(Scene shows Wildberry Princess standing before a mirror in her kingdom missing her right arm and gasping in shock)
Wildberry Princess: My arm!
(next scene shows Turtle Princess in bed missing half of her face and she too gasps in shock)
Turtle Princess: My face!
(Muscle Princess is seen, waking up to find her left arm is missing, but takes notice to her right bicep and kisses it. Next, Skeleton Princess is shown also waking up to find that her left leg is gone, but seems unsurprised)
Skeleton Princess: This happens sometimes...
(Finally, Hotdog Princess is shown missing the lower half of her body, and is murmuring unhappily. Doctor Princess finds her left waste missing. Elbow Princess finds her right waste missing. The tree fort is shown in the next scene, as a group of princesses gather outside Finn, Fionna, and Edana's door)
Finn: Wait... what?!
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my gosh, how many times do I have to tell you? Somebody broke into my house and stole my lumps!
(Other princess start to talk at once)
(Princess Bubblegum turns around to reveal half of her face missing)
Edana: I'll never unsee that...EVER!
Finn: Eh...okay, calm down...
Lumpy Space Princess: How am I supposed to calm down? A lumping thief is out there getting fresh with my lumps!
Fionna: Oh Glob, that's wrong.
(Princesses again erupt into argument)
Doctor Princess: What I can't understand is why a bunch of princesses got their body parts stolen, and I did too, when I'm not a princess!
Finn: Whoa! Gals... we'll find this crazy freak and return all of your body parts!
Hotdog Princess: Thank you so much, Finn!
(She tries to walk over to Finn on her two front legs)
Hotdog Princess: I shall give you a kiss!
Edana: Oh no you don't! He's my man!
Finn: Yeah, get your facts straight, HDP. Let's move out, troops!
Fionn and Edana: (Saluting) Yes sir!
(At the Ice Kingdom)
Ice King: I said "I don't know!" I have nothing to do with this!
Fionna: Stop lying! We found your fingerprints at the crime scene!
Ice King: What? Really?
Edana: Uuh... no.
Ice King: Oh, well...then...why would you say that?
Finn: Ice King, we know you did it!
Ice King: Finn, I'm as concerned as you are. There's some sicko out there...what if he comes after my princess?
Finn, Fionna, and Edana: Your princess?
Ice King: Yeah... let me introduce you to my new wife.
(Ice King removes a cloak from a shadowed figure revealing a grotesque Frankenstein's monster-like mash-up of all the princesses, making Finn, Fionna, and Edana gasp)
Ice King: Oh, wait...you mean I'm the guy stealing all the p--...yeah okay, I get it now.
Finn: Wait, you stole one of Doctor Princesses body parts? SHE'S NOT A PRINCESS!
Ice King: Of course she is! She's the princess of the Hospital Kingdom!
Edana: There's no such thing. I would know, judging by the fact that I am-
Ice King: A PRINCESS?! Give me your-
Edana: An ex-princess.
Finn: Besides, she's 14, you pervert.
Ice King: Aw, man! An ex-princess, and too young for me. I'll only go as low as 17-years old.
(Princess Monster Wife steps out of the shadows making Finn, Fionna, and Edana scream and then faint)
Princess Monster Wife: What happened to them, husband?
Ice king: Hmmm... mmm aah! They're sleepy. They are our limp sleepy children! Come on wife, let's have a nice family meal.
Princess Monster Wife: Okay.
(Ice King drags Finn, Fionna, and Edana to his dining table and sits them down)
Ice King: Wife, you sit here. Isn't this nice?
(Princess Monster Wife accidentally drops some food on her arm, feeling embarrassed)
Ice King: Uh oh... I mean, that's good!
(Ice King copies her)
Ice King: Oops! How fun! You're so fun!
Princess Monster Wife: Hahahahaha
Ice King: Aww...marriage is fun!
(Next scene shows Ice King and Princess Monster Wife doing the dishes)
Ice King: See, when you wash and I dry, we get done faster! Then tomorrow night we switch!
(Princess Monster Wife has trouble scrubbing a pan)
Ice King: Here, let me show you a trick, my darling. See, you let it soak and we'll wash it in the morning.
(Princess Monster Wife giggles)
Ice King: Enough chores... come along, dear. I want to show you something special...
(The song Let Me Show You Something Special begins. Ice King takes his wife to a blanketed sculpture)
Ice King: Here it is. I hope you like it...
(Ice King removes the blanket, revealing a sculpture of himself and his wife. Princess Monster Wife tries to shove a banana in the sculpture's mouth, but it falls to the ground)
Princess Monster Wife: Is there something wrong with me? The way I am...it's not normal... is it?
Ice king: Oh... pretty baby wife. You're the most normal thing in my whole life. We're like two normal jelly beans sitting at the bottom of the jar, floating in a sea of olives, waiting for somebody to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar... which I guess I mentioned.
Princess Monster Wife: I don't think I understand...
Ice King: Just look into my eyes and know that everything is okay.
(In the Ice King's living room)
Ice King: Are you feeling normal yet?
(Princess Monster Wife shrugs, and then giggles.)
Ice King: Okay.
(Ice King's television shows an episode of "Ed Edd n Eddy", in this case, "They Call HIm Mr. Ed".)
Ice King: See that? We're normal, just like the normal people are.
Princess Monster Wife: Oh...
Ice King: Except those guys on TV.
Ed: (On TV; hits an invisible wall) Forgot about the wall!
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana suddenly wake up to Gunther's hissing and start freaking out)
Princess Monster Wife: Hi!
(They pass out again making Princess Monster Wife start to cry)
Ice King: Oh... don't mind the kids! It's just a phase!
Princess Monster Wife: I need a glass of water.
Ice King: Ooh, I'll go get--
Princess Monster Wife: No, it's okay. I'll get it.
(in the kitchen, Princess Monster Wife stares at her reflection in the sink)
Princess Monster Wife: You are not normal! You are a monster!
Ice King: Hey, hey, hey....
Princess Monster Wife: Monster! A monster!
Ice King: What's going on in here? Nobody's a monster! All I see in this room is a young, kind-hearted, intelligent, hot-looking ice king, and his beautiful princess bride! That's you, sweetie...
Princess Monster Wife: I don't feel beautiful. I feel like a freak!
Ice King: I will prove to you that you are beautiful!
(scene cuts to Ice King sewing together an outfit for Princess Monster Wife)
Ice King: To me, my penguins! Gunter, Gunther, Gunder, Goonder, come on! Gunter, Goonthy, Gonter, Ginthy, follow!
(Ice Kings assembles all his penguins into chairs set around a runway.)
Ice King: Don't rearrange the chairs please. You're all gonna clap and cheer or I'm gonna smack your buns.
(Princess Monster Wide walks out onto the runway wearing the outfit Ice King created for her as penguins clap.)
Ice King: Whoo! Yeah! ... Clap louder, you gotta be all like whoo!
(Penguins clap louder, and Finn, Fionna, and Edana arrive carrying mirrors.)
Finn: If we look at her with these mirrors, her ugliness will have no effect on us.
Fionna: Where is she? Oh! I think she's right over...
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana once again pass out upon seeing her. As she blows a kiss to one of the penguins, he vomits causing her to cry and run out.)
Ice King: Hey!
(Ice King is now standing at Princess Monster Wife's door)
Ice King: Baby, do you want to talk about it?
Princess Monster Wife: You should just find another princess to marry. I'm unlovable!
Ice King: Baby, I love you as much as all of the other princesses in the world combined!
Princess Monster Wife: You don't really mean that...
Ice King: I'll prove it! See, you have Elbow Princess's hips, and Dr. Princess's heart and intestines, Slime Princess's bottom... You have all my favorite parts of my favorite princesses!
Dr. Princess: (Off-Screen, from afar) For the last freakin' time, PRINCESS IS JUST A SURNAME! I'M NOT ROYALTY!!!
Ice King: YES YOU ARE!!!!!
Princess Monster Wife: I'm just a bunch of stolen parts?
Ice King: Oh, the parts don't matter. It's you that matters.
Princess Monster Wife: But... who am I?
Ice King: You're my wife! And I will always love my wife no matter what!
Princess Monster Wife: You'd love me, even without these other princess's parts?
Ice King: Sure baby, even without all your fine lady parts. Now give us a hug.
Finn: Hey, Ice King!
Fionna: Your wife's face can't make us faint anymore!
Edana: Now stand down and return the stolen body parts, or I'll go Fire Form and melt this whole place!
Ice King: Don't listen to them babe; they're being negative! Run, my happiness! I'll distract them with ice magic!
(Ice King nibbles on Fionna's arm)
Fionna: Dude, stop. You're not hurting me, just annoying me.
Edana: One more move and I'll melt this place to the ground!
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana tackle Ice King into submission)
Finn: Do you give up?
Ice King: Yes! I give up...
Edana: Finally... let's get those princess parts back to the ladies. But I was so looking forward to melting this place!
Finn: Yeah. Wait... where'd your wife go?
(Princess Monster Wife returns all the stolen parts including Princess Bubblegum's face, Hotdog Princess's body and Wildberry Princess's arm, but misplaces Turtle Princess's face with Lumpy Space Princess's, as her spirit then returns to the Ice Kingdom)
Ice King: Let me go! Let me go!
Princess Monster Wife's spirit: Though my parts be scattered, I will always be your wife.
Ice King: She... she... gave away all my stuff!
Edana: At least your kingdom's still intact. Or is it?
(The whole Ice Kingdom melts in one fell swoop, as Edana (Fire Form) cackles wickedly. She then reverts to Humanoid Form, with a shocked look on her face.)
Edana: Too much?
Finn: More like not enough. Let's go burn more useless things!
Fionna and Edana: YEAH!