This is my first page of my fanfic about Simon. I made him Marcy's brother mainly because it gives her more of a back story and it is way more exciting this way. Give me feedback wither i should remove, add, or replace something. Remember, this is a work in process.
(The episode starts off with showing Finn and Jakes house, and then shows Finn walking in the kitchen in his PJs, while walking in, Jake puts the final foods in his new creation.)
“Hay there Jake, what’s the bake?” Finn sings while spinning and pointing
“I’m just putting the final touches on my Everything Burrito Jr.; ironically it’s bigger than his dad.” Jake says, hugging the burrito
“Nice but why is it red?” Finn says
“I dipped it in magic hot peppers I got from Choose Goose.” Jake explains
(Both of our heroes hear a knock on the door.)
“Just a sec!” Finn yells out, “Jake, I told you not to buy foods from Choose Goose.”
(There is another, louder knock at the door.)
“Hold on!” Jake yells, “Why not? He seems like a pretty reasonable guy.”
(Now the knock is a large thump ageist the door.)
“Reasonable? The guy is a’looony!” Finn yells out while making the crazy symbol next to his head.
(All of a sudden, the door is broken down, reviling Marceline, standing there, hunched over. Finn and Jake look over.)
“red…” Marceline whimpers as she flies into the house.
(Finn and Jake, still in shock, watch as the vampire queen opens the refrigerator and sucks the red out of an apple and a bottle of ketchup and throwing them behind her. Both items hit Jake in the head.)
*Bonk* “Owww!” Jake whines, *Bang* “Owwwww!”
(Marceline then looks at the Everything Burrito Jr. and starts to fly over. Finn remembers that the burrito was dipped in peppers and quickly grabs a slab of raw meat. In slow-mo, Finn grabs the burrito with one hand and sticks the raw meat in Marceline’s mouth just as she bites down. She quickly sucks the red out of it and gets up.)
“Marcy, what the butt happened to you?” Finn asks
“My brother…” Marceline says while looking down
(The screen goes black. It then fades into Marceline’s house, were Marceline is seen breaking a red egg over a frying pan, when it breaks, red fumes come out of it. When it hits the frying pan, Marceline hears whistling and looks up.)
“Hello?” Marceline says as she opens the door.
(She sees a black shadow across from the cave, standing there with his hands in his pockets, still whistling.)
“Oh, hey Finn.” Marceline says, thinking it is him.
(The shadow then stops whistling and turns his head slightly to the left.)
“Hey Finn, what’s wrong,” Marceline asks, “and where’s Jake?”
(The shadow, reviled to be a person, then chuckles slightly, and turns his head back.)
“Finn?” Marceline asks, putting her hand on his shoulder.
That is my first page. Please post feedback, good or bad.