Warning: Worst Adventure Time fanfiction ever written. Possibly. Don't take it seriously. I need to get it out of the way. It still haunts me. This is only a strange joke and the fact that it is being read should not be happening. You may hate me after experiencing observing the words that have been posted to make the strangest story, like, ever in Adventure Time. You should get out while you still can and have a nice clean mind and not witness the tragic events of what is a badfic (it's not gruesome, just badly written). But even if it is badly written, it was mostly on purpose and without much effort and just someone still reading it at this point must be really stubborn. You need to heed my warnings and get out, click the x button and don't continue reading anything beyond this point. This will obviously never, EVER, be made into an actual AT episode, and it would be so non-canon that it's not even canon as a fanfic, so if you do really indeed continue reading this, pretend it was never made and continue on with your life.
So, this all started on Jake's wedding day, a long, long time from now, with Finn talking first.
Finn: It’s time for your marriage, Jake.
Jake: (straightens bowtie) I know. (sigh) And to think I started going to the gym just for this. There better be lots of gourmet food at the reception.
Finn: Lady ordered diet.
Jake: (groans) Darn.
Flame Princess was also nearby, being bored and setting fire to any passing leaves that blew her way. They were all outside the Candy Cathedral in the Candy Kingdom.
Finn: And just think, it’s been 3 years since you’ve had your children, and just now you get married.
Jake: Yeah, rainicorns take a while to reserve a marriage.
The priest stuck his head out of the door.
Priest: 5 minutes until we start, Mr. Jake. Remember to leave your guests outside. (sticks head back in)
Finn: Leave us? What for?
Flame Princess overheard them.
Flame Princess: Why can’t we enter?
Jake: (tugs collar) I didn’t tell you… The groom of rainicorn marriages can’t invite his guests until after it’s over, so we could only invite Lady’s family.
Finn: That’s junk! (looks back at the church) How come PB gets to go?
Princess Bubblegum was entering through the doors.
PB: Because I was invited and this is my kingdom anyways :P
Finn: Fine then, Jake. Go on and have your wedding without us.
Jake: Aw, it won’t be that bad.
Finn: It will.
Jake: At least you can get some cake when this is done. (goes inside building)
Finn: (sits down on steps) (mumbling) I didn’t want any dumb cake…
Flame Princess: (sigh) Now what?
Finn waited until Jake was out of earshot.
Finn: I have a surprise. I guess since we’re not going in, we can start early…
Flame Princess: Wha…?
Finn leaped out of the front of the building and down to the ground below them.
Finn: Follow meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
They left the candy church holding Jake’s wedding.
Meanwhile, on the inside…
Jake: Do I look good?
Bob: Oh yes, Jake. Good enough for our daughter.
Ethel: (nods head in agreement)
Jake: STOP LYING TO ME!
(The door opens, Lady Rainicorn enters in her wedding gown. Everyone takes a seat as the pianist plays that song that plays in weddings that I forget. It’s like, called the Wedding March, or something, I believe. Jake puts on a smile as the bride passes through the aisle. The priest begins with some opening words.)
Priest: (ahem) Dearly beloved, we are here today for the joining of these two in marriage, Ms. Lady Rainicorn and Mr. Jake (looks back at the paper) the dog. If there is anyone here who would like to object on the fact that they should not be together, blah blah blah, speak now or-”
???: I object!
(Everyone gasps dramatically, and turn their heads to see Mr. Cupcake standing in the doorway, and he wasn’t invited)
Mr. Cupcake: Lady, don’t throw everything we did together over this! We still had our moments!
Jake: (speechless, gasps) What?! You cheated on me?!!!
Lady Rainicorn: (says something in Korean)
Mr. Cupcake: She prefers me over you Jake! She needs a real man… or a really manly candy.
Jake: Shut up, you frosty muffin! Lady’s supposed to be marrying me!!!
Bob: Oh my, this is getting so theatrical.
Ethel: What can we do? I can’t watch!
Bob: Let’s go get some frozen dairy treats to eat. I didn’t want the buffet anyways, too healthy. (He and Ethel exit with no one noticing.)
Mr. Cupcake: She shouldn’t be marrying you, we’ve had our time together since that movie we made. You just bark and stuff.
Jake: (barks) You’re a tard!
Mr. Cupcake: Come fight me then! How can you do that? You’re over there, and I’m over here-
(Jake stretches his fist at him and knocks him out to the wall, making a hole in it.)
Jake: And you! (points to LR) You dare cheat on me? THIS MARRIAGE IS OVER! (throws bowtie on the ground)
Jake stormed out of the building, leaving everyone with their jaws dropped in awe. When Jake reached the outside, looking around for Finn and Flame Princess to tell them the wedding was off, but found them nowhere.
Jake: Oh, Finn. Where’d you- huh?
Jake looked up at the sky and noticed it was not its usual color, and that the colors of the kingdom have disappeared as well, leaving a dull scene.
Jake: Where’d the color go?!
(Princess Bubblegum runs out of the building and looks at Jake)
PB: Do you know what you've done?!
(Without explanation, PB floats up magically in the air and disappears. Lumpy Space Princess comes out while texting on her phone.)
LSP: Yeah, I don’t give enough lumps to care about this.
Ethel and Bob came back with ice cream.
Bob: Jake? Why aren’t you inside?
Ethel: Bob, look! (points all around the kingdom to show the lack of color)
Bob: Oh no, you didn’t call off the wedding, did you?
Ethel: Last time a rainicorn wedding was called off…
Bob: A funeral was in order.
The roof of the church behind them suddenly burst, with a giant Lady Rainicorn enraged and destroying everything around her. She was sucking in any colors remaining to her body, and blasted a bunch of rainbows in no particular direction.
Bob: Get out of here!
(Ethel and Bob flee the scene)
(Lady Rainicorn’s giant mouth bends down and eats Jake.)
Meanwhile, at a distant location…
Priest 2: Do you, Finn, take Flame Princess as your lawfully wed wife?
Finn: I do.
Priest 2: And do you, Flame Princess, take Finn as your lawfully wed husband?
Flame Princess: I do.
Priest 2: Then you may now kiss the bride.
Finn stared at Flame Princess, who stared back. With the elemental matrix being controlled and stable, they would finally be able to kiss without any explosion or anything. They did as the priest had instructed to do so and kiss. The end.
Priest 2: I now pronounce you husband and wife. Ok, my work here’s done. Goodbye.
I lied. Flame Princess' unstable matrix made the world explode entirely, causing all life on it to become burned alive, along with the monster Lady Rainicorn that was destroying and eating everything. The end of the world happened as a result of this day. So now, everyone died because of all this.
This is, like I said, the worst thing written for the wiki, so do not get mad at me if you are left with a shock face for the rest of your life. I warned you about how bad it is, and I found it horrendous too. You may now continue living your life. YOLO (JK)