How do you know that you’re in love? Is it when you can’t stop thinking about that person? That you would be thrown into a deep dark mood if they suddenly stopped talking to you, even if it’s only occasionally that you do, on a public bus.  That when they do speak to you your heart leaps up and feels like you can take on the whole world no matter what. That waking up next to them is the best feeling ever, even if you’ve only imagined it… Is love the feeling that  you know that you’re meant to be together forever?

I’ve never thought of myself as the romantic type. I can be strong, have casual sex with the next hot drunk guy and supress these real emotions for T. Even after all this time I still feel that deep down he’ll always mean something to me. At the very least we can be friends, surely?

I know that if he said to me, “Hey, let’s do it.” My body would be ready.

Is that bad? Am I one of those people? I didn’t think I would label myself, but hearing it from a friend, am I that type?? Is that even bad? I didn’t think so before. It hadn’t even crossed my mind.

It doesn’t really change anything either… so what if some people enjoy the company of others being naked, it’s only natural. What god intended for us.

And then I feel guilty, what if T heard about what happened that night and now thinks that I’ve moved on? I can’t bear to think of the hopelessness etched on his the face.

Anyway, I have to go now but I’ll leave you with this question.. is it too late to tell him, meaning I should give up? Or could love win, just this once?