(The episode begins at night, at the Candy Castle. Princess Bubblegum is in her laboratory with Finn, Fionna, Edana, Peppermint Butler, and Crunchy. Finn is wearing an electronic helmet connected to a monitor, as is Crunchy. A bored Fionna sleeps nearby.)
Princess Bubblegum: Okay. I'm going to lower the screen. Tell me what you see.
Finn: Crunchy, you look like a rainbow! It's beautiful! Can you guys see that?
Princess Bubblegum: Nope. Only you can see it because you're hooked up to the aura visualizer. But actually I'm lying. We can see everything you see on this screen. Now I'm gonna send that image into Crunchy.
Crunchy: Whoa!
Finn: The aura's gone!
Princess Bubblegum: Except... (lifts monitor away, aura is still visible around Crunchy) Crunchy's true essence manifested in the material plane!
Finn: I wanna see Peppermint Butler's aura!
Peppermint Butler: (chuckles) You don't wanna see that!
Finn: Yeah, we do! Right, Princess?
Princess Bubblegum: Sure, Finn! Just let me re-calibrate the device!
Peppermint Butler: NO, PLEASE!
Edana: You're hiding something, I just know it!
Fionna: No! Bunk that, I'm tired! C'mon, guys!
Finn: Oh, yeah. Yeah, we gotta peace out.
Finn, Fionna, and Edana: G'night!
(The trio walks down the dark hallway, to hear beeping noises coming from the Banana Guard's monitoring room. They curiously pop in.)
Finn: Hey- what's goin' on in here? Yo, guys!
Banana Guards: Hey, guys!
Finn: Whoa, what's that? Security cams?
Banana Guard 1: Yeah, man! You gotta see some crazy stuff—
Banana Guard 2: Yo, shut up!
Banana Guard 1: Oh, shoot...
Finn, Fionna, and Edana: What?
Banana Guard 2: Nothin'!
Finn: What is it?
Banana Guards: Nothing!
Edana: Show us now!
Banana Guards: Show you what?
Fionna: What you said!
Banana Guards: We didn't say nothin'!
Finn: Too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! Now show us!
Banana Guard 1: Okay, but you can't tell anyone.
Banana Guard 2: Yeah, this is our weird secret.
Fionna: Of course, dude!
Banana Guard 1: All right. Now look at my refrain. Can you see it?
Finn: Oh, yeah! That's, uh... Who is that?
Fionna: That's Chocoberry. Why are you guys spyin' on Chocoberry?
Banana Guard 2: No, man! Look there, in the corner!
Finn: Who's that?
Banana Guard 1: Zoom in, dude!
Banana Guard 2: Plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus, plus...
Finn: WAAAAAAAAAAAAUH! Lemongrab! FINALLY!
Edana: Who?
Finn: The guy who forced PB to become 18 again, which led to me meeting you, and the rest-
Edana: Is history.
Finn: Exactly.
Edana: So, he's the one who made you miserable?
Finn: Yeah.
Banana Guard 1: This is our weird secret, okay? Remember that!
(Scene cuts to the Guard Room a few minutes into the future. In front of the monitors sits an angry Princess Bubblegum, flanked by a group of upset Candy People, who are shouting angrily. Prince Gumball is also there.)
Princess Bubblegum: How long has this been going on?
Banana Guard 1: He's shown up every night for the past two weeks!
Banana Guard 2: He goes to different rooms and just stands there!
Princess Bubblegum: And you didn't tell me?!
Banana Guard 1: If we told you, then we knew you'd mess up our weird TV show!
Banana Guard 2: Banana guarding is boring!
Princess Bubblegum: I'm gonna talk to him. You two are fired for not telling me!
Banana Guard 1: Oh, no! Ya see?!
Princess Bubblegum: Sorry, guys! Now get yourselves over to the gallows!
Prince Gumball: Quick, take these pardon notes.
Banana Guards: Alright!
(Princess Bubblegum and Prince Gumball race down the hallway to Chocoberry's room, where they find Lemongrab, standing by the window, looking suspicious.)
Princess Bubblegum: Lemongrab! (flicks on lightswitch)
Earl of Lemongrab: NNYUGH! (winces at light)
Princess Bubblegum: Why are you stalking my peeps?!
Prince Gumball: Maybe it's because he's a SERIAL KILLER! I told you: DON'T MAKE AN HEIR! But did you listen? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Earl of Lemongrab: I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS!
Princess Bubblegum: Yeah, but what are you doing?! It's creepin' me out!
Earl of Lemongrab: ...Uh... I am the Earl...
Princess Bubblegum: ...Yeah?
Earl of Lemongrab: The Earl... OF NOTHING!!! Ugh, nugh... (leans backwards and sticks head through window)
Princess Bubblegum: Wait! What do you mean "nothing"?
Earl of Lemongrab: CASTLE LEMONGRAB HAS NO CITIZENS! (points at the princess. As he yells, the candy people, Finn, and Jake watch the scene on the monitor) YEOOOU HAVE EXCESS CANDIES! YOU MUST DONATE! DOOONAAATE!!!
Starchy: In your dreams, you freak!
Finn: Can I kill him now?
Fionna: When the time comes, Finn. When the time comes...
Princess Bubblegum: (to Lemongrab, who is now slithering out of the window like a snake) But you don't get along with others! I don't understand you, Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab: NO ONE... NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! I AM ALONE! AND YOU MADE ME LIKE THIS! (he slithers out of the window and falls to the ground below with a loud "Klang!") YOU MADE ME! YOOOU MAAADE ME!!! (as he runs, he begins ripping off his clothes, letting them fly away in tattered shreds) YOU'RE... MY... GLOB! YOU'RE MY GLOB!
Prince Gumball: AND STAY AWAY FROM THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS!
Princess Bubblegum: (Sighs and sadly presses her hands and face to the glass)
Finn: What are we gonna do?
Edana: Kill him?
Princess Bubblegum: No. Remember what I said about killing Lemongrab, Finn? In Red Rock Pass? While trying to get our stuff back from the Door Lord?
Finn: I remember...
Fionna: Really, what do we do now?
Princess Bubblegum: Something totally bum-slops.
(The scene cuts to daytime. Princess Bubblegum has assembled her Candy People together for a meeting. They are all chanting in protest.)
Candy People: No, no, we won't go! No, no, we won't go! No, no...
Princess Bubblegum: Please, please! All I need is three healthy volunteers to move in with Lemongrab! He's all by himself with no one to govern!
Candy People: No, no, we won't go! No, no we won't go!
Princess Bubblegum: Come on, Mr. Cupcake! Just for a little while?
Mr. Cupcake: UUGH! (breaks own arm) I can't, Princess! My arm is broken!
Finn: Dude! You didn't have to do that...
Edana: Oldest trick in the book. Self-sabotage.
Princess Bubblegum: Alright! What's it gonna take, people?!
Jamaica: Two things, Princess! Yeah, that's right! Back up, fools!
Princess Bubblegum: You got nerve showing your faces here, notorious Pup Gang!
Finn: Buncha bad apples!
Blombo: Back up, Finn! I'll take you out!
Edana: I could kill all three of you, right here, right now!
Finn: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You gotta tone it down a little, Edana. The "viewing audience" Marceline spoke of is getting agitated by certain comments you've been making.
Edana: The ones that sound like I'm PMS-fueled?
Finn: Exactly. So tone it down, alright?
Edana: I'll try to. It won't be easy, and the "viewing audience" better respect that.
Toughy: We came out of hidin', 'cuz all y'alls is scareds of Lemon Man! But we ain't afraid! So we gots demands!
Princess Bubblegum: ...And what is that?
Jamaica: One—total amnesty for past crimes committed by the Pup Gang!
Princess Bubblegum: Mmmm... Granted.
Fionna: Yo, they threw a basketball at my head one time! Are you gonna let that slide?!
Jamaica: We only did that 'cuz you're old!
Fionna: I'm 14!
Jamaica: Yeah, 14,000!
Fionna: GO TO THE NIGHTOSPHERE!
Princess: Fionna, please! What is your second demand?
Toughy: We want the big cash money wad! Enough to provide for our delinquent mothers, so that hopefully they'll show us the love we always dreamed about in our sad, young lives!
Fionna: Hmm.
Princess Bubblegum: I grant you the big cash money wad! Now off with you, to Castle Lemongrab!
(The scene cuts to the throne room of Castle Lemongrab, where the earl is seated before his three new subjects.)
Toughy: Yo, Lemongrease! We're gonna live here at Lemongrab now!
Earl of Lemongrab: Yes.
Pup Gang Leader: I'm Jamaica, and this is Toughy, and Blombo! (Blombo is dancing to his headphones)
Earl of Lemongrab: Blombo, what is that?
Jamaica: What?
Earl of Lemongrab: On Blombo's ears...
Jamaica: That's his headphones!
Earl of Lemongrab: BLOMBO! Take them off! Blombo, you must heed my INSTRUCTIONS! TAKE OFF YOUR THIIINGS!!!
Toughy: Whoa! Settle down, Lemongrease!
Earl of Lemongrab: I-I-I AM NOT GREASE! THIS IS UNACCEPTABUUUUUUUUUUUUU—
Blombo: (lifts headphone on one ear up) Huh? What's goin' on?
Earl of Lemongrab: All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be RECONDITIONED!
Blombo: Man! Are you crazy?!
Earl of Lemongrab: YYYEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOUUUHHH (walks over to mirror, points at reflection) MMMEEEEEEEEEE (head rotates creepily, Pup Gang terrified) EEEEAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I HAVE TO USE MY SOUND SWORD NOW!!! (unsheathes sword, shoots a sonic blast at the Pup Gang, who scream, and then are rendered unconscious. Blombo's headphones explode) IT'S A SOOOUND SWOOORD!!!
(Scene cuts to a small, darkened room. The Pup Gang gradually wake up to find themselves on the floor.)
Jamaica: You guys... What? Where are we?
Earl of Lemongrab: YEEEEEOU are in my reconditioning chamber! (He stands before a small table, on which is a lever) You will receive four to three units of juice now! (He pushes the lever forward, licking his lips, and the floor of the chamber electrocutes the Pup Gang. They scream, and the Earl looks on with wide-eyed, manic wonder.) Oooouuah!
(The scene cuts to Princess Bubblegum, who is viewing the bedrooms on the security cameras. She is looking into Crunchy's room, speaking into a microphone.)
Princess Bubblegum: Crunchy, wake up, Crunchy.
Crunchy: Aaagh... Glob? Is that you?
Finn: No sign of Lemongrab for three days! I think it worked!
Fionna: Maybe the Pup Gang killed him.
Finn: We can only hope.
Princess Bubblegum: Maybe... Let's keep looking. (Flips through various views, and finally sees Lemongrab standing before a sleeping Starchy, his hands clasped behind his back.) Awww, geez! (Princess Bubblegum leaves the monitor room and goes to Starchy's room.) Hey!
Earl of Lemongrab: (sleepily) Nhuh?
Princess Bubblegum: What happened to your new citizens?
Earl of Lemongrab: They didn't understand my lemon styles. I like this way better.
Princess Bubblegum: Hmmm... I wonder if you don't understand their candy styles! C'mon- lemme show you something!
(The scene cuts to daytime. Princess Bubblegum, Lemongrab, and Crunchy are sitting on a bench beneath a billowy pink tree. Finn, Fionna, and Edana sit close by, watching contently.)
Princess Bubblegum: You see, Earl, candy people are mad special. (begins cuddling Crunchy) They need constant stroking, and snuggling...
Earl of Lemongrab: (groans nervously)
Princess Bubblegum: Ah! (baby-talks to Crunchy, who giggles with delight. Princess Bubblegum giggles, then hands Crunchy to Lemongrab.) Here. You try.
Earl of Lemongrab: MMMMN?! (delivers a sharp poke to the forehead of Crunchy, who smiles up at him and giggles) Uh... Goo goo? Uh... Goo? (Lemongrab begins grunting and shouting nervously, and begins batting Crunchy on the head. In a matter of seconds, Lemongrab is screaming in terror, smacking Crunchy and punching him on the head. Lemongrab lets out a high-pitched shriek of terror, bolts up, and throws Crunchy onto the ground) PUT YOU IN MY OVEN! IT'S GROOOSS!!! (Princess Bubblegum tends to the terrified and crying Crunchy) And who says YOUR way's right, anyway? I look in the lemon heart you gave me and see MYYY lemon way to act! And that MUST be right! (Finn, Fionna, and Edana glare at Lemongrab. Princess Bubblegum look at him nervously. Suddenly, Lemongrab lets out a loud, piercing shriek and begins to flail his arms like limp spaghetti noodles. He jumps onto the back of Lemon Camel, who until then had been sleeping peacefully.)
Lemon Camel: HEY! WATCH THE HUMP! (Lemon Camel leaps up, and Lemongrab rides away on the terrified creature.)
Finn: Man, that guy's a real D-list!
Princess Bubblegum: Oh, dear! His Candy Citizens!
Finn: That's it! We've tried you way, PB! LEMONGRAB MUST DIE! And I don't care if the other kingdoms try to wipe this one off the face of the Earth! NOT SINCE YOU BECAME 18 AGAIN!
Fionna: Time to die, Lemongrab!
Edana: Yeah!
Princess Bubblegum: No. He's MY responsibility. I have to try to help him!
Finn: IT'S TOO LATE!
Princess Bubblegum: We will do it MY WAY, OR YOU THREE WILL WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!
(They go to Castle Lemongrab, and enter through the front door.)
Princess Bubblegum, Finn, Fionna, and Edana: Lemongrab? Lemongrab!
Fionna: No Lemongrab.
Finn: C'mon! We'll find the Pup Gang quick!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait. I have a plan. You guys go on ahead.
Finn: Okay, cool!
(Finn, Fionna, and Edana enter a dark hallway, and open a series of doors, to find left-handed catcher's mitts mounted on pedestals.)
Finn: What do you got, Fi?
Fionna: Just an empty room with a catcher's mitt!
Finn: ...Weird.
Finn: (Gasp) Oh, no! (They open one door, to find the Pup Gang unconscious at the bottom of the Reconditioning Chamber. They desperately try to revive them. While trying to do so, Lemongrab steps into the room, and sees Finn, Fionna, and Edana. He abruptly closes the door on them, and walks over to his control panel to shock them, smiling gleefully.)
Earl of Lemongrab: This is SERIOUS! Pup Gang got four units... Maaaybe... Maybe ten units for trespassers? (He shocks Finn, Fionna, Edana, and the Pup Gang, who scream in agony. Edana goes Fire Form and flies up to reach them to the top of the chamber through the air vent.) YOU GOT TRICKS, HUH?! YOU GOTTA FALL DOWN SOME TIME! AND WHEN YOU DO, TWELVE UNITS! THAT'LL KILL YOU, LITTLE GHOST PRANKSTER!
Princess Bubblegum: Lemongrab, stop! Please! Earl, I can help you!
Earl of Lemongrab: NO! NO! NO MORE HELPING! (unsheathes Sound Sword) YOOOU'RE THE ONE WHO MADE ME THIS WAY! HOW CAN YOOOU HELP?! YOU WANNA UNLOAD YOUR PUNKEST BOYS ON ME?! AND TRY TO CHANGE MY WAYS?! YOU'RE POISON! YOU'RE POISON!!! (backs up the terrified princess into a corner) YOU MUST DIE!!! (His eyes immediately grow to an enormous, manic size, as he swings his sword at the princess) DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!! YEEEEOOOOOOOUUUU!!! AND THEN THE CANDY KINGDOM WILL BE MINE! LIKE IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN WHEN YOU BECAME YOUNGER!
Fionna: Don't remind Finn, please!
Finn: Whoa! (Finn runs through the electric floor, breaks through the glass, and blocks the Sound Sword's swing from the princess, protecting her. Finn falls to the floor, unconscious.)
Earl of Lemongrab: Whoa, whoa, what the hey?!
Fionna and Edana: FINN!
Fionna: (pulls out sword) I'm done holding back!
(Fionna and Edana engage Lemongrab in a sword fight, easily driving him to the floor; Edana goes Fire Form and begins charging up a powerful fire blast in Lemongrab's face)
Edana: EARL OF LEMONGRAB! YOU HAVE DEVASTATED THE BALANCE OF POWER BY ATTACKING THE REIGNING MONARCH OF ANOTHER KINGDOM!!!! AND NOW, YOU SHALL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!!!!
Princess Bubblegum: Wait, guys, look! (Princess Bubblegum points to the door. A naked Lemongrab clone steps inside)
Lemongrab clone: Hello? Am I in the right room?
(Edana goes back to Humanoid Form and skulks away to help Finn up)
Earl of Lemongrab: NEEEEH! WHAT?! WHO'S THIS RIGMAROLE?!
Lemongrab clone: I'm Lemongrab!
Earl of Lemongrab: O-oh!
Princess Bubblegum: I made him for you, in your pantry. For you to be with!
(Finn rises to his feet with Edana's help, and sees the second Lemongrab)
Finn: There's two of them?! Alright, buster, you better not try to take Edana from me like the first Lemongrab ruined my chances with PB!
Princess Bubblegum: I said I was sorry...
Earl of Lemongrab: (approaches Lemongrab clone cautiously) T-two Lemongrabs? Hmmm! (Lemongrab begins poking his clone all over his face and body. Soon after, the Lemongrab clone does the same to Lemongrab. When they're finished, they smile.) Hmmm... Yeah, okay!
Lemongrab clone: Yeah! (The Lemongrabs close their eyes and nuzzle their faces together, smiling and humming happily) All in favor of pardoning the prisoners?
Earl of Lemongrab: Aye!
Lemongrab clone: PARDONS FOR ALL!
(The scene cuts to the sunset. The Lemongrabs stand atop the castle side-by-side. The Lemongrab clone is now clothed in a white version of Lemongrab's outfit, and has a lemon pegasus. Princess Bubblegum, Finn, Fionna, and Edana say good-bye to the Lemongrabs and wave to them as they leave the castle.)
Princess Bubblegum: Take care, boys!
Earl of Lemongrab: Yes! Yes, indeed! A ha ha! A lemon gives by taking...
Lemongrab clone: ...and cares by YELLING!
Earl of Lemongrab: Hmm!
Lemongrab clone: Hmm!
Earl of Lemongrab: Well, okay! STOP BY ANY TIIIME!!!
Lemongrab clone: BUT CALL FIRST!!!
Earl of Lemongrab: YES, GOOD-BYYYE!!!