(Finn and Fionna are in the Ice Kingdom, sneaking past a penguin guard)
Finn: Our secret mission to capture the Ice King is underway. Though I probably shouldn’t say stuff like that out loud.
Fionna: Don't worry, Finn. Penguins are stupid, remember.
(Ice King is in bed read magazines and mumbling when his doorbell rings and goes to the front door)
Ice King: (Singing) Who is it? (Starts shooting ice lightning) Zap zap zap zap zap zap zap! (Sees a can on the ground) Ooh, someone left me a gift. Peanut brittle? But I'm on a diet. (Shakes can, snickers and opens the can; Fionna pops out of nowhere and takes his crown)
Fionna: Should have stuck to your diet!
Ice King: (Throws can on the ground) Oahh! Finn, you have destroyed my faith in canned peanut brittle! Zap! (Nothing happens) Oh, no, my crown has all my powers in it!
Finn: (Tackles Ice King with a giant wrapper strip) Wrap attack!
(Fionna is hauling Ice King on a cart, who is bound, gagged, and struggling)
Fionna: (In baby talk) How about I swaddle you up like a sweet baby.
(Fionna wraps the Ice King up even more, who struggles all the more)
Finn: We finally captured the Ice King!
Fionna: (With Ice King on the cart) Why'd we do this again?
Finn: Princess explained it all when she sent us on the mission, remember?
(Flashback to the tree fort where Finn and Fionna are talking to Princess Bubblegum via hologram)
Princess Bubblegum: Go capture the Ice King, and bring him to me.
(Back in the present)
Fionna: Hmm... That didn't really explain anything.
Finn: I'm sure she's got a good reason.
(In a dark and gloomy Candy Kingdom)
(Finn and Fionna with the Ice King walk into the gloomy, fog covered streets)
Finn: Where is everybody?
Fionna: Yeah, this place is deserted, except for that guy.
(Princess Bubblegum in a beak doctor mask comes walking towards them spraying fumigation gas)
Princess Bubblegum: Ich bin hier, Finn. ("I'm here, Finn.")
(Finn and Fionna scream and cling to each other; Princess Bubblegum takes off her mask and reveals herself)
Princess Bubblegum: It's me, the princess. Did you bring him?
Finn: Sure did.
(Fionna shows Ice King, who mumbles, and Princess Bubblegum smiles)
Finn: So, what did the Ice King do to--
Princess Bubblegum: (cutting him off) Ah-bababap! No time! Now quickly, with me!
(They go to Princess Bubblegum's Castle and walk up to a wall)
Princess Bubblegum: Ttubllaw!
(Stone face appears on the wall)
Stonesy: What's the password?
(Princess Bubblegum squeezes his cheeks)
Stonesy: (Laughs) Oh, you got me! (Opens his mouth into a doorway)
Finn & Fionna: Secret door!
Princess Bubblegum: This stairway leads to the dungeon where we'll toss that lousy Ice King!
Finn: What awful thing did he do to get tossed in there?
Princess Bubblegum: Chhh, he didn't do anything. Not a thing.
Princess Bubblegum: It's a long story, Finn. You see, the Ice King...
Manfried: (Over an intercom) Princess Bubblegum, you're needed at once in the Grand Hall.
Princess Bubblegum: No! I need more time! (Flips over a table)
Manfried: (Hanging over on a tree with a bullhorn) Gosh, I'm sorry.
Princess Bubblegum: Alright, alright, I have to go. You two just guard the Ice King until I return (Creepily) and be prepared to make him howl with pain.
Finn: You got it, princess!
(They go to the dungeon, an owl flies overhead as Finn, Fionna, and Ice King stand around a table)
Ice King: Oh, this is a total rook!
Fionna: Settle down, prisoner! We gotta record your belongings. One magical crown, (Whispers to Finn) probably stolen.
Ice King: I didn't steal it! I...I...I don't wanna talk about it! So just hand it over, or I'll strike menacing poses at you! (Starts striking poses and Finn sprays him with a hose)
Finn: Cool it, convict! (The water begins to whip Ice King)
(Ice King is in a jail cell with only two bars)
Ice King: These bars can't hold me forever! Hey there's only like two of 'em. You fools have no business guarding prisoners.
(Finn and Fionna are putting on helmets and holding riot shields)
Finn: Oh, yeah?! Well how 'bout these helmets and shields with little view windows we found? And we got the oculus of rehabilitation!
Ice King: Hmm?
(Ice King looks up and there is a giant eye looking at him)
Oculus: Be better!
Finn: And the shelf of penitence!
(Ice King's crown is on a shelf sobbing with water coming from under it)
Ice King's crown: (Sobbing) I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...
Ice King: How about you just hand me my crown. I'll create some ice bars.
Finn: No, way! It's a trick.
Ice King: I'm toying with you, ha ha, psychologically. (laughs)
(Finn and Fionna have built a full set of bars for the jail cell)
Ice King: So what am I being charged with?
Fionna: Five hundred counts of jerkateering. Ha!
Finn: Yeah, what does it matter?
Ice King: Gah! Of course it matters! The way things work is first, I transgress your meaningless rules and then you maliciously persecute me!
Finn: That makes sense. You do bad stuff, we punish you.
Ice King: (Pokes Finn's face) Fools! You have disrupted that order, for--are you ready for this?--I have committed no recent crime!
Fionna: Really? Umm...
Ice King: (Laughs) I'm rockin' your worldview!
Finn: Fionna, he is starting to convince me we're doing a bad thing.
Fionna: Bro, (Kisses him on the cheek) be calmed by my sisterly love and think of all the terrible things he's done.
Finn: Yeah... yeah! You're still a jerk that deserves to be in jail.
Ice King: Oh, yeah? You know who really deserves to be in jail? I will show you the true jerks! (Pulls out a mirrored covered with a blanket behind his jail cell bunk bed) Behold! (Lifts the blank off the mirror but in doing so extinguish the candle in the cell)
Finn: Uhh, it's too dark.
Ice King: Behold! (Brings the mirror into the light but it shatters at the botton when he puts it on the floor) Wha, Behold! (Holds it in the air but it falls apart, Ice King groans and gasps and walks up to the cell bars with a mirror piece in his hand and puts it in Finn and Fionna's faces) Behold the true jerks!
Finn: The jerks is us? Fionna am I going crazy? It seems like the Ice King is right about this. But if he's in the right, that means we're in...
Fionna: A dark, dank dungeon with no hope of escape for any prisoner?
Finn: Yes, but it means much, much worse.
(Turns to the jail cell where Ice King is in bed and opens the door)
Finn: On your feet.
Ice King: (Gets out of bed) Is it time for the electric chair, boss?
Finn: No, we're letting you go. We decided that it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: This is a trick huh...
Finn: Get out of here before I change my mind!
Ice King: (Walking out of the cell) There must be someone waiting outside to beat me. Ooh, is that my crown over there? (Goes offscreen)
Fionna: (Sighs) I'm glad that's all taken care of.
Finn: No, quite yet.
(Finn goes into the cell and pull Fionna inside with him and closes the door)
Finn: Sorry, but since we're the villains this time, we gotta go to jail.
Fionna: This sucks.
Ice King: Hey!
Ice King: Get out of my room!
Finn: You're still he-- (stutters) ...Just get out out of here, man!
Ice King: So, you're really breaking me out?
Finn: Like I said, it's wrong to imprison you.
Ice King: (Tearing up) You mean, you believe me? Oh, can it be? Has all the hatred between us transmuted into something more? A friendship? A best friendship. (Sticks out fist for a fist tap) Knucks? (Finn slaps his fist away) Oh, ho ho, slaps in disgust, eh? Let's call them "Slappy D's"! Okay, see you later, my bosoms!
Finn: I am no man's bosom.
Ice King: Cast "Detect Secret Door"! (He shoots a magic blast and a tunnel opens under the stairway) Success! (Runs away into the tunnel) Wa ha ha ha!
(Just after he leaves, Princess Bubblegum pops out of a tunnel on the floor)
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry for the delay.
Fionna: Wow, there are a lot of secret door around here. This castle is too insecure!
Princess Bubblegum: (Puts on pink iron gloves) And now, Ice King, prepare to howl with (Sees he's gone) pain?
Finn: Wow, she's so proud we did the right thing, she almost looks enraged.
Princess Bubblegum: (Takes off the gloves) Where is the Ice King?
(Outside Ice King is flying away)
Ice King: Finally! Freedom and friends FOREVER!!!
(Back in the dungeon)
Princess Bubblegum: What have you done?! (Flips over a table and snarls)
Finn: What have we done?
(The cell door opens and PB grab Finn and Fionna)
Princess Bubblegum: I'll show you. (Carries them away)
(In the Grand Hall, Princess Bubblegum unveils a curtain)
Fionna: Heavens to Murgetroyd!
(The room is full of Candy People, covered in ice and lying on cots, sick and spreading ice to other Candy People)
Starchy: Heah, even old Starchy's sick.
Princess Bubblegum: A plague of Freezer Burn Flu.
Finn: Ice King did this?
Princess Bubblegum: Well, yes and no.
(In the Candy Kingdom)
Princess Bubblegum: (Narrating) It happened 3 days ago.
(Ice King flies overhead)
Ice King: Hey, hey, Princess, check out my new trick! (Starts rubbing flakes out of his beard) It's snowing it's snowing for you!
(Snow falls on the kingdom as the Candy People play in it)
Princess Bubblegum: (Narrating) We don't think he was trying to spread disease, but soon the entire kingdom was infect by his beard flakes.
(Candy People turn blue and shiver, Princess Bubblegum is in her room reading)
Princess Bubblegum: (Narrating) Through my research, I quickly discovered that the only way to cure my people was to obtain the pained howls of the Ice King himself.
(In the Ice Kingdom, Princess Bubblegum is riding Lady Rainicorn with a sound device over a mountain Ice King is on top of)
Princess Bubblegum: (Narrating) But when I pleaded with him directly...
Princess Bubblegum: Please, I beseech your aid. In the name of common decency!
Ice King: So let me get this straight... You're hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 진실로, 당신도 내 여자의 경멸의 생물의답지입니다. ("Verily, you are a creature unworthy even of my lady's disdain.")
Ice King: I think I heard the word "Virile" in there. Oh, she is definitely hitting on me.
Princess Bubblegum: No!
Lady Rainicorn: 안돼! ("No!")
Ice King: Begone, you biddies!
Princess Bubblegum: (Narrating) He had his chance to help and he did nothing!
Ice King: Oh, my gosh, she came to me this time.
Princess Bubblegum: I had no choice but to try and take his wails by force.
Fionna: By getting us to beat the tar out of him.
Finn: I can't just beat up the Ice King for nothing. That's against my alignment.
Princess Bubblegum: I know, I know. You're right. (Starts to cry)
Finn: But I'll get him to give up those howls. Voluntarily. I swear it.
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, thank you, Finn. I... (Cries)
Finn: (Places hand on her face) Shhhh...
(A loud boom is heard, and a blackened Prince Gumball walks out)
Prince Gumball: (Disoriented) Don't worry folks! I made cookies! Well, kinda. If you squint really hard, they look like cookies!
(In the Ice Kingdom, Finn and Fionna are running towards the Ice King's Castle)
Fionna: Bro, how are we gonna get those howls?
Finn: Oh, I gotta plan to trick him, but you won't like it.
Fionna: That sounds ominous. I don't like it!
(They enter the castle)
Finn: Ice King, come forth!
Ice King: I'm coming forth! Hee hee, is that the voice of friendship I hear? (Walks in the room with a board game) So, are you fellas ready for game night.
Finn: Game night? Well, that's weird.
Ice King: What? Why?
Finn: You do know how friends act, right? You've had friend before.
Ice King: I... yes?
Finn: Yeah, so you know how friends are always howling in pain for each other.
Ice King: Yeah... right! Everyone knows that! (Laughs awkwardly)
Finn: ('Holds up the sound device) Will you howl for me, pal?
Ice King: Oooh, of course, friend. Awoo-hehehehe! Oh, I've got the sillies! I couldn't possibly without giggling uncontrollably. I'm just so giddy about you being here! (Laughs, falls on his back and grabs the bottom of his cloak and rocks back and forth) I'm a banana! (Laughs) Don't slip on me!
Fionna: We're out of options. Let's just beat it out of him.
Finn: No, Fi! We...
Ice King: (Gets up) Wait a sec, there's a bug on you, friend. Smack! (Smacks a fly and in doing so hits Finn)
Finn: Grrr... Biscuits, now's my chance!
Ice King: (Shuffling through the board game, picks up a game piece) You know, I carved these game pieces from my own teeth.
Finn: Boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo, boo hoo...
Ice King: Huh? Crying?!
Finn: Boo hoo. You hit me, Ice King. I don't think I could live any more knowing my best bosom hit me.
Ice King: I was only saving you from poo poo palms!
Finn: I'm dying because I know you care not for me. (Play dead)
Ice King: No! No, my...my bosom! What hath I done?! My friend! (Picks up Finn) My only friend.
Fionna: Hey, what about me?
Ice King: Why?! Why?! WHY?!!!
(The scream is so loud it reach the Candy Kingdom, where the ice falls of the sicken Candy People)
Starchy: Starchy's feeling healthy again! (Grow muscles) A bit too healthy if you ask me. (Face morphs into Chuck Norris')
(More Candy People are cured)
Princess Bubblegum: There all getting better! Finn and Fionna did it! Ich bin so glücklich, ich koennte, ich koennte... ("I'm so happy, I could, I could...") (Almost flips over a cot but faints on it)
Prince Gumball: Hey, what did I miss?
(Starchy roundhouse kicks Prince Gumball)
Prince Gumball: Oh Glob, my boingloings!
(Back in the Ice Kingdom)
Ice King: WHY?!!!... Ah, well. Gunter! Dispose of Finn's carcase.
(Finn pops up)
Finn: (Sad) Harumph.
Fionna: Good job! Those wails must have reached all the way to...
Finn: Did you see how fast he dropped my lifeless body? That's just mean.
Fionna: Finn, if I came across your lifeless body, I'd clasp you dramatically for a kajillion years and cry 24/7.
Finn: Thanks, sis.
Fionna: Hey, why wait?! Play dead, Finn!
(Finn plays dead and jumps into Fionna's arms and Fionna walks away toward the Candy Kingdom)
Fionna: Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?! Heh heh heh heh. Why?!
(The episode ends with the Adventure Time logo)
Finn & Fionna: Adventure Time! YEAH!