Part 2 of this lame story no one cares about. So yeah...
Um, enjoy. Even if you won't. You probably won't. I don't mind. Ok. You can go now.
Scene I. A lane by the wall of Fire Palace orchard.
Finn: I won’t be able to sleep tonight without seeing her one last time. I shall trespass the Fire Castle just for her.
He climbs the wall, and leaps down within it
Enter Jake and Lumpy Space Princess
Jake: Finn! Where are you going?
Lumpy Space Princess: He is wise; well not really. I’m being sarcastic. That fool is lovesick again, I suppose.
Jake: He ran this way, and leaped this orchard wall. Call him, LSP.
Lumpy Space Princess: My phone’s dead, so I’ll just yell. Yo Finn! Mr. Bigshot! The great and powerful lover of Ooo! Stop being Bubblegum’s tool so we can go home!
Jake: If he hears you, you will anger him.
Lumpy Space Princess: This cannot anger him. It would anger him to raise a spirit in his mistress' circle, but I’m just talking about how he’s being stupid for falling in love with Bubblegum. I conjure only but to raise up him.
Jake: Well, he’s not coming back…
Lumpy Space Princess: Screw him; I need my beauty sleep after partying.
Jake: Meh, he’ll come back home later. Let’s go.
Scene II. Capulet's orchard.
Finn: Please be here, please be here...
Flame Princess appears above at a balcony window
But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Flame Princess is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon. Destroy that sucker, it clearly can’t appreciate your light because it’s nighttime. We shall show that moon who’s the boss, after we annihilate it with your awesome power. All the princesses get envious of you, just for your great beauty. They all be jealous, especially Jelly Princess. And I’m just like, ‘It is my lady, O, it is my love!’ Yeah, the guys will be jelly too when they see me with her. I think she may be saying something, but what? I must get closer to hear her soft, passionate voice. Her eyes sparkle brighter than these stars, as when they shine, it shames them. If only I can be up there with you, my love.
Flame Princess: It smells weird out here.
Finn: She speaks! O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of—huh, it does smell strange out here.
Flame Princess: Finn, O Finn! Wherefore art thou Finn?
Finn: I’m right here. Wait, I think she’s asking why I’m Finn, not where I am. Hmm, I don’t know. Shall I ask at this, or shall I hear more?
Flame Princess: Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and I'll no longer be the princess of the Fire Kingdom. 'Tis but thy name that is my enemy, you are yourself, though not Ice Kingdom Royalty. What's to be part of the Ice Kingdom? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man. And what’s melancholy? I’ve been trying to remember what it means, it was like, feeling sad, right? As long as you are destined to be away from me, I will feel melancholy. O, be some other name! What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Finn would, were he not Finn called. Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title. Finn, doff thy name, and for that name which is no part of thee take all myself.
Finn: I take thee at thy word, Flame Princess! Call me but love, and I'll be new baptized. Henceforth I never will be Finn.
Flame Princess: Finn? What are you doing here?!
Finn: I came here to see you, but only out of romance, not stalking. I’m more like a romantic stalker.
Flame Princess: Well, I guess that is true, so I won’t call security on you. Art thou not Finn and a child of the King and Queen of the Ice Kingdom?
Finn: Neither, fair princess, if either you dislike. By a name I know not how to tell thee who I am: my name, dear saint, is hateful to myself, not because I don’t like it or anything, but because it is an enemy to thee. Had I it written, I would tear the word.
Flame Princess: How did you get here? The orchard walls are too high to climb, and if my kinsmen find you, they’d bake your buns faster than ovens could.
Finn: Love has no limits, and no matter what the risk, I would still come to see you, m’lady.
Flame Princess: If they do see thee, they will murder thee.
Finn: The Fire Guards can’t see me. I have night's cloak to hide me from their sight. I can take on the toughest ones at any moment, for as long as I am with you, I attack harder than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.
Flame Princess: That’s really sweet and all, but have you forgotten about you being from the Ice Kingdom and me being from the Fire Kingdom?
Finn: That may be the obstacle put between us in our difficult love, but at least I’m only a human and not an actual ice citizen, for then I’d melt as my heart does so.
Flame Princess: Alas, the feud between our families still separates us from so. It could be that we are not meant for each other.
Finn: This still does not stop me. I could climb the walls here just to get closer to you. Any monster can try to stop me, but I shall continue in search of what I wanted. That is what makes me tenacious, or I may just want a really cool item for my collection of mystical objects. There’s this really cool glass orb with demon souls inside. I would adventure for such merchandise.
Flame Princess: It doesn’t matter the limits, it only matters the thought of what could result from this. Dost thou love me? I know you’re gonna say ‘Yes,’ and I will take thy word, but if you swear you may prove false.
Finn: Princess, by yonder blessed moon I swear that tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops—
Flame Princess: O, don’t swear by the moon, it’s inconstant.
Finn: Aw, but I was earlier kinda talking about how we should blow up the moon. What shall I swear by?
Flame Princess: Do not swear at all, there may be children nearby. If thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self which is the god of my idolatry, and I'll believe you.
Finn: If my heart's dear love—
Flame Princess: It’s getting late. There’s no time for you to declare love on me, perhaps next time we meet, as doing it now would be too rash, too sudden.
Finn: O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?
Flame Princess: What satisfaction can you want tonight?
Finn: Uh…the exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine.
Flame Princess: I gave you mine before you didst request it, and yet I would it were to give again.
Finn: Can you give it again? For me?
Flame Princess: Man, you’re so needy.
Nurse Marceline calls within
I hear some noise within; dear love, adieu! Anon, good nurse! Sweet Finn, stay. I’ll be right back.
Finn: O blessed, blessed night! I sure hope this isn’t a dream. Let me just pinch my—ouch!
Re-enter Flame Princess, above
Flame Princess: Three words, dear Finn, and good night indeed. If you’re serious about our love, propose marriage, send me word to-morrow, by one that I'll procure to come to thee, where and what time you wilt perform the rite, and all my fortunes at thy foot I'll lay and follow thee my lord throughout the world.
Marceline: [Within] Flame Princess!
Flame Princess: I come, anon. But if you don't mean well, I do beseech thee—
Marceline: [Within] Flame Princess, get your butt to your room right now!
Flame Princess: By and by, I come! To cease thy suit, and leave me to my grief, to-morrow will I send.
Finn: So thrive my soul—
Flame Princess: A thousand times good night!
Finn: A thousand times the worse, to want thy light. Love goes toward love, as—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Finn lands on the floor
I forgot I was on the balcony…
Re-enter Flame Princess, above
Flame Princess: Finn, come here!
Flame Princess: Finn!
Finn: My dear?
Flame Princess: At what o'clock to-morrow shall I send to thee?
Finn: At the hour of nine.
Flame Princess: I will not fail. It's twenty years till then. I have forgot why I did call thee back.
Finn: Let me just stand here until you remember it.
Flame Princess: I shall forget, to have thee still stand there, remembering how I love your company.
Finn: And I'll still stay, to have thee still forget, forgetting any other home but this.
Flame Princess: That’s gonna get us nowhere. 'Tis almost morning; I would have you gone by now, but I want you to stay.
Finn: But I cannot, for I am not welcome here. Tomorrow then. Good night!
Flame Princess: Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Finn: Now if only I can get back up after that fall—uh, nope. Wait, wait, I think I got it. I’ll try to walk it off…ow, nope, still hurts.
Scene III. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.
Enter Friar Simon, with a basket
Friar Simon: Ugh, I hate doing garden chores so early in the morning.
Finn: Ice Friar Simon! Ice Friar Simon!
Friar Simon: Benedicite! Who’s calling me at this time? Why, it’s Finn! Hmm, it looks like you have not been in bed tonight.
Finn: That’s true, Friar Simon; the sweeter rest was mine.
Friar Simon: Grod pardon sin! Were you with Bubblegum?
Finn: With Bubblegum, you ask Ice Friar? No, I have forgotten that name.
Friar Simon: That's good, but where have you been, then?
Finn: So I was at this party, right? I went there with my friends, though I wasn’t much interested in the party much, but—
Friar Simon: Get to the point!
Finn: I had met the daughter of the Flame King, Flame Princess. After a while, we had agreed we had to be married, so I was hoping you could marry us today.
Friar Simon: Holy Saint Falcon, what a change is here! Is Bubblegum, whom thou didst love so dear, so soon forsaken?
Friar Simon: You, the son of the rulers of the Ice Kingdom, in love with Flame Princess, the daughter of the rules of the Fire Kingdom, whom your kingdom hates so much!
Finn: It doesn’t matter to us whether or not our families are gonna support our relationship.
Friar Simon: It seems whack to me anyways. I’m not marrying you with her, it’ll worsen the feud.
Finn: Or could it stop it? If we get married, they shouldn’t have a reason to fight so much.
Friar Simon: Hmm, you do have a point there. Alright, what the hey-hey. I’ll marry you two.
Finn: Yes! I must go now and tell the news to my friends.
Friar Simon: Yeah sure, I wish I had friends to tell news to…
Scene IV. A street.
Enter Jake and Lumpy Space Princess
Lumpy Space Princess: Where the sprite is Finn? Didn’t he come home?
Jake: Don’t think so.
Lumpy Space Princess: I’m pretty sure it had to do with him still wanting something with that pink-haired maniac Bubblegum.
Jake: From what I know, Furnius, nephew of Flame King, had sent a letter to his house.
Lumpy Space Princess: That mother-lumper Furnius.
Jake: Finn will answer it.
Lumpy Space Princess: Any dude who can write can answer a letter.
Jake: I’ve got a bad feeling if he does, though.
Lumpy Space Princess: Finn, if he is from the Ice Kingdom, should not fight someone from the Fire Kingdom.
Jake: Why, what is Furnius?
Lumpy Space Princess: More than prince of pussycats, I can tell you. He’s like the courageous captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and proportion. It’s like he was trained by Billy himself.
Jake: Say what?
Lumpy Space Princess: He thinks he’s so high and mighty, is what I mean.
Jake: Here comes Finn.
Lumpy Space Princess: Oh, look at him, thinking he can actually win Bubblegum over. He must call her the greatest female to step in the land of Ooo. Not even Princess Beautiful or Super Model Princess is good enough for him if he keeps thinking about PB. Finn, bonjour! That’s a French greeting for your French slop. You gave us the counterfeit last night.
Finn: Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?
Lumpy Space Princess: The slip, sir, the slip; you lumping left us abandoned.
Finn: Pardon me, LSP. My business was great, and in cases, a man may strain courtesy.
Lumpy Space Princess: Pfft, I don’t believe you.
Finn: You don’t have to.
Lumpy Space Princess: I bet you were continuing this love story of yours.
Finn: You could say that.
Lumpy Space Princess: And it was connected to a certain…pink person?
Finn: Not pink for flower, but orange for the sun.
Lumpy Space Princess: Right.
Finn: I would explain this to you, but—
Lumpy Space Princess: Nope, I don’t want to hear about it.
Finn: It has some juicy gossip involved.
Lumpy Space Princess: Drat, now I want to listen, but no. Come between us, Jake.
Finn: If you will just let me explain this—
Lumpy Space Princess: LALALALA NOT LISTENING.
Finn: Ugh, fine then.
Enter Marceline and Peppermint Butler
Lumpy Space Princess: Yo, check out these new guys!
Jake: A vampire and…a servant dude.
Marceline: Peppermint Butler!
Peppermint Butler: Anon!
Marceline: My umbrella, Peppy.
Lumpy Space Princess: Good Peppy, to hide her face; for her umbrella's the fairer face.
Marceline: Shut your mouth, purple cloud.
Lumpy Space Princess: Glob ye good den, fair gentlewoman.
Marceline: Is it good den?
Lumpy Space Princess: Well den, I must say den that if it’s all good, den no need to ask den.
Marceline: You act annoying.
Finn: What is your business?
Marceline: Are you Finn?
Finn: Indeed I am, but may I ask what for?
Marceline: If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
Jake: She will indite him to some supper.
Lumpy Space Princess: LOL OMG.
Finn: I will follow you.
Lumpy Space Princess: Well, we best leave these two alone for their talk. Farewell, ancient lady; farewell.
Exeunt Lumpy Space Princess and Jake
Marceline: I can’t stand her…
Finn: So, what did you want from me?
Marceline: I come here on Flame Princess’ orders, as I am her nurse.
Peppermint Butler: And I’m the nurse’s nurse! Or the butler.
Marceline: She told me something about, um, marriage, right?
Finn: We did indeed vow to get married.
Marceline: It seems pretty quickly to me, but this is like the 13th century, so it’s normal.
Finn: So what should I tell her?
Marceline: I will tell her, sir, that you do protest; which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
Finn: Tell her to go to Friar Simon Petrikov’s cell in the Ice Kingdom. There she shall be shrived and married.
Marceline: This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.
Marceline: O, but I must warn thee, there is a nobleman in town, one Brocko, that would fight you for Flame Princess. I anger her sometimes and tell her that Paris is the properer man, but you could work well with her too.
Finn: Hmm, as long as Brocko doesn’t try getting in our way, I think we’re good.
Marceline: Great, then I’ll tell her these news.
Finn: I’ll be there this afternoon. Bye!
Marceline: Peppermint Butler!
Peppermint Butler: Anon!
Marceline: Nothing, just making sure you were paying attention.
Scene V. Capulet's orchard.
Enter Flame Princess
Flame Princess: Dang it, I sent the nurse out an hour ago and she’s still not back yet. Where is she? Wait, she comes!
Enter Marceline and Peppermint Butler
Marcy, what news? Did you meet with him?
Peppermint Butler: Oh sure, don’t mind me, I’m just the creepy butler who doesn’t have anything to do with your problems. I’ll just go now.
Exit Peppermint Butler
Flame Princess: So, what news do you bring? If they’re bad news, tell them merrily; if good, thou shamest the music of sweet news by playing it to me with so sour a face.
Marceline: I am a-weary, give me leave awhile. I’m getting too old for this.
Flame Princess: Tell me what Finn said! Please?
Marceline: Hold on. Do you not see that I am out of breath?
Flame Princess: How are you out of breath, when you have breath to say to me that you are out of breath? The excuse that you make in this delay is longer than the tale you excuse. Are the news good or bad? Just tell me that.
Marceline: Well, you have made a simple choice; you know not how to choose a man. Finn, though he looks better than most men, has a better physical condition than most, and seems a lot cooler than most, there’s some sort of flaw with him.
Flame Princess: No, no, but all this did I know before. What says he of our marriage? What about that?
Marceline: Let me rest. My head hurts, my back hurts, I need an aspirin.
Flame Princess: Marceline, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, but tell me, what says my love?
Marceline: Your love says, like an honest gentleman, and a courteous, and a kind, and a handsome, and, I warrant, a virtuous…Where is your mother?
Flame Princess: Are you kidding me? Where is my mother?! What a strange reply! 'Your love says, like an honest gentleman, where is your mother?' What the fire, Marcy?
Marceline: Are you so hot? Sheesh, if you want, do your messages yourself.
Flame Princess: Please just tell me, what does Finn say?
Marceline: Have you got leave to go to shrift today?
Flame Princess: I have.
Marceline: Then go to Friar Simon Petrikov’s cell in the Ice Kingdom, for there your man will make you his bride. I’m gonna go make dinner now.
Flame Princess: Yay! Thank you nurse! I’ll be off to there then.
Scene VI. Friar Simon Petrikov's cell.
Enter Friar Simon and Finn
Friar Simon: You ready for some marr-iage?
Finn: You bet! I’m so excited I didn’t bother telling any of my friends about this wedding, but I guess that’s why secret marriages are kept a secret.
Friar Simon: These violent delights have violent ends and in their triumph die, like fire embers and ice powder, which as they kiss consume: the sweetest honey is loathsome in his own deliciousness and in the taste confounds the appetite. This talk of food made me hungry. If only we had a buffet for the reception.
Enter Flame Princess
Here comes the lady, so now we can start!
Flame Princess: Is it time to get married already?
Friar Simon: We just have to prepare for holy matrimony and then we can commence.
Flame Princess: Sounds good to me.
Finn: Once we get married, we’ll be forever united, and our family feud can suck it.
Flame Princess: Indeed. By the way, that chocolate pudding was delicious.
Friar Simon: Now let’s get started, shall we?