“YOU- get me some applesauce! YOU- help me get dressed! YOU- clean the shower! YOU- “
All of the earl’s servants stood in a line. One of Lemongrab’s servants glanced at another. “Is he always this…?”
“YOU- polish the windows! YOU-“
The other servant glanced down shamefully, and nodded.
The earl briskly whipped around, preparing to go back to his room to do whatever it was that he did whenever he was alone. But the large painting beside the staircase caught his eye, and he screamed.
“THIS PAINTING IS NOT STRAIGHT!” he shrieked. He ran up to the painting, but hesitated, and turned to glare at his servants. “WHY AM I DOING THIS?! ONE OF YOU- STRAIGHTEN THIS PAINTING! THE REST OF YOU- GO TO THE DUNGEON FOR EIGHT HOURS!”
The servants, save for the new guy, sighed and marched off to the dungeon. They only planned to stay in there for fifteen minutes anyway. The earl never seemed to keep his numbers straight, so they were able to escape through a secret passageway and he never cared.
“Is this better?” asked the servant innocently.
“NOOO!” Lemongrab screamed. “STILL NOT STRAIGHT! NOT STRAIGHT AT ALL!”
He stood before the painting, glaring at its imperfection with wide, twitchy eyes and pursed lips. His hands were shaking like two little leaves in an autumn breeze.
“Your Earlness,” asked the servant. “Are you all right?”
The earl suddenly cringed, and clutched at his chest. He collapsed to the ground. The servant nonchalantly dragged Lemongrab outside to the front step of the castle and left him there for somebody else to worry about.
“Princess?” Finn asked his friend. “Are you okay?”
Princess Bubblegum sat at her desk, slumped in a chair, her face buried in her hands. “I’m a failure,” she said softly. “If I hadn’t glubbed up that life serum, he wouldn’t have been such a nervous wreck- and he wouldn’t have had that heart attack.”
“Naaah… Princess, this wasn’t your fault,” said Finn gently. He sat down next to her and put his hand on his shoulder. “At least you can start over, right? With a new heir? Now that you know what NOT to do-“
“Finn…” said Princess Bubblegum. She sighed. “I was going to organize a funeral for him, but I wouldn’t know what to say. He had absolutely no redeeming qualities. It would be a joke. And a waste of a perfectly good funeral.”
She stood up. “Oh, well,” she said, sighing again. “Looks like I’ll have to bring the great useless lug back to the Candy Kingdom to resurrect him. Do you want to come?”
“I don’t see why not,” said Finn. He followed the princess out of her room, and they found Lady Rainicorn soon after.
They flew back to the Candy Kingdom on Lady Rainicorn.
“Make sure you support his head,” Princess Bubblegum told Finn. “I don’t want him any more stupid than he already is, when I resurrect him.”
Princess Bubblegum appeared to be lost in thought. Finn discretely pulled back Lemongrab’s sleeve, and took a big bite out of his lemon candy arm. As they flew back to the Candy Castle, Finn quietly sucked on his treat with a mischievous little smile, hoping Princess Bubblegum wouldn’t notice.
“Now don’t touch anything,” said the Princess. “I’ll let you watch for fun, but this is serious.”
They lay the earl’s body on a thin table covered by white paper and a small pillow. Princess Bubblegum poured a vial of green serum into Lemongrab’s mouth. Within a few seconds, the earl’s skin turned green, and his eyes snapped open, to reveal that they were also a sickly color.
Lemongrab let out a loud, hideous groan, and rolled off the table.
“PRINCESS!” Finn yelled, running away. “He’s a ZOMBIE!”
“I'll return him to his former state in a little while, but just watch- he’s harmless,” Princess Bubblegum giggled, covering her mouth.
The candy zombie rolled around on the floor, still groaning, wiggling his legs in the air and slapping the floor pitifully. Zombie Lemongrab stood up unsteadily, and walked into the wall, falling down again. He grabbed one of his own arms and began to gnaw on it, then did the same to his foot. Finn and PB both laughed.