand. If Goliad and Stormo are the same, how come Stormo is a good guy?
Princess Bubblegum: Oh that's simple, I used some of yours, Fionna's, and Edana's heroic DNA in Stormo's recipe and not Goliad's.
(Flashbacks to Bubblegum taking the strands of hair, then returns back to real time)
Finn: Oh, woah so, that means Stormo is like... my son.
Edana: And I'm the mother.
Fionna: And me the aunt.
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yeah, In a way.
(Finn looks at Stormo)
Finn: Happy Birthday Stormo...