Yes. Finally finished with this.

Scene I. Hotel Kingdom. Finn’s room.

Enter Finn

Finn: Man, this Heat Signature movie drags on a lot.

Enter Beemo

Beemo! Thank Gob, I was getting lonely. How goes it? Is Flame Princess ok? If she is, I am too.

Beemo: Oh Finn. She is well, and but she will no longer awaken ever again. I saw them bringing her dead body to the Fire Tomb, where she may rest. It’s terrible, Finn!

Finn: What?! She’s dead?! Then I defy you stars! Curse you! I must get back.

Beemo: No Finn! You’re still banished! You can only go back there in your next lifetime!

Finn: They can go eat mud! Do you bring letters from Friar Simon?

Beemo: No Finn.

Finn: No matter. Get out of here, I need alone time now!

Exit Beemo

Now I will never be able to be with Flame Princess again…unless…I must go to the store and buy some things!

Finn walks out to the town square of the Hotel Kingdom and stops at a small shop

Enter Lady Rainicorn

Lady Rainicorn: (some greeting in Korean)

Finn: Hello, fine shopkeeper. I wish to buy some poison for you, if you supply any.

Lady Rainicorn: (gives a warning in Korean)

Finn: I know a flask of poison is a dangerous item, but I wish for you to sell it to me anyways. Look! I bring you gold!

Lady Rainicorn: Hmm…(accepts offering in Korean)

Finn: I pay thy poverty, and not thy will.

Lady Rainicorn: (thanks Finn for the cash in Korean)

Finn: Farewell, rainbow unicorn hybrid!


Scene II. Friar Simon Petrikov 's cell.

Enter Gunter

Gunter: Wenk.

Enter Friar Simon

Friar Simon: Well, if it isn’t Gunter! Do tell, did you deliver Finn my letter?

Gunter: Wenk.

Friar Simon: What do you mean that no one was there so you couldn’t give Finn the letter?

Gunter: Wenk.

Friar Simon: Dang it Gunter! Now there’s a change in plans. I’ll have to wait for Flame Princess to wake up so I can deliver her to Finn. This is just great. You’re not getting the fish I promised to you.

Gunter: Wenk wenk.


Friar Simon: Three hours til she’s all better. I must act quickly!

Simon trips over some stuff on the floor and falls

Ow. Now it may take a while.


Scene III. A churchyard; in it a tomb belonging to the Fire Kingdom Castle.

Enter Brocko, and his Page bearing flowers and a torch

Brocko: Page, give me the torch, and keep guard to warn me if anyone comes near.

Page: I am bound by your will to do so.


Brocko: Sweet flower! Oh, if only you were alive to be my bride! If only—

The Page whistles

Are you kidding me? I’ve only been here a few minutes. But it seems something approacheth.


Enter Finn and Beemo

Finn: Well, here we are. Flame Princess’ casket. Such a shame this happened…Beemo, some alone time again, if you please.

Beemo: I will be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

Finn: You are a good friend. Hopefully we may see each other again someday as well. Live, and be prosperous, and farewell, good fellow.

Beemo: Sometimes I use your toothbrush. Just thought you should know.


Finn: Oh Flame Princess, if only you were alive to continue being my bride!

Opens the tomb

Brocko: Hey, it’s that banished guy, Finn. And he stole my line! And he probably wants to do something to Flame Princess! On top of that, he murdered my love’s cousin! I will not allow it!

Comes forward

Face me, Finn!

Finn: Huh? Oh, it’s the Brocko guy.

Brocko: Yes, it’s the Brocko guy. I am here to slay you, beast! Let us fight!

Finn: Uh, just so you know, I’m pretty sure I have more sword skill than you, but—

Brocko: No matter, I shall defeat you for my love! For Flame Princess! Aaaaaaah!

Brocko charges at Finn, who sticks his sword out casually to stop Brocko, but Brocko continues charging and runs into Finn’s sword

Brocko: O, I am slain!


If thou be merciful, open the tomb, lay me with Flame Princess.

Finn: Oh, uh…sorry to tell you this, but I’ve been married to Flame Princess secretly. I don’t think I should do it because…you know. She never liked you.

Brocko: Oh. Poo.


Finn kicks his dead body into a hole

Finn: Wow, he must be the unluckiest guy in this entire story. All he wanted to do was to marry my wife, and I killed him because of that. Oh well. My love, even in death, your beauty shines the entire room, and there is no force that will separate us. That is why I must die too, only to be with you. Let’s hope this poison’s effects are quick.

Finn is about to place the poison to his lips, when suddenly, Flame Princess wakes up

Flame Princess: Ugh, my head…what’s going on…? Finn, what are you doing here?

Finn: Flame Princess? You’re alive?!

Flame Princess: Uh…yeah…didn’t the Ice Friar tell you?

Finn: No.

Flame Princess: I was gonna pretend to be dead so I can escape and we can live together and stuff.

Finn: Oh. Good thing I didn’t kill myself, then.

Flame Princess: Yeah, because I might have been stupid and done the same thing. Luckily I woke up just before you drank any poison.

Finn: Well, here we are alive and together. We should celebrate with a kiss because we haven’t even done that since we met and even after we got married.

Flame Princess: Oh yeah…ok!

Choose Goose: Stop the play! Stop the play!

Stop the play, I say!

Play freezes

Now, before we go on, I must tell you this

Flame Princess’ emotions become unstable with a kiss

Since Finn hasn’t done it so far, as we can see

The whole kingdom is about to go ka-blooey!

Alright now, on with the show

I have a barber appointment and I need to go

Play starts back again

Finn and Flame Princess kiss, and her unstable matrix causes fire to erupt all over the room

Finn: What’s going on?

Flame Princess: I don’t know!

More fire explodes and starts going all over the tomb; it eventually reaches some of the Fire Kingdom, which is unharmed at first

Enter Friar Simon

Friar Simon: Whoo, I finally made it to the Fire Tomb. Hopefully nothing bad happened as I was—

Friar Simon is hit with balls of fire being shot from the Fire Tomb

Friar Simon: Gah!

The fire began growing larger until the Fire Kingdom was lit up with more flames than usual; now it was making its way to the Ice Kingdom, and it was melting all the ice into water

Margaret: What’s going on?

Joshua: We’re being attacked!

The ice turned into water and began flooding the Fire Kingdom, whose flames were being put out

Flame Queen: What’s going on?

Flame King: We’re being attacked!

Marceline: I’ll get the popcorn!

Back at the Fire Tomb, Finn and Flame Princess were watching all the destruction they’ve caused

Finn: You feel better now?

Flame Princess: Yeah, I think, but too bad about what happened with these kingdoms.

As they watched the Ice Kingdom melting and the Fire Kingdom being put out, Jake appeared, and he was lit on fire

Jake: Aaaaaah! Stop drop roll! Stop drop roll!

Finn: Hey Jake!

Jake: Finn? Aren’t you—?

Finn: Forget that, we need to save our peeps!

Finn, Jake, and Flame Princess got on a volcanic ice rock, hoping not to touch the liquid mix of lava and near-melted ice water that flooded the entire village

Meanwhile, Flame King and Flame Queen were on their own lava rock trying to find survivors and shelter

Flame King: How did this even happen?

Flame Queen: I blame them!

Flame Queen points to Joshua and Margaret, who were on an iceberg

Margaret: Hey, we didn’t start this!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn’t!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn’t!

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn’t!

Meanwhile, Marceline finds the trio group of Finn, Flame Princess, and Jake

Flame Princess: Marceline!

Marceline: Oh good, y’all are ok.

Friar Simon comes in paddling on a small rock

Friar Simon: Oh good, I found everyone. And you didn’t die, that’s good!

Finn notices Joshua and Flame King arguing

Flame King: Oh yes you did!

Joshua: Oh no we didn’t!

Finn: Kings!

They stop arguing

I was the one who caused it! Blame me!

Joshua: Alright, I blame you son.

Flame King: What are you doing here, Finn? You’re banished! Off with your head!

Finn: Let me explain! I am…married with your daughter.

Jake: What?

Flame King: What?

Flame Queen: What?

Joshua: What?

Margaret: What?

Flame Princess: Yep.

Flame King: But—what happened to Brocko?

Flame Princess: I didn’t like him, dad.

Flame King: No, I mean, what happened to him? Did he survive this?

Finn: Oh, uh, I, think I…saw him drown. Yeah. I’m sure he’s dead by now.

Flame King: Oh, shame.

Finn: And we were married by Friar Simon, because we were hoping this marriage could stop the fight between our families.

Friar Simon: Hehe, now Finn, don’t get me involved in this.

Joshua: He’s right, your Fire majesty. We shouldn’t be feuding all the time because of some stupid thing that happened to our families generations ago. What was it anyways?

Flame King: An ancestor of yours borrowed a Heat Signature DVD from an ancestor of mine and never returned it.

Flame Princess: Is that it?!

Finn: Oh, well, I have this one your daughter loaned me. If you want it back—

Flame King takes the DVD

Flame King: Pretty old…well, this is the exact same one! And Flame Princess had it? That means we had it the whole time, and this hate was for nothing! I didn’t expect that to happen. Quite ironic.

Finn: So, we good?

Flame King: Oh, of course. I don’t care about Furnius’ death anymore. He wasn’t a good relative.

Flame Queen: Joshua, Margaret, can you forgive us?

Margaret: Sure, and we can rebuild our kingdoms now so that we don’t have to live separately.

Friar Simon: Well, this is nice. All’s well that ends well, right? Wait, wrong play.

Choose Goose: And so, the two kingdoms ended their feud and lived peacefully from that moment on. After the flood, they found no other survivors, but they decided to have a single kingdom where they can live together. Finn and Flame Princess’ marriage was accepted by both families. Jake eventually married Lady Rainicorn, who was the shopkeeper at the Hotel Kingdom’s town square shop. Finn got a refund from his poison since he never used it. Friar Simon continued his friar duties as the kingdom slowly grew and expanded, with more and more people coming over. Marceline’s nursing duties weren’t needed as Flame Princess grew, so she bid farewell to the family and became the lead guitar singer of a popular rock band. Beemo and Peppermint Butler, however, stayed to help Finn and Flame Princess with their family. The Earl of Lemongrab was found several weeks later, and he decided this kingdom was too much for him and went to go live in the ocean. Gunter won the lottery later on in his life. No one cared about Brocko, and they didn’t really find him. And there was no more fighting between them ever again. The end. Wasn’t that a great story, real life Finn and Jake?

Finn and Jake stare awkwardly at Choose Goose

Jake: Wait, didn’t you say at the beginning of the play that Finn and Flame Princess would die?

Choose Goose: Did I? I said ‘They die in the end,’ and they might. I never said who ‘they’ are, right?

Finn: So, we didn’t die. It was that everyone else died, except us.

Choose Goose: Yep, indeedy, Jake and Finny!

Jake: Then why didn’t you tell us that?

Choose Goose: Then it wouldn’t make sense, as I had to keep y’all in suspense.

Finn: Look, just give us our things and we’ll go.

Choose Goose: Oh. Sure.

Hands items to Finn and Jake, and they leave

Choose Goose: No one appreciates my stuff.