Lady is gonna have a child, and I’m really scared about that. I mean, I am happy, but worried at the same time. It’s kinda shocking that Lady actually has my kids, 5 of them to be exact. I know I need help so I asked my bro. Listen to this little convo between me and Finn.

Me: Dude, Can you listen? I gotta tell you something.

Finn: Uhh. Mom, dad…Cave

Me: Hey bro, you ok?

Finn: Cheesecake….

Me: Finn, you’re off your rocker. What’s wrong with you man? You sick?

<<Finn stares at me and jumps off a cliff>>

Seriously, I sometimes don’t know what’s wrong with that kid. Don’t worry, he survived. A few broken bones are not a big deal. Anyways, back to the main topic. When I become a dad, how am I gonna adventure? Finn’s just a kid who’s just too hyperactive. Believe me, that kid’s roast if I’m not there with him. But that doesn’t mean I should tie him up in sticky mozzarella and ropes so he won’t get out of the house. It’s really hard you know. Cut my body in half and use half to do fatherly stuff while the other half of me adventures with me? That’s stupid and painful. But then, It could work because I’m dumb. But, Finn and Lady will just both faint. And, I’ll be noted as a dog who did something stupid and painful.

<<Suddenly an angel comes out from the sky>>

Angel: Jake, I’ll help you find a way to adventure and be a father~

Me: Really? How do I do that?

Angel: Cut yourself in half~

Me: Stop stealing my ideas lady! I’ll show you half! Get outta here! *grabs her neck and kicks her out*

Angel: You’ll regret that! I’ll have you for dinner~

Me: Don’t! I didn’t shower for like…3 years.

<<followed by Angel puking, which grossed me>>

Ok, so how bout’ this?