It's been about two days now since I finally got to be with T for a whole night.
It was magical and yet at the same time I felt let down and nothing went as I expected.
I kept hoping I could catch him in the corridor on his own when he was coming back from the loo but alas, no matter how long I waited it was not meant to be. I just got a few funny looks from RP's brother.
I think it's him that I've got to compete with, O and T are just too close, I have to befriend O before I can get to T. I can see it clearly now.. but how? On the bus it's too out in the open, too obvious.. I must make plans and hope things fall into place. And soon, i'm running out of time!
Even though it's almost the new year, I feel that it's just going to be the same, overlooked by T and feeling guilty about J. He wasn't there which was a relief, I didn't have to feel his damning and accusing gaze all night.
But why then do I still feel it nowww?!
I guess time is the biggest healer of all.. I just have to move on and forget J. but then I think, do I actually want to? When he showed off his pocket watch and pipe, i couldn't help but feel butterflies and perhaps something more.
I just need to go away and think. To sort out the mess of my feelings.
I know that by valentine's i shall have T and all will be well.
love, Roastie xoxo